British export to the U.S. issues

[goraman]

I had been looking fo a bottle of HP sauce.
It was the last bottle on the shelf of a upscale grocery store.
I noticed the lid was slightly cocked but the little white tape was still in place so I bought it.

After opening it and useing some an my huge hambergers,I tried several times to put the cap on straight.I can assure you the 4 pints of beer was not the problem.

My brother a very sober aircraft machanic could not place it on straight,nor my mother or wife.

It would seem the threads where molded wrong in the cap it's self.

It brought back memorys of my Triumph motorcycle and my fathers Sunbeam Alpine.
As they both leaked badly and some parts where just poorly fit,and I won't even bring up the electrical wireing by Lucas.

Is this kind of thing common for Brittish goods or do they export all there B stock to the U.S.
I mean it's hard to think the country that makes the worlds finest electronics,The Enfeild rifle and Rolls royce could also make leak proof bottles of HP sauce.

BTW It didn't affect the flavor,HP sauce is my favorite when I can find it here.

[The Grand Wazoo]

Jeff,
Everything was fine in the world when HP sauce was still a British product. Trouble is, those troublesome Yanks bought the company & now they make it in Holland.



Now, if you'd had a complaint with the lid of a jar of Marmite, I could've done something about it for you. I know a bloke who worked as a toolmaker for a company called Metal Box Ltd & he made the tools that make the caps for Marmite when they changed from metal to plastic.

[DSJR]

:D

[Rare Bird]

I have a friend that lives in New England..She's always so desperate for Real Strawberry Jam of a certain brand from over here.

[goraman]

Jeff,
Everything was fine in the world when HP sauce was still a British product. Trouble is, those troublesome Yanks bought the company & now they make it in Holland.



Now, if you'd had a complaint with the lid of a jar of Marmite, I could've done something about it for you. I know a bloke who worked as a toolmaker for a company called Metal Box Ltd & he made the tools that make the caps for Marmite when they changed from metal to plastic.

It figures,at least we didn't screw with the recipe.I was suprised to see we make Royal Crown cola too.

I belive soon Coca-cola will be a chinese product, let um have it,to acidey, and Pepsi is to sweet.offers have been made.
We have lost Budwiser beer.
We owe the chinese so much money it's crazy.

Just don't sell us Lucus Electric,please!
They make a 3 position switch dim,flicker,off.
I had a Triumph motor cycle that the wireing harness all termenated in the head light bucket,but all the wire was just a little to tight with no slack so after a few good turns it would all start to unplug.
And the turnsignal switch was so loose inside,sometimes it worked sometimes it didn't.
I won't even tell you the nightmare wireing in my uncles 1980's XJ6.
He used to say part of the fun of owning a Jaguar is for example.Monday your headlights work,and for no good reason on tuesday they don't but you discover suddenly the driverside window will roll down.By thursday your headlights are back on but your left tail is out.

I replaced the tail light sockets,changed 4 lucus relays for Bosh units. and added a toggle switch to bypass the headlight switch that had shorted inside.
And he sold it a year later to a guy who put a chevy 350 V8 in it.

The British make the best looking coaches,but should let the germans build the motor and let the Japaneese make the wireing harness.
Or let Audio Note make the wireing harness from silver and teflon with Alps or Nobal switches and charge AN prices.

Just ribbing you guys a little.

[The Grand Wazoo]

Just remember, if you ever get any trouble with a jar of Marmite, I'm yer man. Just let me know, I'll give my mate a good kicking on your behalf.

[Techno Commander]

To the citizens of the United States of America...

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. (Except Utah, which she does not fancy.) Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable David Cameron MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee'). You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation. Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u'.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England. The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2015. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. You should declare war on Quebec and France, using nuclear weapons if they give you any merde. The 97.85% of you who were not aware that there is a world outside your borders should count yourselves lucky. The Russians have never been the bad guys. "Merde" is French for "Shit". You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England. It will be called "Indecisive Day".

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager".

The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Gnats' Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2012) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices roughly $10/US gallon - get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

:):)

[Reid Malenfant]

Roflmao 2578

Nice one Andy ;) :eyebrows:

[goraman]

Very funny,but sadly our country has seen better days.
And it kills me how far we have fallen,But in menny ways the U.S. and G.B. mirror each other.
I'll compose a list but the things that come to mind is slowly all of our freedoms are being eroded,we are all over taxed and there isen't a Ronald Reagan,Margret Thatcher or a Winston Churchill to pull us up.BTW we have more nukes!!!

[StanleyB]

To the citizens of the United States of America...

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
It's the best president they have ever had since Abraham Lincoln. In the UK we failed to elect a prime minister ;). The current one is only there because the previous one decided to walk out, literally, one afternoon.

[Techno Commander]

Aye, we are probably no better.:)

The article I posted was written during George W's reign so was far truer back then.