Those jokes killed at the lunch table! "Hello?is this thing on?"
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Those jokes killed at the lunch table! "Hello?is this thing on?"
Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
Two fish were swimming up river when they came across another fish swimming the other way. "What type of fish are you" asks the single fish upon which one of the pair looked across at his friend and said "Don't tell him Pike"
A couple decided that the only way to have a quickie while their ten-year- old son was in the apartment, was to send him out on the balcony and let him give a running report on what was going on in the neighbourhood.
So the boy stood on the balcony and reported on everything that was happening.
"A police car has just called at the Hamilton's' house, the Chandlers are taking delivery of a new wardrobe, and the Mitchell's are having sex."
Hearing this, the boy's parents shot bolt upright.
"How do you know the Mitchells are having sex?".
"Because their kid is standing on the balcony too !! :D
When I got home from work I asked the wife what she had put on my sandwiches because they tasted a bit odd.
She said 'Crab paste'.
I said 'Was it from the market?'.
She said 'No, it was from the chemist'
Extracts from letters written by council tenants:
1. It's the dogs mess that I find hard to swallow.
2. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has backfired and burnt my knob off.
3.. I wish to complain that my father twisted his ankle very badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage.
4. Their 18 year old son is continually banging his balls against my fence.
5. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.
6.. My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?
7. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.
8. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.
9. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen..
10. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are just plain filthy.
11. The next door neighbour has got this huge tool that vibrates the whole house and I just can't take it anymore.
12. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.
13. Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.
14. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.
15. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much for me.
16. The man next door has a large erection in the back garden, which is unsightly and dangerous.
17. Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third, so please send someone round to do something about it.
18. I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.
19. Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job and satisfy my wife...
20. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.
21. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can't get BBC2.
22. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my back passage has fungus growing in it.
How do you milk sheep?
Bring out a new iphone and charge a £1000 for it. :idea:
1-22
:lol:
Thanks, Anto.
nice trio Anto :D
Yup. All four of them! ;)Quote:
Originally Posted by struth
Good stuff Anto, and do be careful on the garden path!
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