View Full Version : Anyone living a life you don't like?
Rare Bird
24-10-2010, 23:21
Living in an home/Area you detest, Medicore stereo system, Dead end Job with crap money etc etc but your in a position you can't get out of, absolutly no forseeable change!
I did have everything down to a 'T' when i was yonger but lost the lot because of no fault of my own..:(
In my limited (to me) experience, the difference between everything being good or bad is down to yourself, good/bad, happy/sad, exciting/dull are just labels you apply to what you find around yourself. If you look to your external situation/possessions to make you happy it will always fail, you need to first look for the happy place in your head, once you have that the other problems fall away. Comparing and measuring your situation against others will always end badly, and has no real meaning anyway. Just IMHO of course.
Up until 5 years ago i had a job i loved , had a a great social life and still had dreams of getting to certain place in life.
Then our rival company bought us out, bullied me out of my job to avoid paying redundancy and i was out of work for some time , during which my wife ran of with a mate. Now i work as a manager for an independant retail outlet 6 days a week for peanuts and no written contract and my boss asks me what im doing when the takings are crap. I ve had no break for 3 years despite my boss returning from his umpteenth holiday tomorrow and no pension.
I live in a city i no longer like and all my mates have moved out of London.
Hi Fi and music are my only escape from life. Its not just in my head. If i had a job i enjoyed and was treated with respect with a better pay packet i would be a lot happier. I wouldnt even need the mates.
Ah , that feels a lot better now:lol:
I'm doing OK, no savings or anything, just quite happy with my 'lot'
Don't even get me started............ :(
Rare Bird
25-10-2010, 09:59
Don't even get me started............ :(
c'mon Dave spill the Beanz ;)
I think Nick (Lurcher) above says it very well. Most (but not all) of it is in your hands. I've had my very black moments in life (the death of my first wife, being diagnosed with cancer, divorcing my second wife) and it was extraordinarily hard to come through them.
When the mists part, you realise that life goes on and you can either take part again or sink into a mire of woefulness. I've had my luck, too, and I have a good woman with me now who has transformed my outlook. I simply live for every day now, don't look too much into the future, enjoy my work and play as much music as I can.
c'mon Dave spill the Beanz ;)
No, 'cos it'll open the floodgates and I ain't doing that on a public forum, ta very much...
Rare Bird
25-10-2010, 11:55
No, 'cos it'll open the floodgates and I ain't doing that on a public forum, ta very much...
I do :lolsign:
I think Nick (Lurcher) above says it very well. Most (but not all) of it is in your hands.
Yes, while what happens in the world is not all in your hands, how you feel about it and react to it is entirely and only in your hands (or head).
5pPCYlYWO6w
I think Nick (Lurcher) above says it very well. Most (but not all) of it is in your hands.
Yes, while what happens in the world is not all in your hands, how you feel about it and react to it is entirely and only in your hands (or head).
5pPCYlYWO6w
No, 'cos it'll open the floodgates and I ain't doing that on a public forum, ta very much...
In the words of the Arab proverb:
'It is good to speak the truth, but it is better to know the truth and speak of date-stones.'
Did anyone read that mad bit of science in the papers a few weeks back which proved some dogs are optimists and some are pessimists?
Turns out even in the world of dogs you get half empty half full types.
I tend to think if i stay pessimistic i dont get to disappointed when things dont go well:doh:
Reid Malenfant
25-10-2010, 14:45
I tend to think if i stay pessimistic i dont get to disappointed when things dont go well:doh:
Ummmm, i think you'd be regarded as a realist :eyebrows:
Ummmm, i think you'd be regarded as a realist :eyebrows:
Exactly!
I have to say I'm quite happy with my lot at the moment. I don't have all the all-singing all-dancing "toys" I'd like, and I don't have the music collection I'd like either. I'm driving a 14 year old car and I have type II diabetes, but I've got a job I enjoy, nice family (18th wedding anniversary yesterday) and I have a lot of fun.
It's not always been this sunny but I thank God for what He's given me and the family.
Type 2 Diabetes?
What do you do at Christmas? I've had a recent diagnosis (type II with high cholesterol too) and am dreading the lack of choccies, little or no Christmas pud and a strict limit on alcohol, not that I drink much but still... What about the stuffing and bread sauce with lashings of gravy????
And you lot wonder why I've been down lately :(
I run a health store and there is some good insulin friendly chocs we stock.
If you like dark chocolate truffles theres " Booja Booja" equadorian dark,
sweetened with a little agave ( cactus juice they use in tequila). Very nice.
For a cholesterol free bar of milk chocolate there is "Plamil" sugar free bar
made with diabetic natural sweetener xylitol and soya milk. Sounds nasty but its actually very good.
aquapiranha
25-10-2010, 19:26
Plamil do vegan stuff too, so very good in my book.
I have been pissed off in the past, but it does you no good in the long term. If you hanker after a better material life ie car house etc, try to think of those that have neither. If you want a happier life, try to convince yourself that you are not in need.
Also, read books like this...
http://www.amazon.com/Status-Anxiety-Alain-Botton/dp/0375420835
Type 2 Diabetes?
What do you do at Christmas? I've had a recent diagnosis (type II with high cholesterol too) and am dreading the lack of choccies, little or no Christmas pud and a strict limit on alcohol, not that I drink much but still... What about the stuffing and bread sauce with lashings of gravy????
And you lot wonder why I've been down lately :(
Provided you don't overdo it, you can have a decent portion of Christmas pud (my favourite), make Bird's custard from real custard powder (not the instant) and sweeten it with Splenda (the best artificial sweetener in my opinion, works spoon-for-spoon like sugar).
Choccies, even "diabetic friendly" ones are still high in fat, so try to avoid them, but try to find a treat that you can have so that you still enjoy yourself. When I got diagnosed, I closed off a lot of sweet stuff, but made a decision that I was still going to enjoy my food and find stuff that I liked to replace the naughties.
As far as alcohol goes, don't overdo it, but instead of quantity, use the money to get something special that you regard as a treat instead. For instance, if your tipple is beer, get a pint bottle of a treat rather than 4 cans of something mundane and stuff.
Turkey: yes. Stuffing: yes. Bread sauce: yes (my fave - it turns a dinner into a feast!)
You'll feel down as your background sugar level (HbA1c) drops, but it gets better. TBH I don't miss the choccies, the biscuits, cakes and the sugar in my tea and coffee now, but it did take some getting used to. The thing is to make sure you eat well, but eat stuff you enjoy.
Hope you get on OK with it. It's not the end of the world, think of it as a new chapter in your life and an excuse to treat yourself in a different way rather than with sugar-rich, over-fatty foods.
If you need to chat about it, pm me on here. I'm happy to pass on my experience, for what it's worth!
:)
Many thanks Grez :)
We've been through the trawling round Morrisons looking for low fat and low sugar alternatives for our favourite food and I'll be growing buck teeth and floppy ears the salad and veggie stuff I'm now eating (we don't discuss the "wind" - ahem :lol: which could be the statins). Don't like Splenda so stick to aspartame style sweetners in tea or nothing if sugar is offered (I can now drink tea without sweetning :eek:
My first quarterly blood tests are due early January, so I'll try to behave myself this year (I love sponge and heavy fruit cakes, "Heroes" and "Quality St" so much though - a Christmas habit). Dark chocolate appeals and I'll look out for your recommendations.
At the risk of upsetting those of you who aren't parents, becoming a dad was the point in my life when I realised that everything else has just been "stuff". I've loved a few women in my life, none more than my current wife, but all of that pales into significance in terms of the love I feel for my daughter - this is not a secret between my wife and I - she feels exactly the same, it is the natural order of things. In a "flight or fight" situation, it would be me that would sacrifice my life first, fighting for all I was worth to protect my mate and her offspring. Once the predator had despatched me, I would expect my mate to lay down her life too, to protect the next generation. This won't take a lot of understanding if you are a parent, but if not, I appreciate it could be an alien world!
I'm lucky, though, in that in general, I am not considered someone else's dinner, and my paternal role is limited to providing a roof over our heads and food on the table - by less primitive means. I do enjoy my job, but I stopped comparing myself to others a long time ago - that way, madness leads... Life is unfair - a colleague who is not as well qualified or equipped as you may well get promoted over you, and that could well be just because their face fits better than yours, or because they are better acquainted with the boss.
Far more important in my book, is to measure yourself against your own potential. I know in myself if the role I am performing for pay (aka a job) or the pursuits of either leisure or ambition are "up to the mark" of what I am capable, and in my opinion, it is far more productive to judge yourself against what you know you can achieve, adjust your plan accordingly, and give up worrying what everyone else is doing or indeed what they think of you.
I've read a ton of self-help and business books in my time, and to bring it back to something hifi related (is this really a hifi forum? ;)) one of the most inspiring businessmen I have read about is Julian Richer - yep, he of Richer sounds. I bought his book "The Richer Way" about 15 years ago, and it is well worth a read, if you are so inclined. But the essence of his story, and those of countless others who have achieved financial success is that if all you are doing is chasing the money, you are unlikely to succeed. Far better, instead, to find something you enjoy doing, and do it to the best of your ability. Treat people well, especially those who are subordinate to you, and try to make it fun. If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got - think differently, but always respect other people, and eschew dishonesty. Sure, sometimes you will get "shafted" because of your own virtues, but any victory on the other side will be short-lived.
One of the "ghosts of my life" is the fact that my own dad whilst being brilliant with ideas and creativity was absolutely rubbish at business, picking the wrong partners, and making ill-informed decisions. I guess I have tried to avoid the pitfalls that he encountered, and all I can wish for is that my daughter does the same - even if I don't always learn from my mistakes, hopefully she will.
Heavy, heavy man... :peace: But still wise words :respect:
(I can now drink tea without sweetning :eek:
...even when you ask for it, when you come to my house! :doh: I was only thinking of you, Dave!
In all seriousness, though, it is tough if you have a sweet tooth and are faced with diabetes, (my dad has both, and I suspect he is not doing as he should...) - but it is a serious disease, so best of luck with controlling it without having to resort to injecting yourselves - I think if I was faced with that (needle phobia) I would just give up and eat myself to oblivion! Grez has absolutely hit the nail on the head in that in any life changing plan, it is identifying the things you can enjoy that are not so detrimental and focussing on them instead - if only I could live by what I am preaching!
I just read Ritchers book and felt so inspired ive been checking their website every day for job vacancies.
Type 2 diabetes is something to be taken seriously but should not get in the way of enjoying life. As far as sweetening is concerned, it's far better to get used to everything without sweetening rather than use alternatives. A few days of gagging with unsweetened tea/coffee and you're over it and will never look back.
I tried for years to control mine with tablets but had to admit defeat earlier this year. Now that I'm on insulin it's as if nothing has changed; I carry my injector around rather than tablets. I still have to remember it and the administration is just different. It doesn't get in the way and it doesn't have to. The proof is that hardly any of my friends know that I'm diabetic.
I just read Ritchers book and felt so inspired ive been checking their website every day for job vacancies.
I too wanted to work for them after reading his book - so maybe it is a recruitment brainwashing initiative!? :lol: In all seriousness though, it is one of the most common-sense business books you will ever come across, free of corporate BS and the fact that it is connected to hifi (or at least audio equipment, if you're a snob!) should make it interesting for most of us on here.
I wish my boss would read it!
...even when you ask for it, when you come to my house! :doh: I was only thinking of you, Dave!
In all seriousness, though, it is tough if you have a sweet tooth and are faced with diabetes, (my dad has both, and I suspect he is not doing as he should...) - but it is a serious disease, so best of luck with controlling it without having to resort to injecting yourselves - I think if I was faced with that (needle phobia) I would just give up and eat myself to oblivion! Grez has absolutely hit the nail on the head in that in any life changing plan, it is identifying the things you can enjoy that are not so detrimental and focussing on them instead - if only I could live by what I am preaching!
Needle Phobia -
I spent a week in Ipswich Hospital a few years ago and had to be stabbed with needles several times a day (my "bloods" weren't right then).. You know, when you're rather ill, the phobia disappears as you resign yourself into others' care and allow them to do their jobs; at least that happened to me. My first nurse-visit gave me a 'flu jab as well as a pneumonia jab and I told her to just go with it without a second thought...
My cureent "needle phobia" is a continuation of the Garrard autochanger vibe. I've just bought cheaply an Acos GP96 (my Hacker record player had one) in a M7 headshell and a GP104, which was the best ceramic cart I've ever heard and can be used into a mm input (the loading and RIAA eq sort of cancel out with this one), to go with the Sonotone 9TAHC I already have..
Will I ever learn?????????????
Needle Phobia -
I spent a week in Ipswich Hospital a few years ago and had to be stabbed with needles several times a day (my "bloods" weren't right then).. You know, when you're rather ill, the phobia disappears as you resign yourself into others' care and allow them to do their jobs; at least that happened to me. My first nurse-visit gave me a 'flu jab as well as a pneumonia jab and I told her to just go with it without a second thought...
My cureent "needle phobia" is a continuation of the Garrard autochanger vibe. I've just bought cheaply an Acos GP96 (my Hacker record player had one) in a M7 headshell and a GP104, which was the best ceramic cart I've ever heard and can be used into a mm input (the loading and RIAA eq sort of cancel out with this one), to go with the Sonotone 9TAHC I already have..
Will I ever learn?????????????
Segued with a great deal of styl-us we'd expect from you!
I try, I'm very trying in fact :D
I think that we should treat people the way we would want to be treated. I have stopped worrying about what other people think of me, what I wear, the car I drive etc.
I am considered as a "boss" where I work, simply because there are secretaries who refer to us as such. I have never rated myself and use self-deprecating humour if someone suggests I have "done a good job".
I suffer with depression which makes me feel far worse than my existence/lifestyle shouild make me feel.
Yesterday I watched this (see link) I don't think anyone should feel hard done by after watching this.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gc4HGQHgeFE&feature=player_embedded
Living in an home/Area you detest, Medicore stereo system, Dead end Job with crap money etc etc but your in a position you can't get out of, absolutly no forseeable change!
I did have everything down to a 'T' when i was yonger but lost the lot because of no fault of my own..:(
I can't relate at all ,I'm loved by everyone,my job is bliss and my condo in California is worth 3x what I paid for it,my sons diaper is always half full and I don't have any need for a stereo because there is a corus of angels that sing to me all the time and I'm plagged with 3 hour erections,:cool:
Rare Bird
27-10-2010, 16:22
Well your lucky, i had everything once upon a time.. loverly house, plenty cash, superb hifi, 2 kids even possibility of retirement early if i'd played my cards right.All gone just because being a good husband was'nt enough.
These days i couldnt give two hoots if i wer'nt here tomorrow tbh.
Hi Alex,
The whole post that this quote was taken from is superb, but in terms of my currently very fortunate (happy) and financially secure status in life, this attitude in business is what got me there, too, and deserves highlighting:
I've read a ton of self-help and business books in my time, and to bring it back to something hifi related (is this really a hifi forum? ) one of the most inspiring businessmen I have read about is Julian Richer - yep, he of Richer sounds. I bought his book "The Richer Way" about 15 years ago, and it is well worth a read, if you are so inclined. But the essence of his story, and those of countless others who have achieved financial success is that if all you are doing is chasing the money, you are unlikely to succeed. Far better, instead, to find something you enjoy doing, and do it to the best of your ability. Treat people well, especially those who are subordinate to you, and try to make it fun. If you always do what you have always done, you will always get what you have always got - think differently, but always respect other people, and eschew dishonesty.
*That* is so fundamentally spot on it's frightening, and also rather poignant, given the current 'Cawleygate' shenanigans! ;)
Marco.
Well your lucky, i had everything once upon a time.. loverly house, plenty cash, superb hifi, 2 kids even possibility of retirement early if i'd played my cards right.All gone just because being a good husband was'nt enough.
These days i couldnt give two hoots if i wer'nt here tomorrow tbh.
Dude, trust me, the good guys always win in the end, one way or the other. The rewards for the incredible work you do for your friend with cerebral palsy are still to come ;)
So hang in there! One has to experience bad times in life in order to fully appreciate the good ones....
Marco.
I can't relate at all ,I'm loved by everyone,my job is bliss and my condo in California is worth 3x what I paid for it,my sons diaper is always half full and I don't have any need for a stereo because there is a corus of angels that sing to me all the time and I'm plagged with 3 hour erections,:cool:
Andre,just a side note,I was being sarcastic,noones life is easy.
I am going through struggles at work,my wife left a decent job to manage a buisness that has not been paying her for a month.
I was born with CP like your freind,had to have my hands and feet relised through sergery and a brain operation shortly after birth,I had a major sergery on my leggs just 4 years ago and it was not clear if I would ever beable to walk normaly or walk much afterward.
I have always worked 2 jobs till my last surgery and can no longer manage that.
I am unable to spell well or remember things like math facts 8X9 ect...
I can hold onto it for a couple of weeks after memorizing it then it's gone agein.
I am happy to be able to read and wright and have never taken help or disability.Life is not easy and can test your faith at times but your life is fantastic compaired to liveing in a place like Pakistan where people die each day for no good reason other than crualty and neglect. Kids staving to death people dieing from simple infections $5.00 could cure in a few days.
I like you alot Andre so I'm going to tell you something that is no secret here.
You whine to much and till you look at life differently things will not get better for you.
It might help for you to get a counsler and get it all off your chest then move on man!
There must be something in your life to be thankful for,concentrate on that for awhile.
Rare Bird
31-10-2010, 20:04
Oh dear sorry to hear that Jeff.
Do i really whine that much :lolsign: Only councelor i'll use is if i win the lottery (i don't do) :)
These days i couldnt give two hoots if i wer'nt here tomorrow tbh.
Some of us here care so hold onto that. When things seem black it's remarkable how something comes along to change everything. Just be receptive to it.
Some of us here care so hold onto that. When things seem black it's remarkable how something comes along to change everything. Just be receptive to it.
TBH Andre, it's partly thanks to you that I dust off and enjoy some of the old proggy vinyl that I've not listened to in years. So stick with it, mate. You can be an inspiration.
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