View Full Version : Limericks
This seems to go down well on another forum I frequent.
Each poster completes successive lines of a limerick. The one who completes the last line of one limerick has to provide the first line of the next. Here's a first line, who wants to provide the next?
There was a young nun from Madras...
There was a young nun from Madras
Whose wimple was eaten by cats
There was a young nun from Madras
Whose wimple was eaten by cats
The Abbot said "blimey"
There was a young nun from Madras
Whose wimple was eaten by cats
The Abbot said "blimey
Your hat's gone all slimey!"
There was a young nun from Madras
Whose wimple was eaten by cats
The Abbot said "blimey
Your hat's gone all slimey!"
She cried "alas and alack!"
Covenant
20-06-2010, 17:42
Can't resist this one:
There was a young girl from Madras
Who had an exceedingly fine ass
Not round and pink
as you might well think
But grey had long ears and ate grass.
I always liked
there was a young nun from Madras
who ate some small beads made of glass
with a shreik and a roar
she rushed for the door
and threw them all up on the grass
In the absence of a new first line, try
Isambard Kingdom Brunel...
Isambard Kingdom Brunel
His top hat it fell right down a well
Isambard Kingdom Brunel
His top hat it fell right down a well
His cigar fell down too
Covenant
21-06-2010, 06:59
Isambard Kingdom Brunel
His top hat it fell right down a well
His cigar fell down too
and a small kangaroo
Isambard Kingdom Brunel
His top hat it fell right down a well
His cigar fell down too
and a small kangaroo
The crowd cheered despite the foul smell!
If the world was made of Cheese.....
If the world was made of cheese
There'd be edam up to our knees
If the world was made of cheese
There'd be edam up to our knees
And Leerdammer instead of leaves
would fill the branches of the trees.
If the world was made of cheese
There'd be edam up to our knees
And Leerdammer instead of leaves
would fill the branches of the trees.
"Thank heaven for Cheesy Peas"
In the back streets of Calcutta
In the back streets of Calcutta
A young man was once heard to mutter
In the back streets of Calcutta
A young man was once heard to mutter
You're never as rich
if you marry a bitch
The Grand Wazoo
21-06-2010, 18:13
In the back streets of Calcutta
A young man was once heard to mutter
You're never as rich
if you marry a bitch
You'll be far better off with a nutter.
My hi-fi's all knackered and bust
My hi-fi's all knackered and bust
Mind you i'm not really fussed
My hi-fi's all knackered and bust
Mind you i'm not really fussed
Coz I've got a new aluminium platter
My hi-fi's all knackered and bust
Mind you i'm not really fussed
Coz I've got a new aluminium platter
off which to eat junk and get fatter
The Grand Wazoo
21-06-2010, 22:22
My hi-fi's all knackered and bust
Mind you i'm not really fussed
Coz I've got a new aluminium platter
off which to eat junk and get fatter
- since it caused my motor to combust
...........sorry, folks I couldn't help myself. I waited & waited but no-one came up with anything better to stop me!
Anyway, back to business............
There was a young poster called Shippy,
There was a young poster called Shippy,
In times of great Angst would get lippy,
There was a young poster called Shippy,
In times of great Angst would get lippy,
His potions and spells,
There was a young poster called Shippy,
In times of great Angst would get lippy,
His potions and spells,
Made his arse emit smells
There was a young poster called Shippy,
In times of great Angst would get lippy,
His potions and spells,
Made his arse emit smells
That reminded one somewhat of Skippy
Whilst out one day buying records,
Whilst out one day buying records,
Burt hiccupped and spat out some floor boards,
Whilst out one day buying records,
Burt hiccupped and spat out some floor boards
Marco said 'You need some Mana'
The Grand Wazoo
22-06-2010, 17:41
Whilst out one day buying records,
Burt hiccupped and spat out some floor boards
Marco said "You need some Mana
But first, would you hold my banana?"
Whilst out one day buying records,
Burt hiccupped and spat out some floor boards
Marco said "You need some Mana
But first, would you hold my banana?
Or shall we compare our pork swords?"
While watching the budget on TV
The Grand Wazoo
22-06-2010, 18:26
While watching the budget on TV
Gordon Brown yelled "But that should be me!"
Covenant
22-06-2010, 18:36
While watching the budget on TV
Gordon Brown yelled "But that should be me!"
"In that battered old box"
While watching the budget on TV
Gordon Brown yelled "But that should be me!"
"In that battered old box"
Some fish and old socks
Covenant
22-06-2010, 19:06
While watching the budget on TV
Gordon Brown yelled "But that should be me!"
"In that battered old box"
Some fish and old socks
Are wrapped in a tart from page three!
Jerry forgot to wax lyrical
Covenant
22-06-2010, 19:15
Jerry forgot to wax lyrical
Thats the best one we have done........
The Grand Wazoo
22-06-2010, 19:18
OK - if you must!
Thats the best one we have done
So Jerry has obviously won
Thats the best one we have done
So Jerry has obviously won
His prize is a ride
Covenant
22-06-2010, 19:27
Thats the best one we have done
So Jerry has obviously won
His prize is a ride
From which he can't hide
Thats the best one we have done
So Jerry has obviously won
His prize is a ride
From which he can't hide
Good luck with that one, son!
When England played in the World Cup
When England played in the World Cup
I think we were sold a right Pup
When England played in the World Cup
I think we were sold a right Pup
Although we were pants
When England played in the World Cup
I think we were sold a right Pup
Although we were pants
We're better than France
When England played in the World Cup
I think we were sold a right Pup
Although we were pants
We're better than France
So stop whining and cheer the fuck up!
...Joe, now you get to start a whole new one off, just don't go irking too many purists.. :)
...Joe, now you get to start a whole new one off, just don't go irking too many purists.. :)
OK!
I bought some speakers on eBay
I bought some speakers on eBay
One of them wearing a toupee
I bought some speakers on eBay
One of them wearing a toupee
The other wired out of phase
I bought some speakers on eBay
One of them wearing a toupee
The other wired out of phase
You can't get good help these days
bought some speakers on eBay
One of them wearing a toupee
The other wired out of phase
You can't get good help these days
But you could start by looking here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)
Never kiss a frog they say
The Grand Wazoo
24-06-2010, 06:47
But you could start by looking here http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)
................hehehehehe!
Never kiss a frog they say
It might not go your way
Never kiss a frog they say
It might not go your way
But Muffin a Mule is far more fun
Never kiss a frog they say
It might not go your way
But Muffin a Mule is far more fun
Though you may prefer to munch on a bun
Never kiss a frog they say
It might not go your way
But Muffin a Mule is far more fun
Though you may prefer to munch on a bun
Whichever you do you'll end up Gay!
There was a young girl called Annie
There was a young girl called Annie
Who (predictably) had a large fanny
There was a young girl called Annie
Who (predictably) had a large fanny
With a shove and a push
[I presume this is being composed in British rather than American slang?]
There was a young girl called Annie
Who (predictably) had a large fanny
With a shove and a push
And a slap on the tush
There was a young girl called Annie
Who (predictably) had a large fanny
With a shove and a push
And a slap on the tush
She gave birth, during a wild Hootenany!
Old Bert he alway's got pissed,
Old Bert he alway's got pissed
When watching that film The Exorcist
Old Bert he alway's got pissed
When watching that film The Exorcist
His head starts to spin
Old Bert he alway's got pissed
When watching that film The Exorcist
His head starts to spin
Then he pukes in the bin
__________________
Old Bert he alway's got pissed
When watching that film The Exorcist
His head starts to spin
Then he pukes in the bin
And says 'I'll have a pint if you insist'
Whilst tapping my toe to some PRaT
Whilst tapping my toe to some PRaT
some arsehole pissed in my hat!
Whilst tapping my toe to some PRaT
some arsehole pissed in my hat!
Then he crapped on my shoes
Whilst tapping my toe to some PRaT
some arsehole pissed in my hat!
Then he crapped on my shoes
But give him his dues,
Whilst tapping my toe to some PRaT
some arsehole pissed in my hat!
Then he crapped on my shoes
But give him his dues
His basslines were really phat.
On being attacked by a fox
On being attacked by a fox
Dave kept his nuts in a box,
On being attacked by a fox
Dave kept his nuts in a box,
But a squirrel out for a bite
On being attacked by a fox
Dave kept his nuts in a box,
But a squirrel out for a bite
Said "god these really are shite"
On being attacked by a fox
Dave kept his nuts in a box,
But a squirrel out for a bite
Said "god these really are shite"
They taste like old sweaty socks.
Alternative version:
On being attacked by a fox
Dave kept his nuts in a box,
But a squirrel out for a bite
Took a lump out of the one on the right
Now he keeps them tucked in his socks.
What will England do with the ball?
Covenant
25-06-2010, 16:27
What will England do with the ball?
Probably nothing at all
What will England do with the ball?
Probably nothing at all
But in a dream
What will England do with the ball?
Probably nothing at all
But in a dream
Becks was heard to scream
What will England do with the ball?
Probably nothing at all
But in a dream
Becks was heard to scream
Get that f'ing ball over the wall!
Terry likes playing away
His hands are lethal they say
Terry likes playing away
His hands are lethal they say
His Dad's a coke dealer
Terry likes playing away
His hands are lethal they say
His Dad's a coke dealer
with a gauge and a feeler
Terry likes playing away
His hands are lethal they say
His Dad's a coke dealer
with a gauge and a feeler
And some scales the coke for to weigh
Wayne Rooney's head is like a spud
Wayne Rooney's head is like a spud
Wi nowt inside, it's a dud,
Wayne Rooney's head is like a spud
Wi nowt inside, it's a dud,
It's only his wag
Wayne Rooney's head is like a spud
Wi nowt inside, it's a dud,
It's only his wag
Who'll give him a shag
The Grand Wazoo
25-06-2010, 23:15
Wayne Rooney's head is like a spud
Wi nowt inside, it's a dud,
It's only his wag
Who'll give him a shag
And if we could steer these limericks away from the bloomin' World Cup, it'd be gud.
There once was a place on the net
There once was a place on the net
Where they knew a cap from a FET
There once was a place on the net
Where they knew a cap from a FET
i was told you couldn't get a set
of diodes if you didn't make a bet
The Grand Wazoo
26-06-2010, 09:18
Sorry to interrupt the genesis of this fine work of prose. I have to apologise for my last post - I swear too much in real life, and try to moderate it on the AoS, but last night I fell foul of the omnipotence of the World Cup.
I've edited it & thought I'd put a limerick in as my reason for editing, but the software wouldn't allow anything of that length.
So here it is!
I wasn't displaying decorum,
that was fit for use on a forum,
I'm so sorry to swear,
but I changed it, so there!
and if you see any more, please ignore 'em.
Right then, who's going to finish off Dimitri's lines?
There once was a place on the net
Where they knew a cap from a FET
i was told you couldn't get a set
of diodes if you didn't make a bet
That Western Electric would land you in debt
My system has plenty of PRAT
My system has plenty of PRAT
It's the same as post #64 ya twat,
My system has plenty of PRAT
It's the same as post #64 ya twat,
Now I've got crossed wires
My system has plenty of PRAT
It's the same as post #64 ya twat,
Now I've got crossed wires
I'm hearing heavenly choirs
My system has plenty of PRAT
It's the same as post #64 ya twat,
Now I've got crossed wires
I'm hearing heavenly choirs
'Coz it sounds so dynamic, not flat
A young lad born in September
A young lad born in September
Or maybe June, I can't remember
A young lad born in September
Or maybe June, I can't remember
Or it could have been May
A young lad born in September
Or maybe June, I can't remember
Or it could have been May
Bibbly boo de dooly de
A young lad born in September
Or maybe June, I can't remember
Or it could have been May
Bibbly boo de dooly de
You're wrong, it was definitely December.
( My alternative:
A young lad born in September
Was lacking a decent member
He got nowhere near
With an approach from the rear
Without using a ten inch extender. )
My grannie has got the hump
My grannie has got the hump
When she farts it come out in a lump,
My grannie has got the hump
When she farts it comes out in a lump, (<- I thought only Puffins did this )
You shouldn't go near
My grannie has got the hump
When she farts it comes out in a lump
You shouldn't go near
on a Wednesday, I hear
My grannie has got the hump
When she farts it comes out in a lump
You shouldn't go near
on a Wednesday, I hear
Unless she's used her stomach pump.
This thread's going rather well. Scanning leaves a bit to be desired in places, but can't fault the originality!
There was a young fellow from Kent
There was a young fellow from Kent
Who spent a whole night in a tent
There was a young fellow from Kent
who spent a whole night in a tent
His lilo went down, and he woke with a frown
There was a young fellow from Kent
who spent a whole night in a tent
His lilo went down, and he woke with a frown
That deflated young fellow from Kent.
[Now there is a classically constructed limerick!]
[[Edit: Marco used Admin privileges in this post to correct his spelling lie-lo to lilo. but it is a beautiful line!]]
There was an old hill-billy called Hank
There was an old hill-billy called Hank
Who drank hooch from a rusty old tank
There was an old hill-billy called Hank
Who drank hooch from a rusty old tank
The liquor was grim and tasted like Vim
There was an old hill-billy called Hank
Who drank hooch from a rusty old tank
The liquor was grim and tasted like Vim
But at least it dulled the pain of a wank
Old Doris was fond of a bit
Old Doris was fond of a bit
When she learned to knit
If it wasn't for Tom
Old Doris was fond of a bit
When she learned to knit
If it wasn't for Tom
and his bent CD Rom
Old Doris was fond of a bit
When she learned to knit
If it wasn't for Tom
and his bent CD Rom
Her woolies wouldn't have split.
A man who was living in Devizes
came first when comparing sizes
There was an old hill-billy called Hank
Who drank hooch from a rusty old tank
The liquor was grim and tasted like Vim
But at least it dulled the pain of a wank
Somehow, that was always going to happen...
A man who was living in Devizes
came first when comparing sizes
One weighed over a pound
A man who was living in Devizes
came first when comparing sizes
One weighed over a pound
And hanged down to the ground
A man who was living in Devizes
came first when comparing sizes
One weighed over a pound
And hanged down to the ground
The other a small rodent that won prizes
Devilish Dave as ever so brave
Devilish Dave as ever so brave
Went stark-bollock naked to a rave
Devilish Dave as ever so brave
Went stark-bollock naked to a rave
He swallowed some Es
Devilish Dave as ever so brave
Went stark-bollock naked to a rave
He swallowed some Es
and Marrowfat peas
Devilish Dave as ever so brave
Went stark-bollock naked to a rave
He swallowed some Es
and Marrowfat peas
And now he lies dead in his grave
I once bought an amp called Naim
I once bought an amp called Naim
But it sounded just the same
I once bought an amp called Naim
But it sounded just the same
Teddy capped it all
I once bought an amp called Naim
But it sounded just the same
Teddy capped it all
which made it enthrall
I once bought an amp called Naim
But it sounded just the same
Teddy capped it all
which made it enthrall
He got so excited he came!
The devil's in the detail said the man with just one eye,
The devil's in the detail said the man with just one eye,
As he spat out a mouthful of weevil infested pie.
The devil's in the detail said the man with just one eye,
As he spat out a mouthful of weevil infested pie.
'Fret ye not' his pet parrot cried
Err, have we gone a bit awry here?
The devil's in the detail said the man with just one eye,
As he spat out a mouthful of weevil infested pie.
Check the past- by- date, before it is too late
Or you'll end with your toes pointing to the sky.
Or as you were:
The devil's in the detail said the man with just one eye,
As he spat out a mouthful of weevil infested pie.
'Fret ye not' his pet parrot cried
The devil's in the detail said the man with just one eye,
As he spat out a mouthful of weevil infested pie.
'Fret ye not' his pet parrot cried
I've tasted better but very well tried
The devil's in the detail said the man with just one eye,
As he spat out a mouthful of weevil infested pie.
'Fret ye not' his pet parrot cried
I've tasted better but very well tried
Then keeled over with a groan and a sigh.
My new amp is quite unique
My new amp is quite unique
I bought it in an audio boutique
My new amp is quite unique
It was bought in a fit of pique
My new amp is quite unique
It was bought in a fit of pique
I traded in my speakers
And a pair of smelly sneakers
My new amp is quite unique
It was bought in a fit of pique
I traded in my speakers
And a pair of smelly sneakers
Now my life is very bleak.
Aunty Mary's canary
Aunty Mary's canary
was as bent as a two bob fairy
Aunty Mary's canary
Was extremely lairy
Which one are we using? :eyebrows:
Marco.
Two for the price of one:
Aunty Mary's canary
was as bent as a two bob fairy
We knew it was gay
Aunty Mary's canary
Was extremely lairy
It battered the cage
The Grand Wazoo
28-06-2010, 21:53
Aunty Mary's canary
was as bent as a two bob fairy
We knew it was gay
When it flew one day
....or.....
Aunty Mary's canary
Was extremely lairy
It battered the cage
In a petulant rage
Aunty Mary's canary
was as bent as a two bob fairy
We knew it was gay
Coz it whistled that way
Aunty Mary's canary
Was extremely lairy
It battered the cage
In a mad fit of rage
Eek! Multiple simultaneous posts.
Aunty Mary's canary
was as bent as a two bob fairy
We knew it was gay
Coz it whistled that way
With tune so suspiciously airy
Aunty Mary's canary
Was extremely lairy
It battered the cage
In a mad fit of rage/In a petulant rage
With a beak that was horribly scary.
I've had enough of f-ing Capello
I've had enough of f-ing Capello
but he's such a bloody nice fellow
I've had enough of f-ing Capello
but he's such a bloody nice fellow
the Team all agreed
I've had enough of f-ing Capello
but he's such a bloody nice fellow
the Team all agreed
(on their chips he had pee'd
and turned them all nasty yellow)
As you were...
I've had enough of f-ing Capello
but he's such a bloody nice fellow
the Team all agreed
I've had enough of f-ing Capello
but he's such a bloody nice fellow
the Team all agreed
with them he should feed
I've had enough of f-ing Capello
but he's such a bloody nice fellow
the Team all agreed
with them he should feed
On the vitriol of fans and some Jello!
Tis the height of chic to wear flippers
The Grand Wazoo
29-06-2010, 07:07
Tis the height of chic to wear flippers
On top of your fluffy slippers
Tis the height of chic to wear flippers
On top of your fluffy slippers
The reason I do
Tis the height of chic to wear flippers
On top of your fluffy slippers
The reason I do
Is that I can't afford a shoe
Tis the height of chic to wear flippers
On top of your fluffy slippers
The reason I do
Is that I can't afford a shoe
But my feet end up smelling of kippers
It shouldn't have happened like this
It shouldn't have happened like this
Me wetting my pants with piss
It shouldn't have happened like this
Me wetting my pants with piss
But when your zip is stuck
It shouldn't have happened like this
Me wetting my pants with piss
But when your zip is stuck
You're bang out of luck
It shouldn't have happened like this
Me wetting my pants with piss
But when your zip is stuck
You're bang out of luck
'Have you finished that review?' we all hiss.
Hamish had a glass half-full
Hamish had a glass half-full
Mind you he was out "on the pull"
Hamish had a glass half-full
Mind you he was out "on the pull"
Along came Jill, who gave him a thrill
By nibbling on the end of his tool!
Boom boom!!
Harry loves a ham sandwich
Harry loves a ham sandwich
But there'd been a bit of a hitch
Whatever's this meat, it taste like feet
Who's the bugger that made the switch
And now for something completley different:
A pile sufferer from York
A pile sufferer from York
Was always pokin' em with a fork
A pile sufferer from York
Was always pokin' em with a fork
When done to a crisp
He'd say with a lisp:
"I'll ram one up Bjork!"
The cream boy arrived late
The cream boy arrived late
His todger resembled a plate
The cream boy arrived late
His todger resembled a plate
Then entered a bear
Who whipped off his pair
The cream boy arrived late
His todger resembled a plate
Then entered a bear
Who whipped off his pair
and galloped naked around Sainburys to celebrate
Big Knockers are always a hit
Covenant
30-06-2010, 19:52
Big Knockers are always a hit
Between them I like to fit
Big Knockers are always a hit
Between them I like to fit
My nice little "teddy"
all hot and ready,
Big Knockers are always a hit
Between them I like to fit
My nice little "teddy"
all hot and ready,
And so is my big hairy slit!
The fart I just had
The fart I just had
Reminds me of my dad
The fart I just had
Reminds me of my dad
He once had a feeling
The fart I just had
Reminds me of my dad
He once had a feeling
That he could shit on the ceiling
The fart I just had
Reminds me of my dad
He once had a feeling
That he could shit on the ceiling
And boy, did the room smell bad!
There once was a wonky piano
The Grand Wazoo
30-06-2010, 21:56
There once was a wonky piano
That was played by a plonky wino
There once was a wonky piano
That was played by a plonky wino
He sat on the stool
There once was a wonky piano
That was played by a plonky wino
He sat on the stool
Playing his tool
The Grand Wazoo
30-06-2010, 22:34
There once was a wonky piano
That was played by a plonky wino
He sat on the stool
Playing his tool
With a butt-plug made from a horny rhino
There once was a talented young drifter
There once was a talented young drifter
Who was known as a frisky shirt-lifter
There once was a talented young drifter
Who was known as a frisky shirt-lifter
In a Top Hat and tails
and a bag full of snails
There once was a talented young drifter
Who was known as a frisky shirt-lifter
In a Top Hat and tails
and a bag full of snails
He couldn't manage to be any swifter
Actually, I'm disappointed to see that the wit and invention of earlier entries has been replaced with utter filth. In an appeal to rasie the tone I give you this offering:
She licked and caressed his nob
with an expertly given blow job
He'd rather a f**k than any more suck
But it's the week she's having her blob.
Ok, so back to normal then:
'Twas on the good ship Regina
There once was a talented young drifter
Who was known as a frisky shirt-lifter
In a Top Hat and tails
and a bag full of snails
It tickled his fancy much swifter!
Old Harry McGarry did marry
You're the boss.
Old Harry McGarry did marry
A right old dog called Sally
She flashed her rack behind his back
And notched up an incredible tally
Ah, revenge is sweet:
'Twaz on the goodship Regina
'Twaz on the goodship Regina
The cooks could do wonders with a Banina
It's not fair, there ganging up on me now. :(
Nope, doesn't scan too well that:eyebrows::eyebrows::eyebrows:
Do we re-boot or not?
Said the IT guy with runny snot
Do we re-boot or not?
Said the IT guy with runny snot
He got out his floppy, to make a copy
But the hard drive had gone to pot.
Third time lucky? Go on you know you love it.
'Twas on the good ship Regina
'Twas on the good ship Regina
Lived a man with a cock and vagina
To cope with his trouble
He bent it back double
And said hows that for a two bob nut grinder.
Old Pete died 'appy they said
Old Pete died 'appy they said
When they found his corpse under his bed
Old Pete died 'appy they said
When they found his corpse under his bed
But on the ceiling they found
Old Pete died 'appy they said
When they found his corpse under his bed
But on the ceiling they found
A turd, big and round
Old Pete died 'appy they said
When they found his corpse under his bed
But on the ceiling they found
A turd, big and round
And a Ferret that had just got wed
The girl next door was real cute
The girl next door was real cute
I was looking at forbidden fruit
The girl next door was real cute
I was looking at forbidden fruit
She slipped off her bra, things went too far
The girl next door was real cute
I was looking at forbidden fruit
She slipped off her bra, things went too far
i jizzed in my pants playing toot toot,
There once was a lass called Venis
There once was a lass called Venis
whose quest in life was the pursuit of hap piness
There once was a lass called Venis
whose quest in life was the pursuit of hap piness
She had a cough, so her wig fell off
There once was a lass called Venis
whose quest in life was the pursuit of hap piness
She had a cough, so her wig fell off
and her leg ended up in Tunis
There once was a lass called Venis
whose quest in life was the pursuit of hap piness
She had a cough, so her wig fell off
and her leg ended up in Tunis
Start us off then... :)
Daphne did a merry dance
Her roots told her to Jump 'N Prance
Daphne did a merry dance
Her roots told her to Jump 'N Prance
Then one day Billy came to play
And swiftly sniffed her soiled pants!
Oh Susana loved a banana
Oh Susana loved a banana
I want it NOW! not manana
Oh Susana loved a banana
I want it NOW! not manjana
But her boyfriend, the brute
Had run out of fruit
Oh Susana loved a banana
I want it NOW! not manjana
But her boyfriend, the brute
Had run out of fruit
So he slipped her a length of Marijuana
I got arrested for bashing a Bishop
Just to clarify, is that "a Bishop" or "the Bishop"? We want our limericks to be the real definite article.:)
I got arrested for bashing a Bishop
He was the spitting image of Ian Hislop
I got arrested for bashing a Bishop
He was the spitting image of Ian Hislop
His "third" Private Eye
I got arrested for bashing a Bishop
He was the spitting image of Ian Hislop
His "third" Private Eye
Had developed a sty
I got arrested for bashing a Bishop
He was the spitting image of Ian Hislop
His "third" Private Eye
Had developed a sty
So I pleaded 'not guilty, your worship!'
The secret of happiness, I'm told
The secret of happiness, I'm told
Is never to keep your farts on hold
The secret of happiness, I'm told
Is never to keep your farts on hold
Let 'em out, let 'em rip
Techno Commander
03-07-2010, 14:42
The secret of happiness, I'm told
Is never to keep your farts on hold
Let 'em out, let 'em rip
Dont follow through, with a shit
The secret of happiness, I'm told
Is never to keep your farts on hold
Let 'em out, let 'em rip
Dont follow through, with a shit
Unless you feel exceptionally bold
Dave Cameron said 'prepare for the cuts'
Dave Cameron said 'prepare for the cuts'
The previous government had no guts
Dave Cameron said 'prepare for the cuts'
The previous government had no guts
Nick Clegg said 'I agree with Dave'
Dave Cameron said 'prepare for the cuts'
The previous government had no guts
Nick Clegg said 'I agree with Dave'
'Coz we had better bleeding save
Dave Cameron said 'prepare for the cuts'
The previous government had no guts
Nick Clegg said 'I agree with Dave'
'Coz we had better bleeding save
'Nah, fuck it, let's just find some sluts!
Joe, and old man of the Isles
Who suffered severely from piles
Joe, and old man of the Isles
Who suffered severely from piles
Had to smear them with lard
Joe, and old man of the Isles
Who suffered severely from piles
Had to smear them with lard
And although he tried very hard
You could see them on his arse for miles!
There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a big plook on her nose.
[CUT!]
Schweety, I assume you mean "plook" as in a spot, not any of the other definitions... Though if Chris The Grand Wazoo reads this, it will be #1:
"To engage in nonorthogenital forms of sexual penetration lending themselves to consecutive reciprocity between partners.
JOE:
This is exciting
I never plooked
A tiny chrome-plated machine
That looks like a magical pig
With marital aids stuck all over it
Such as yourself before
SY BORG:
You'll love it!
Its a way of life.
JOE:
Does that mean maybe later
You'll plook me....
Frank Zappa, Joe's Garage"
Or #2
The equivalent to "f*ck" as dubbed by Frank Zappa.
"These executives have plooked the fuck out of me."
From the song "Outside Now." on the album "Joe's Garage."
Although with your potty humour... #4
A person who gets a sexual thrill from taking a dump. ;)
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=plook
OK, we'll assume it's a zit
[TAKE 2! - ACTION!]
There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a big plook on her nose
She gave it a squeeze
Techno Commander
05-07-2010, 20:50
There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a big plook on her nose
She gave it a squeeze
It erupted with ease
There was a young lady named Rose
Who had a big plook on her nose
She gave it a squeeze
It erupted with ease
And covered all those who were close.
There was a tall man with a lollipop
Dave Cameron said 'prepare for the cuts'
The previous government had no guts
These are just getting worse. Try:
Dave Cameron said there'll be cuts.
The previous lot had no guts.
They spent all the cash,
And made off with a dash.
How I'd like to be kicking their butts.
Next:
There was a young lover of Naim
There was a young lover of Naim
Who was a closet pantomime dame
There was a young lover of Naim
Who was a closet pantomime dame
He slipped off his bloomers
Started all sorts of rumours
His tweeters were never the same
There was a head-honcho called Marco
There was a head-honcho called Marco
Who pranced around starko
Techno Commander
06-07-2010, 23:45
There was a head-honcho called Marco
Who pranced around starko
He stroked the Amstrad
Twas the finest he'd had
There was a head-honcho called Marco
Who pranced around starko
He stroked the Amstrad
Twas the finest he'd had
But ended up going stark-raving barko!
Old manky Pete had stinky feet
Techno Commander
07-07-2010, 17:48
Old manky Pete had stinky feet
They really didnt smell too sweet
The Grand Wazoo
07-07-2010, 18:15
Old manky Pete had stinky feet
They really didnt smell too sweet
So he walked on petunias
.....................I dare you to find a rhyme for that!!!
Old manky Pete had stinky feet
They really didnt smell too sweet
So he walked on petunias
Pulled down his pants and mooned ya's
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam
The Vinyl Adventure
18-07-2010, 11:29
ERROR!
The Vinyl Adventure
18-07-2010, 11:30
Old manky Pete had stinky feet
They really didnt smell too sweet
So he walked on petunias
Pulled down his pants and mooned ya's
And rubbed his dirty teet
The Vinyl Adventure
18-07-2010, 11:31
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam
God said oh dear
The Vinyl Adventure
18-07-2010, 11:32
Que? :scratch:
Marco.
You started before you finished.... Fixed it now though... Fairly baddly
Techno Commander
18-07-2010, 11:33
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam
God said oh dear
Eve has no fear
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam
God said oh dear
They're rather small, I fear
Marco.
Lol - choose which one you prefer!
Marco.
The Vinyl Adventure
18-07-2010, 11:43
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam
God said oh dear
Eve has no fear
Stop rubbin and grab'em
The Vinyl Adventure
18-07-2010, 11:44
Do you need quotation marks in limericks
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam
God said "oh dear
Eve has no fear
Stop rubbin and grab'em"
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam
God said oh dear
Eve has no fear
Doesn't anyone understand the metre of a Limmerick?
In the garden of Eden sat Adam
Massaging the bust of his madam.
The LORD said, "O dear,
My Eve has no fear,
And the snake is a coming to catch 'em."
I though this place was "The Art of Sound"?
Lol - it started off ok, Brian! :eyebrows:
Ok, let's go again with this:
There was a young woman named Sally,
who loved an occasional dally
Lol - it started off ok, Brian! :eyebrows:
Ok, let's go again with this:
There was a young woman named Sally,
who loved an occasional dally
There was a young woman named Sally,
who loved an occasional dally.
There came a young man,
good looker, with tan,
who said he would like to be pally.
Marks out of ten?
Top marks there, Brian! :clap:
Marco.
There was an ageing audiophile
Who placed his speakers on a stile.
There was an ageing audiophile
Who placed his speakers on a stile.
Across the Tannoy, loud was heard
Oi you fucking stupid turd
There was an ageing audiophile
Who placed his speakers on a stile.
Across the Tannoy, loud was heard
Oi you fucking stupid turd
One syllable short:
There was an ageing audiophile
Who placed his speakers on a stile.
Across the Tannoy, loud was heard
"Oi stop! You fucking stupid turd"
"You are a most annoying nurd"
Would be a little more polite!
---
There was a broadcaster from Rome
Who broke his best loudspeaker cone.
Covenant
18-07-2010, 18:59
There was an ageing audiophile
Who placed his speakers on a stile.
Across the Tannoy, loud was heard
"Oi stop! You fucking stupid turd"
"You are a most annoying nurd"
Would be a little more polite!
Sorry, I prefer Puffin's-turd is a great word for limericks:
A sewerage worker named Clyde
fell into a sewer and died
the next day his brother
fell into another
And now the're in turd side by side!
And now the're in turd side by side!
Ah yes, potty humour. :)
___
There was a broadcaster from Rome
Who broke his best loudspeaker cone.
"O no, that's my tweeter, twill never be sweeter.
I'll have to give up and go home."
---
A long dead musician called Byrd
(If you want some potty humour rhymes.)
Covenant
18-07-2010, 19:05
But clever potty humour. There is a fair bit of it about on AOS hey Marco?
New Limerick :-
Did I do something wrong
Said the man who was not from Hong Kong
New Limerick :-
Did I do something wrong
Said the man who was not from Hong Kong
Did I do something terribly wrong?
Said the man who was not from Hong Kong
From KL to Puna he ate all the tuna
And the rest, they put up with the pong.
---
A long dead musician called Byrd
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