View Full Version : Best lines from tv and film....your favorites
Thought it might be a good thread... i love superbly written scripts..
Here is one from Blackadder 2, when Edmond is in conversation with redbeard rum the sea captain
Ha. -Aah! You have a woman's purse! [takes it from him and
examines it daintily] I'll wager that purse has never been
used as a rowing-boat. I'll wager it's never had sixteen
shipwrecked mariners tossing in it.
One of my Alan Partridge favourites.
(After having a child thrown out of the country club lounge) 'They got you on the 'no jeans' rule did they? Nazis! Although they do have excellent facilities... Just like the Nazis.'
My favourite is a Clint Eastwood line from 'High Plains Drifter':
'Don't piss down my back and tell me it's raining'.
Closely followed by the line from 'Treasure of the Sierra Madre':
'Badges? We don' need no steenkin' badges!'
Lots of good lines in Eastwood films: Outlaw Joey Wales has some crackers:
'Are you going to pull those pistols or whistle Dixie?'
'Not a hard man to track. Leaves dead men wherever he goes.'
From 'To Have and Have Not', and said by the sultry Lauren Bacall in her debut role:
"You know how to whistle Steve don't you? You just put your lips together - and blow."
From 'Apocalypse Now':
"Charlie don't surf"
Always liked Apocolypse Now. Top film.. some great lines in there :)
trio leo
06-10-2016, 11:25
He's not the Messiah! he's a very naughty boy, Terry Jones life of Brian
four candles
you're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!
Bond! what are you doing? looks like he's attempting re-entry sir. Moonraker
great post, some good lines to be had.
cheers Al
Said by Miss Moneypenny to James Bond: "You always were a cunning linguist".
What we have here is a failure to communicate. (Strother Martin) in cool hand luke.
And...
Do ya feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk! (Clint Eastwood) in dirty harry.
Dr McCoy, Star Trek
" it's life Jim but not as we know it "
fatmarley
06-10-2016, 17:26
Works better if you watch the whole scene.
One of my favorite lines from Red Dwarf:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa_gZ_7sdZg
Works better if you watch the whole scene.
One of my favorite lines from Red Dwarf:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qa_gZ_7sdZg
So many first class lines, one of my favorites has to be Rimmer arguing with himself and shouting " stop your foul whining you dank tuft of rectal pubic hair "
agreed. The Dwarf is full of them..
"You can lead a hearse to water, but cant make it sink" the cat:D
agreed. The Dwarf is full of them..
"You can lead a hearse to water, but cant make it sink" the cat:D
Not forgetting the frequent name-dropping of a certain Italian manufacturer of domestic white goods (although some of them are not necessarily white)!
fatmarley
06-10-2016, 19:44
We're going to need a bigger boat.
Wax on, wax off.
Not forgetting the frequent name-dropping of a certain Italian manufacturer of domestic white goods (although some of them are not necessarily white)!
Puirely as a service to fellow AOSers, I have one of the afore mentioned Italian white goods and it is rubbish, I don't recommend them in any way shape or form, Hopeless in hot weather and unbelievably expensive to repair.
i seem to be perspexed:scratch:
Puirely as a service to fellow AOSers, I have one of the afore mentioned Italian white goods and it is rubbish, I don't recommend them in any way shape or form, Hopeless in hot weather and unbelievably expensive to repair.
I don't think I could trust the top of full-cream milk that had been kept in one of those fridges! :D
Pieoftheday
10-10-2016, 16:33
From Porridge, what you in for Fletch? Got caught, class:lol:
Do you expect me to talk Goldfinger?
No I expect you to die...
The Black Adder
10-10-2016, 17:51
Come... it is time to keep your appointment with the Wicker Man.
Not the Nine O'Clock News -The Swedish Chemist :lol: classic!
walpurgis
10-10-2016, 17:54
"Oy vey. Have you got the wrong Vampire!"
Who knows where that came from (without Googling)?
Couple of my favourites from 'This Is Spinal Tap'
'Have a good time, all the time. That's my philosophy, Marty'
'As long as I've got the sex and the drugs I can do without the rock and roll.'
And Super Hans from 'Peep Show':
'Well I was bored. It's rock and roll, we're backstage, someone's got to suck someone off.'
"Oy vey. Have you got the wrong Vampire!"
Who knows where that came from (without Googling)?
The Roman Polanski film 'Dance with a Vampire'?
"Somewhat unexplicably, Martha, disembowelling that hamster has given me an appetite."
Marco.
The Black Adder
10-10-2016, 20:08
"Why worry... each of us is wearing a nuclear accelerator on his back" - Ghost Busters
walpurgis
10-10-2016, 20:11
The Roman Polanski film 'Dance with a Vampire'?
Yup. Although I believe it was Dance of The Vampires to be pedantic (called the Fearless Vampire Hunters in USA). Great film! One of my favourite Roman Polanski movies. Pretty sure I've got it on DVD somewhere. Must check.
The line was from Alfie Bass when somebody was trying to fend him off with a cross, not realising he was a Jewish vampire and it wouldn't work.
The Roman Polanski film 'Dance with a Vampire'?
Saw it in the cinema with my little brother when I was about 10 or 11 lol.
Sadly Sharon Tate would end up meeting a grisly end at the hands of Manson followers.
It takes 2 to lie. One to lie and one to listen....... Homer Simpson
Truly, for some men nothing is written unless THEY write it.... Sherif Ali
“As a species we're fundamentally insane. Put more than two of us in a room, we pick sides and start dreaming up reasons to kill one another. Why do you think we invented politics and religion?”
"Gentlemen, you can't fight in here - this is the War Room".
(from Stanly Kubrik's 'Dr. Strangelove'.)
From Red Dwarf
Kryten: This is the inquisitor. He prunes away the wastrels,expunges the wretched, and deletes the worthless.
Rimmer: We’re in big trouble!
From Mike Leigh's 'Naked':
Louise: So what happened? Were you bored in Manchester?
Johnny: Was I bored? No, I wasn't fuckin' bored. I'm never bored. That's the trouble with everybody – you're all so bored. You've 'ad nature explained to you, and you're bored with it. You've 'ad the living body explained to you, and you're bored with it. You've 'ad the universe explained to you, and you're bored with it. So now you just want cheap thrills and like plenty of 'em, and it dun matter 'ow tawdry or vacuous they are as long as it's new, as long as it's new, as long as it flashes and fucking bleeps in forty different colours. Well, whatever else you can say about me, I'm not fuckin' bored.
"Thank you for a memorable afternoon, usually one must go to a bowling alley to meet a woman of your stature." - 'Hobson', from the film Arthur (1981).
And from the same film: "If you and your undershirt will walk two paces backwards, I could enter this dwelling." - 'Hobson'.
Classic! :D
Marco.
Spectral Morn
11-10-2016, 15:56
'American Express ? Yes that will do very nicely and would you like to rub my tits' Not the 9 O'clock News
Some people are on the pitch - they think it's all over - it is now!
Homer Simpson:
'Marge, don't discourage the boy. Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals. Except the weasel.
'I probably shouldn't have eaten that packet of gravy powder I found in the parking lot.'
walpurgis
13-10-2016, 18:44
"The bowler's Holding, the batsman's Willey"
The Black Adder
13-10-2016, 18:52
Do the shake and vac and put the freshness back.
The late, great Rick Mayal in The Young Ones
" Vivian, you utter bastard "
" oh go on sir, just a waffeaur theen meent "
The Young Ones .Rik "What are you doing? ,Neil" Neil-"I'm painting myself white to deflect the blast"
The Black Adder
13-10-2016, 20:11
Vivian... Eat the TV.
when Pitt the Younger enters the room, Prince George says..... I say, Blackadder, are you sure this is the PM? Seems more like an oily tick to me. When I was at school, we used to line up four or five of his sort, make 'em bend over, and use 'em as a toast rack.
Vivian... Eat the TV.
Then later " it's not a TV, it's a toaster "
"No. No, Mother, I have not been drinking. No. No. These two men, they poured a whole bottle of bourbon into me. No, they didn't give me a chaser!"
Cary Grant in North By Northwest.
"No. No, Mother, I have not been drinking. No. No. These two men, they poured a whole bottle of bourbon into me. No, they didn't give me a chaser!"
Cary Grant in North By Northwest.
An excellent film.
...........and a great Soundtrack Album. :)
'You're gonna look awful silly ,with that knife sticking out of your ass !!!' Clint Eastwood -
"I suppose a F**k is out of the question"
From an 80's classic ;)
walpurgis
09-12-2016, 22:20
"I suppose a F**k is out of the question"
From an 80's classic ;)
Sounds like something from 'Bad Santa', but that's much more recent. Some good lines in that movie.
Canetoad
10-12-2016, 08:17
You know, you're gonna look pretty silly eating corn on the cob with NO F$%KING TEETH!
Blues Brothers.
For the grey haired amongst us:
"left hand down a bit..."
Sounds like something from 'Bad Santa', but that's much more recent. Some good lines in that movie.
See No Evil, Hear No Evil with Gene Wilder and Richard Pryor
'I know you gentlemen have been through a lot, but when you find the time, I'd rather not spend the rest of this winter TIED TO THIS FUCKING COUCH!'
One of my all time fav bits of dialogue from Don Rickles playing Crapgame in Kelly's heros............
Hello, Hogan? It's Crapgame.........
I got you the scotch and the nylons you wanted............
Do I ever fail you? .......
You better believe it. Never miss...Listen......l got a little favor to ask of you...........
Will you stop crying, I haven't even asked you yet! .. What's the matter with you?
09mike69
16-12-2016, 22:01
you may remember me from such self help books as "smoke your self thinner" and "get confident, stupid"
troy mclure in the simpsons aka the late great phil hartman.
One of my all time fav bits of dialogue from Don Rickles playing Crapgame in Kelly's heros............
Yes , great stuff , and obviously anything Oddball said !!
Like - I'm drinking wine and eating cheese, and catching some rays, you know.
;)
'We're holding ourselves in reserve in case the Krauts mount a counter-attack that threatens Paris. Or New York.'
Oddball to Crapgame...
To a New Yorker like you, a hero is some type of weird sandwich, not some nut who takes on three Tigers. :eyebrows:
'In any case I don't need you. Sixty feet of bridge I can pick up practically anywhere!'
here's one ,
'still shaking that tree boss'
Elwood: It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it!
and from the same film: Elwood: “I took the liberty of bullshitting you”
From Red Dwarf (there's so many it's hard to pick a favourite!):
KRYTEN (after being transformed into a human): "Now then, my nipples don't
work".
LISTER: "Er, in what way, "don't work?""
KRYTEN: "Well, uh, when I was a mechanoid, the right nipple-nut was used
to regulate body temperature, while the left nipple-nut was used mainly
to pick up shortwave radio transmissions. Now, what I'm saying is, no
matter how hard I twiddle it, I can't seem to pick up Jazz FM."
Morticia (Adams Family) "Don't torture yourself Gomez. That's my job"
“Life is not the amount of breaths you take. It’s the moments that take your breath away” (will Smith in Hitch).
Elwood: It’s 106 miles to Chicago, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses.
Jake: Hit it!
But then they were on a mission of God. :)
my favourite line from 'Donnie Brasco', as delivered by Al Pacino:
'Who am I? Who am I? I'm a spoke. On a wheel. So was he. And so are you. Quit riding the fucking brake.'
Jac Hawk
04-01-2017, 22:39
“You gotta learn to drive with the fear, and there ain’t nothing more God damn frightening than driving with a live cougar in the car.” — Reese Bobby Talladega Nights
Night of the fight, you might feel a slight sting. That's pride fuckin' with you. Fuck pride! Pride only hurts, it never helps. You fight through that shit. 'Cause a year from now, when you kicking it in the Caribbean, you gonna say to yourself, "Marcellus Wallace was right." - Pulp Fiction
Sent from my SM-G920F using Tapatalk
You wont feel a thing.....til i jam this down your throat :eyebrows: Dr nick rivierra in simpsons :D
Johnny nocash
01-02-2017, 02:13
Clint Eastwood to man who's just entered the bar.... 'Are you a bounty hunter?'
Man replies... ' A man's gotta do something for a living these days'
Clint Eastwood ...'Dying's not much of a living boy'
Monologue delivered by replicant Roy Batty, end of Blade Runner - awesome
Flash: Always treat your kite like you treat your woman.
George: How do you mean, sir, take her home on weekends to meet your mother?
Flash: No; I mean get inside her five times a day and take her to heaven and back!!
'Holy dogshit! Texas! Only steers and queers come from Texas, private cowboy, and you don't much look like a steer to me so that kind of narrows it down.'
https://www.bing.com/videos/search?q=theres+only+two+things+come+from+texas&&view=detail&mid=13677CAD58D112FF967913677CAD58D112FF9679&rvsmid=13677CAD58D112FF967913677CAD58D112FF9679&fsscr=0&FORM=VDMCNL
legb4rsk
30-03-2017, 22:40
From the film 'As Good As It Gets' Loads of fantastic lines from Jack Nicholson as the obnoxious author Melvin Udall.
Jackie: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man and I take away any reason and accountability.
walpurgis
30-03-2017, 22:46
From the film 'As Good As It Gets' Loads of fantastic lines from Jack Nicholson as the obnoxious author Melvin Udall.
Jackie: How do you write women so well?
Melvin Udall: I think of a man and I take away any reason and accountability.
There's truth there. Try living in my house and you'd see!
From 'Casino'
'A lot of holes in the desert, and a lot of problems are buried in those holes. But you gotta do it right. I mean, you gotta have the hole already dug before you show up with a package in the trunk. Otherwise, you're talking about a half-hour to forty-five minutes worth of digging. And who knows who's gonna come along in that time? Pretty soon, you gotta dig a few more holes. You could be there all f***in' night.'
Clive197
19-05-2017, 15:45
From 'Finding Nemo' when the fish have escaped from the tank and are bobbing around in plastic bags in the ocean, one of them says the immortal line "Now What!"
Minstrel SE
04-07-2017, 16:03
I agree with Vinyl that the monologue delivered by Roy Batty at the end of Bladerunner is incredibly moving. He originally ad libbed that scene. The sentiment as a life ends and we try to make some sense of it, rings true with us all.
I have many films and comedy shows. I must have heard some great lines but cant remember many offhand :) Tarrantino is pretty good with dialogue
Its often just a quip or couple of words. They say a picture paints a thousand words but the right words cut very deep indeed.
From Dr at Large.. Doc to girl.."Big Breaths" reply, "Yeth,and I 'm only thixteen":lol:
Frazeur1
11-09-2019, 09:55
I love Wes Anderson films, here are a couple of my favorites from The Grand Budapest Hotel:
M. Gustave: She was dynamite in the sack, by the way.
Zero: She was eighty-two.
M. Gustave: I've had older.
M. Gustave: It's quite a thing, winning the loyalty of a woman like that for nineteen consecutive seasons.
Zero: Um... yes, sir.
M. Gustave: She's very fond of me, you know.
Zero: Yes, sir.
M. Gustave: I've never seen her like that before.
Zero: No, sir.
M. Gustave: She was shaking like a shitting dog.
Zero: ...Truly.
There are many more, watch the film if you haven't, quite good, in my opinion anyway!
willbewill
11-09-2019, 10:27
Oddball: Why don’t you knock it off with them negative waves? Why don’t you dig how beautiful it is out here? Why don’t you say something righteous and hopeful for a change?
Tuco ,in the Good the Bad and the Ugly - as he gets thrown in the dirt before the Sheriffs office and says - ' What the hell is that ? One Bastard goes in - and another comes out !!'
i love this,apparently he read what was his original lines were and went off with a bottle of scotch and wrote these....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9S41Kplsbs
Clive197
11-11-2019, 10:12
What did the Romans ever do for us?
(Crowd) He’s the messiah.
(Mother) No he’s not, he’s a very naughty boy.
I’ll be back.
You shot him.
He’ll live.
Pepperamip
11-11-2019, 13:41
"There are old pilots and there are bold pilots but there are no old bold pilots"
Frank Spencer's flying instructor in Some Mothers Do Ave Em
Sent from my CLT-L09 using Tapatalk
fatmarley
11-11-2019, 19:57
i love this,apparently he read what was his original lines were and went off with a bottle of scotch and wrote these....
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9S41Kplsbs
It's hard to imagine anyone being able to deliver those lines as good as he did.
Harold Shand: Well, it must've been just after you saw him and just before Alan saw him. Otherwise, you'd have noticed, wouldn't you? I mean, a geezer nailed to the floor. A man of your education would definitely have spotted that, wouldn't he?
'We want the finest wines available to humanity, and we want them here, and we want them now'.
'Nihilists! Fuck me. I mean, say what you like about the tenets of National Socialism, Dude, at least it's an ethos.'
Arnie movie Commando, holds the baddie by the ankles over a cliff to get information, then drops him, gets back to the girl she says where is he, Arnie "i let him go"
He has some great lines in that film and his mangled delivery just makes it even funnier.
Mikeandvan
10-05-2020, 21:37
From Dirty Harry, scene in Mayors office - Mayor 'Intent to rape, how do you work that out?', Harry - 'When a naked man with a butchers knife and a hardon chases a woman down an alley way, I figure he ain't out collecting for the Red Cross'.
from red dwarf.
‘Your type isn’t Kochanski, Listy. It’s someone called ‘Tiffany’. It’s someone who drinks Campari and soda and wears orange crotchless panties; someone who thinks Deely-boppers are funny; someone who says ‘sumfink’ instead of ‘something’, and laughs like a freshly wounded moose strapped to a cement mixer.’ :eyebrows:
fatmarley
09-11-2020, 11:58
from red dwarf.
‘Your type isn’t Kochanski, Listy. It’s someone called ‘Tiffany’. It’s someone who drinks Campari and soda and wears orange crotchless panties; someone who thinks Deely-boppers are funny; someone who says ‘sumfink’ instead of ‘something’, and laughs like a freshly wounded moose strapped to a cement mixer.’ :eyebrows:
Sounds like my type.
Never, in all my years, have I encountered such cruel and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the church?
from the doctor films....
Dr. Simon Sparrow:[brandishing stethoscope] Now, Eva, big breaths!
Eva: Yeth, and I'm only thixteen.
boom boom
Never, in all my years, have I encountered such cruel and foul-minded perversity! Have you ever considered a career in the church?
That sounds familiar - where is it from?
That sounds familiar - where is it from?Blackadder
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