View Full Version : Just joined Tinder....ffs...Angels andministers of Grace preserve me...
lookin' for some skirt mate ;)
Dont blame you.... if you find a rich old yin, then send her over :eek:
Might keep 'er for my'self! :)
Regular updates anticipated.
brian2957
06-08-2016, 05:50
Regular updates anticipated.
With pictures please :lol:
From what I understand of the whole Internet dating thing, there are apparently thousands of victoria's secret models living in far flung lands ready to throw themselves on British gentlemen for the price of the airfare if you send it to them via Western Union money transfer or, better still, your credit card details....
brian2957
06-08-2016, 07:29
From what I understand of the whole Internet dating thing, there are apparently thousands of victoria's secret models living in far flung lands ready to throw themselves on British gentlemen for the price of the airfare if you send it to them via Western Union money transfer or, better still, your credit card details....
Or just send a wad of cash in a plain brown envelope :uhho:
How ya doin Rich ?
Or just send a wad of cash in a plain brown envelope :uhho:
How ya doin Rich ?
I'm keeping well enough mate. How's you?
Are you going to Macca's MiBO in Nov?
brian2957
06-08-2016, 07:53
I'm keeping well enough mate. How's you?
Are you going to Macca's MiBO in Nov?
Aye doin all right mate . It's my weekend for working and I'm trying to get a swap so we'll see . I would certainly like to attend .
yes...
Aye, a big hairy arse in a skirt, eh shweety? :eyebrows::eyebrows: :D
Did you fill in the section about your 'vital particulars' honestly? ;)
Marco.
P.S Don't worry, if you land a growler, Grant'll bang it.
Haselsh1
06-08-2016, 13:35
I bet she's got a bush like tinder, the kind you wanna set fire to
;)
:lolsign:
...Or shave off to a natural state of baldness! :D
Marco.
saw a couple of "things" in shop today...JEEZ right enough :stalks: Ghastliest ive seen around here I'd say; and thats up against some pretty tough opposition I can tell you ;)
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
Should that not read beheader
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder".
...and if in doubt, double-bag it! :D
Marco.
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 19:00
saw a couple of "things" in shop today...JEEZ right enough :stalks: Ghastliest ive seen around here I'd say; and thats up against some pretty tough opposition I can tell you ;)
Just visit Chemsford mate. I've never seen so many horrors in my life.
Is it chavvy tracksuit city? The worst sight ever, IMO, are fatties squeezed into skin-tight leggings! :doh: :eek: :D :spew:
Anyone for a Bratwurst? :lol:
Marco.
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 19:09
Is it chavvy tracksuit city? The worst sight ever, IMO, are fatties squeezed into skin-tight leggings! :doh: :eek: :D :spew:
Anyone for a Bratwurst? :lol:
Marco.
You've got it Marco. They usually have about six ugly, grubby kids with them too.
Nice one. I'll score Chelmsford off of my future sightseeing list ;)
They should make mirrors (and using them) compulsory before the wearing of all leggings. Unless the 'Michelin Man' look becomes fashionable, I simply can't fathom how some females, in particular, think that they look good before leaving the house! :doh:
Marco.
Sadly as a Chelmsfordian (?), I have to agree. We do seem to have more than our fair share of obese and overweight females. Now they may not be able to help being 'on the large side', but they have no dress sense whatsoever; what they do wear does nothing to detract from their shape.
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 19:36
:lolsign:
It's the exact same in Wrexham, Barry. I laughed when some young relatives visiting from Germany commented, upon going on a night out in the town centre, that 'the fatter the female, the shorter the skirt'! :eyebrows:
Perhaps some guys like that look, or both parties are just too desperate to care? :hmm:
It's maybe mainly a British thing, as I haven't encountered the same issues abroad.
Bring back the 50s and 60s, when men looked like men, and women looked like women, and people in general took some sort of pride in their appearance. It all went downhill fast, IMO, when women discovered 'trousers'! ;)
Marco.
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 19:44
This country never recovered from the shellsuit era of the eighties/nineties, when every ghastly looking numbskull, male and female wore one. Usually with food or beer stains down the front.
Shell suits are just WRONG, on every level... :nono:
Marco.
Should that not read beheader
or beer holder!
Some real horror shows out there (sorry ladies) but its true!
I'm sure they're thinking the same ;)
Did you unleash your bestest chat-up lines? :eyebrows:
Marco.
Aye...
Ive got an SME V, want to see it? :)
Not going too bad actually, who'da thunk it?
I'm sure they're thinking the same ;)
Did you unleash your bestest chat-up lines? :eyebrows:
Marco.
Like, "I'm really into fat, ugly burds" so you'll do for me lass:D
or
" You were once a man, Right?"
"Dont sweat much for a fat chick?"
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 21:05
'You can't really be as thick as you sound?'
"I love a cheesy dip, so it's fortunate you've not had a bath".
Marco.
This one could run a while.... :)
"How would you like to have babies that look like me?"
"To save time and money, let's do something cheap and superficial."
"Don't bore me with your ups and downs unless they're between the sheets."
"I love seafood, and I can smell that you do, too."
Works for me :thumbsup:
Marco.
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 21:18
'Oh. Hi, I didn't realise you were next to me. I just thought the dog had farted'
There are 8 planets in the solar system, but only 7 after I destroy Uranus...
I like fish.......fortunately :eek:
"I might not have a nice voice, but I can mimic a mean fanny fart."
Marco.
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 21:25
'Is that fake tan or do you have jaundice?'
Is that a map of Malta tattooed on the side of yer arse, sweetheart, or just cellulite scars?
Marco.
"Don't expect me to remember your name in the morning, darlin', unless you cook a good breakfast."
Marco.
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 21:35
'Love the subtle mutton dressed as lamb look'
"Are you usually this hot in bed, or is it just the effects of the menopause?"
Marco.
Is that your nose, or are you eating a banana?
:lolsign:
"I sense that something's coming between us, or it could just be the bulk of your Tena Lady Pants."
Marco.
Can I borrow your face for a few days? My arse is going on holiday
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 21:52
'My barber could help you with that moustache'
"I've just farted a topper, but don't worry, your BO has hidden the smell."
Marco.
"The hammock on the beach near our hotel's broken, but it's ok, I replaced it with a pair of your knickers."
Marco.
Are you my appendix? Cuz you're fking useless...
Can I buy you a drink or do you just want the money?
I bet when you were born, the midwife slapped your mum :eyebrows:
"So your mother taught you how to give head? If you want to be perfect wife material, sweety, you'll also need to know how to cook!"
Marco.
When she entered the bar, all heads turned..... and quite a few stomachs too :lol:
I like the wellies. They go with your image
:D :D
"Marry me, baby, and I guarantee that the healing properties of my man-cream will cure you of your lactose intolerance."
Marco.
:D Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
I came back to this thread suspecting that it would have gone rapidly downhill since the early afternoon. And it has.
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 22:38
I came back to this thread suspecting that it would have gone rapidly downhill since the early afternoon. And it has.
I dunno. Thought we were doing quite well so far! :D
walpurgis
06-08-2016, 22:40
'When you walked in I remembered I was going to buy some chicken legs'
her underwear has to be made specially at a factory in the Ukraine. They call her mummy round-round. They send her a postcard every year.
:lol:
her underwear has to be made specially at a factory in thej Ukraine. They call her mummy round-round. They send her a postcard every year.
Firebottle
07-08-2016, 05:21
I came back to this thread suspecting that it would have gone rapidly downhill since the early afternoon. And it has.
It's given me a titter this morning, oh hang on what's that near the floor :eyebrows:
I've just spat out my coffee reading back through last night's posts! :lol:
Titter ye on.....
Marco.
"I may not be a windshield repairman, but I can still fill your crack in."
"Your face may not be perfect, but beauty is only a light-switch away."
Marco.
"I dont normally forget a face, but in your case I'll make an exception."
This is my coming out party
Go back in! Your not ready
"I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly."
"I'm no weatherman, honey, but come with me and I predict a wet front and high moisture levels imminently in your direction!"
Marco.
Is it suggested chat-up lines now?
My favourites are 'Get your coat, love. You've pulled.'
And the classic:
'You must be tired because you were running through my dreams all night'
I've had success with the second one. Yes they will complain that it's cheesy but secretly every woman loves a silver-tongued charmer :)
Nope...still insults about ugly fat birds :)
http://i903.photobucket.com/albums/ac233/Macca_photos_2009/sid.jpg (http://s903.photobucket.com/user/Macca_photos_2009/media/sid.jpg.html)
I'm off the booze............... Should make me sexier ;)
You work in a tobacconists then... I would have thought a fishmongers............ hope you do a nice line in rough shag :lol:
Is that a wee rash you've got down there, hen? Never mind, the carpet burns you're about to get will cover it up!
Marco.
walpurgis
07-08-2016, 22:57
'Something about you you reminds me of the kippers I had for breakfast'
'Something about you you reminds me of the kippers I had for breakfast'
.....and its not the bones
Not sure how low this thread can descend - but to speak up for said unfortuate females, at least they will keep the flies away from your beer.
Not sure how low this thread can descend - but to speak up for said unfortuate females, at least they will keep the flies away from your beer.
Thats a horrid thing to say Barry... ;)
:D
Not sure how low this thread can descend - but to speak up for said unfortuate females, at least they will keep the flies away from your beer.
Indeed, and talking of flies reminds me of this charming little ditty:
"There was an old whore from Berlin, who had an enormous big quim; it wasn't the size that attracted the flies, but the jelly that hung round the rim!"
<Boom boom>
:D
Marco.
walpurgis
08-08-2016, 14:12
Not sure how low this thread can descend - but to speak up for said unfortuate females, at least they will keep the flies away from your beer.
No flies on the women I know. You can see where they've been though. :)
Not sure how low this thread can descend - but to speak up for said unfortuate females, at least they will keep the flies away from your beer.
:lol:
Best yet Barry!
Perhaps we should start a new room called the 'Pub Car Park'? On second thoughts, no - we have probably offended all of the few female Members here and scared them away for good!
I'm sure they'll have a sense of humour and realise that none of the comments were serious ;)
Marco.
You'd certainly like to think so....
Much worse is uttered on 'hen nights'!! :eek:
Marco.
Yes, but it is okay for women to be sexist about men. PC only applies to men in this situation. I've never been sure of the logic behind that but then political correctness has always been on dodgy ground when it comes to logic.
Much worse is uttered on 'hen nights'!! :eek:
Marco.
Do you often go on hen nights Marco?;)
Ha - no, but I hear about them and have seen the pictures (and some videos)! ;)
Marco.
Yes, but it is okay for women to be sexist about men. PC only applies to men in this situation. I've never been sure of the logic behind that but then political correctness has always been on dodgy ground when it comes to logic.
Indeed... 'Fuck political correctness' is my view. I have ZERO time for it, as it's just another form of 'big brother' control. Trust me, and as you probably know yourself, most women (especially after a few drinks and amongst their own) are NO angels! :nono:
Marco.
hifi_dave
09-08-2016, 17:10
How is it possible to have MOBO awards but not MOWO ?
Indeed... 'Fuck political correctness' is my view. I have ZERO time for it, as it's just another form of 'big brother' control. Trust me, and as you probably know yourself, most women (especially after a few drinks and amongst their own) are NO angels! :nono:
Marco.
Don't base your "global" thoughts around what you see going on in Wrexham. :eyebrows:
Ha - not just Wrexham, mate, but a lifetime's experience!
Marco.
Do you have a second vocation as a hen night entertainer? ;)
He was a stripper:eyebrows:
How is it possible to have MOBO awards but not MOWO ?
Most MOWO is just a rip-off of MOBO, so one award covers both.
It was about recognising minorities. Those minorities, are not so minor now, or persecuted/done down, as with likes of gays and for that matter womens rights, which one could say have all perhaps gone the other way. Sense would say, time to do away with such positive discrimination, but thats not gonna happen.
Never been bigoted against anyone or thing really,(except squirrels of course....hate their bushy tails ;) ) so it doesnt bother me tbh, but can see why folk would be.
He was a stripper:eyebrows:
Aye, and a painter and decorator! :D
Marco.
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