View Full Version : The "overcrowded south", 'success' and keeping up with the Joneses....
Someone I know wrote the following on another forum, whilst addressing one of the members there:
You appear to live in a remote and probably more sensible part of the UK, hundreds of miles from the overcrowded south of England, where everything runs at a million miles per hour in comparison and full of people down here feeling they have to out-do everyone else. Everyone needs to feel they have to 'Keep up with the Joneses' - or stamp on them in the need to be 'better/more successful' and I think this spills over to hobby-forums.
I think that comment is spot on (certainly when comparing the busyness/hustle and bustle I witness when 'down south', to here in Wrexham), and indeed can see plenty of evidence of the above (the latter bit) on many forums.
Question is: can you see any of that in YOUR life, and if so, are you happy about it, or would you like to change things if you could for the better, and if so, how would you go about doing it?
Thank goodness we too are WELL AWAY from the rat race that often is living in London and the south of the UK. In that respect, we're grateful to live in a tranquil suburb of Wrexham, in North Wales - well away from the false and rather soulless existence described above.
I simply couldn't stand living amongst what the chap describes, nor do Del or I have any interest in the mindless nonsense of 'keeping up with the Joneses'.
Trouble is, forums and 'real life' are full of folk who do, most likely due to having a demanding social-climbing other half, who possesses that type of selfish mentality and materialistic obsession with 'bettering' himself or herself ;)
My view? It's all rather sad. If you see any evidence of that in your life, get out now and do something about it, while or if you still can...!!
Your thoughts please, gentlemen, particularly on what your definition is of "successful"? :)
Marco.
Some people don't really have the option. If your job is down south you are pretty much stuck there.
Personally I don't' give a toss and never have. You've been to my place so you know that is true. I like London in small doses but the idea of living there and commuting on that tube everyday doesn't appeal to me. I have a mate who does just that, though and loves it. So who can say?
Think there is an element of that everywhere now. Lots of pressures on people now from every angle. Not that that is new as such but think its more prevalent now, as folk in what would have been classed as upper working and lower middle when i was young have more money and even more debt through house, car, holidays and kids, plus all the chattles that go with it. They work more. Kids get farmed out more. Need more.. Trample on more and it just goes on and on as they can never have enough.
All very sad, and tbh Maggie started it as its what she wanted ... Get the lower classes in debt with mortgages etc and fear losing it that they will go along with it all....
Oh dear i digress:doh:
Anyway i aint doing that, even if i could
Arkless Electronics
03-06-2016, 15:58
I think people can guess what I think of "social climbing" and "keeping up with the Joneses".... Come the day of the glorious revolution.... I'd have em both banned!
As for the south and that London... I was once, many years ago, a new age traveller for a while and coming from very rural Wales (Llangybi for anyone interested) to London for a few days after living in teepees etc in the middle of a forest with no mains electricity or water was such a culture shock it was palpable!
Well I moved to China old bean :) mind you, there's all kinds of madness going on here! The grand plan though is a simple life in the country when I return and to keep myself to myself. There was an interesting article in The Guardian I read online yesterday about a journalist who decided to step out of the commercial lifestyle and try to spend no money for a year, apart from food and her home. She found it tough to start with then said she was happier than she had ever been when she adjusted her lifestyle. A lesson for us all maybe?
Ditching the TV ages ago is something that changed my life and it was the first thing that went back in its box when I moved into my apartment here too. Books, music and BBC radio on the iPlayer are my entertainment.
Oh, and chuckling at you lot of nutter's :)
Sent from my XT1580 using Tapatalk
Interesting replies, chaps. I'll get to them later.
I'm also interested in what your definition is of "successful", as implied by the chap in the opening post, and whether or not you think you've achieved it - and if not, what your plans are to do so :)
Marco.
Firebottle
03-06-2016, 16:18
Success. Getting out of the rat race as early as possible. Having the choice of what you want to do in the day. Enjoying clean air and almost zero pollution. :)
My definition of successful would be having everything you need and nothing that you don't. And we really don't "need" that much.
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I spent far too many years working as a new car sales person for Audi, Mercedes etc etc and the sheer amount of customers trying to outdo their friends or neighbours in the flash car department was just laughable. I mean it was fucking ridiculous!
Thats not to say i didn't play on it :D It was so easy to sell a set of £1500 wheels to someone by saying that they're the latest and their mates didn't have them :mental:
And thinking about it, the majority of the crazy expensive cars i sold were on finance (which i knew the guys buying them just couldn't afford as was proven as we bought back a lot of them leaving the poor buggers in massive negative equity and paying off something for years that they didn't own anymore).
For one, I've never "got" the keeping up with the Joneses. I mean, who gives a rats ass what someone else has or hasn't got. Concentrate on ones own happiness and well being i say.
I have little money, but live in a rural village and will soon move again where the only traffic i'll hear is a passing tractor. Give me that any day over having a crippling mortgage and a flash car.
Beobloke
03-06-2016, 16:47
It's a generic load of tosh, Marco, and I'm a little surprised that you're quoting it so gleefully.
I live in a house in the countryside. We have no mains gas, no mains drainage and power cuts are fairly common. The nearest shop is a 35 minute walk (fortunately the nearest pub is only 25!:eyebrows:). In the winter, when a decent fall of snow comes, the roads around us generally get blocked as they are single track country lanes. When I sit outside in the garden I hear nothing but birdsong and the occasional distant tractor as there are a few farms around us.
So therefore, you might be surprised to hear that if I jump in the car and head in one of four directions from here, I can be in Winchester, Southampton, Petersfield or Portsmouth in about half an hour. You don't get a great deal further south than us but, I can assure, you, it isn't overcrowded and the pace of life is far from hectic!
As to the calm and beautiful oases further north - have you been to Manchester, Liverpool or Birmingham recently?! Much as you might like to think so, I'm afraid you don't have exclusivity on peace and tranquility, any more than us Southerners have the full UK quota of the inner city rat-race!
walpurgis
03-06-2016, 16:57
who gives a rats ass what someone else has or hasn't got.
Well said Jon! :thumbsup:
I just don't get materialism :scratch:.
Thank goodness we too are WELL AWAY from the rat race that often is living in London and the south of the UK.
Marco.
Ahem, I'm in the south (Suffolk to be exact).
Let me look out of the window for a sec...
nope, no rat race going on here
Bit of a purile comment imo
Virtual-Symmetry
03-06-2016, 17:18
If lived in the most posh area of the country i still would'nay change what i am do or buy. Fook what everyone else thinks..I personally think people that spend too much on material things brag about it in the process are just prickz.
I work with quite a few youngsters in their Twenties who are married/engaged and have big mortgages and car payments. They are very happy. They also have opportunties in life and work I would only have dreamed of at their age. I think the perception that there are all these people who are stressed and unhappy is way off. No doubt there are a few I grant you. My brothers both have two yoing kids and demanding jobs. Their lives through my eyes are impossibly hectic and stressful. But they are both very happy.
You retired folk want to get out a bit more, maybe? ;)
RobbieGong
03-06-2016, 17:28
I was born in the North and spent my formative years (up to 16) there. I've lived in London now for almost 35 years and love it. It's not perfect but to me nothing is.
London is a melting pot of amazing people of every type, class, creed, colour, style, you name it, and you get to understand that living in a big city like London.
Of course there can be another side but that applies absolutely everywhere, at home and abroad,end of.
That said it does feel a bit congested and overly populated at times.
If you can escape to the calmer environment of maybe a home in a quiet residential area of London then that's great - best of both worlds as and when.
If you cant then that might be not so good for some.
You cant beat your own door and some garden space no matter where that is.
There is so much to do in London and so much going on that you cant be bored. Money can be maybe more of a factor down here though.
On reflection I like London a lot and have never had the inclination to escape to somewhere else...
You retired folk want to get out a bit more, maybe? ;)
Been out every day this week :wheniwasaboy: Didn't seem overcrowded :scratch:
Some of us see this country as mass of downtrodden, unhappy people desperate for something better. I don't. Sure there are few like that but if you ask them what they want it just boils down to more money. they see rich people living the high life and don't understand why that can't be them. Well they got lucky we didn't. That's it.
It may be a cliche but the most unhappy, joyless people I have ever met are very wealthy. I know a fair few happy rich folk too, mind.
Well said Jon! :thumbsup:
I just don't get materialism :scratch:.
says the man with the biggest hoard in country :lol:
Ahem, I'm in the south (Suffolk to be exact).
Let me look out of the window for a sec...
nope, no rat race going on here
Bit of a purile comment imo
Lol.. Thanks! :lol:
The main purpose of the thread was to see that, if you lived in the south, you could RECOGNISE what was described in the opening post of the thread in *your* life. Essentially, if YOU could identify with it. If not (as is the case with others and you here), cool, move along - nothing more to see.... ;)
You made some great points in your earlier post, which I'll get to shortly! :)
Marco.
walpurgis
03-06-2016, 17:49
says the man with the biggest hoard in country :lol:
Wadya mean. My name's not Al. :D ;)
walpurgis
03-06-2016, 17:52
Been out every day this week :wheniwasaboy: Didn't seem overcrowded :scratch:
Standing room only here!
The OP just seems to be a trite oversimplificaton. Note the use of "everyone": So he knows a few million people well enough to pass judgement on them all? Also the word "here". Does that mean the whole south east is like the segments of a giant orange? One is much the same as the other? Sometimes you can walk two streets and go from affluence to poverty. I'm sure quite a few people who struggle to get by would take issue with the statement. Sorry but it's meaningless, intellectually lazy bollocks AFAIC.
Not in country but very close. on town limits in a small estate with one way in/out. usually fairly quiet, and i hear birdsong all time really. Yet I am only 5 mins from motorway and then 1/2 hr or so to edinburgh or glasgow really, and not much more than 1hr to Dundee up north. Have a huge retail park within 8 miles, and town or supermarket by car n couple of mins, so best of both worlds. Been to big cities and didnt like it. Not to say others do though, and if they didnt I wouldnt have my space
What about more definitions from folks of what is considered as being "successful"? Are material possessions or wealth TRUE indicators of 'success'?
Also, does anyone have the balls to admit to being guilty of 'keeping up with the Joneses' (past or present), or having a wife or girlfriend with said unfortunate social-climbing tendencies, and having to FUND the lifestyle that SHE thinks she DESERVES...??
Come on all you 'WAF victims', for starters, speak up! :eyebrows: ;)
Marco.
The Black Adder
03-06-2016, 18:13
Never tried to keep up with the jones's myself. There are plenty in our village who do become a cropper with it.
One of a few examples, this guy (very obnoxious) overstretched himself by buying a new Aston to then eat nothing but beans for ever more, seriously... but he's got an Aston (like his mate)... his wife has left him, he had to sell the house but he cruses around the village thinking he's king of em all... a very sad existence. He then gets people to buy him drinks in the pub and complains about the service charges at Aston... ffs. lol...bonkers. :mental:
There is always someone richer so the idea is flawed anyway. It seems people are driven to try and impress their fellow neighbours. Better car, better house, better and more prestigious things to own. The list goes on.
Have I ever found anyone trying up out do me in Hifi?... well, yes... am I bothered?... No. Not in the least, and no point in trying. I'm proud of the things I have but I never gloated it down other peoples throats. Most of all, for me being a member here gives me enjoyment by the sharing of knowledge, not for gloating.
Today's society is purely geared for materialistic things. More so than any other decade I've known. Something will snap one day I'm sure of it.
The Black Adder
03-06-2016, 18:17
What about more definitions from folks of what is considered as being "successful"? Are material possessions or wealth TRUE indicators of 'success'?
Also, does anyone have the balls to admit to being guilty of 'keeping up with the Joneses' (past or present), or having a wife or girlfriend with said unfortunate social-climbing tendencies...? ;)
Marco.
To the shallow minds, yes. But no, absolutely not. Success is part of ones own self.
RobbieGong
03-06-2016, 18:17
What about more definitions from folks of what is considered as being "successful"? Are material possessions or wealth indicators of 'success'?
Also, does anyone have the balls to admit to being guilty of 'keeping up with the Joneses' (past or present), or having a wife or girlfriend with said unfortunate social-climbing tendencies...? ;)
Marco.
Good questions Marco...
For me being successful is being able to keep my head above water, pay the bills without worrying and doing nice things again without worrying / struggling too much.
Having 'genuine' disposable income I guess to indulge my passions - music, hifi, F1 ( would love to go to a few of the races on the F1 calendar )
Being able to treat the wife, kids, family members (and friends) Mum and the old fella from time to time to something special, again without worrying about the cost....
Jealousy is the root of most evil. If you are jealous of this, that or the other then you will never rest. I don't give a shit what other have got. Good luck to them. Do they own it outright? If not then they are acting out a lifestyle that they think will impress others. I had a very successful career for 40 years. I am now semi-retired and drive a mini-bus for a local private school. I normally use our "mobile skip" to go to work, a beaten up, filthy ageing Clio. The parents look at you as if you crawled out from under a stone and not even worthy of a "kiss your arse" Brilliant, I love it. When I was a p/t postie I used to deliver to massive houses worth a packet, some of them had the outward trappings of success, but the ones I admired were those that drove bangers, but spoke with cut glass accents.
You see these competitions on tele, win £30,000 and £30, 000 of gadgets. Fuck Off, as if all this crap makes life worthwhile. We have always given our old cars away to worthy recipients. Old, but fully roadworthy, full service history and new MOT. People can't believe their luck. That makes me very very happy.
What about more definitions from folks of what is considered as being "successful"?
Marco.
To me personally it would be waking up happy, being cheerful through the day and going to bed smiling, rinse and repeat.
No amount of me having a flash car, big house or any other material item would ever ever influence that. I set my aims in life quite low, but the main goal is just to be content with my lot. anything over and above is a bonus. That attitude never did me any wrong :D
What about more definitions from folks of what is considered as being "successful"? Are material possessions or wealth TRUE indicators of 'success'?
Also, does anyone have the balls to admit to being guilty of 'keeping up with the Joneses' (past or present), or having a wife or girlfriend with said unfortunate social-climbing tendencies...? Come on all you 'WAF victims', for starters, speak up! :eyebrows: ;)
Marco.
Obviously many do equate money, house, hols , second home, and job position as a term for success. I guess they are probably right in many ways, but not for me. I always knew I wouldnt be rich I see success as when someone achieves something in a selfless way. Going above and beyond to save a life, or to help folk that are struggling to be more an indicator. as are having a happy life with whoever you wished to be with, if anyone. In my own calculations I guess Ive been fairly successful, and hope it stands me in good stead when I croak ;)
To me personally it would be waking up happy, being cheerful through the day and going to bed smiling, rinse and repeat.
No amount of me having a flash car, big house or any other material item would ever ever influence that. I set my aims in life quite low, but the main goal is just to be content with my lot. anything over and above is a bonus. That attitude never did me any wrong :D
Yea, be happy in your own skin, don't set out to hurt anyone and be content with your lot in life.
I think people can guess what I think of "social climbing" and "keeping up with the Joneses".... Come the day of the glorious revolution.... I'd have em both banned!
Ha - me too. I can't abide such pretentiousness. And there *will* be a revolution sooner than some may think! ;)
Marco.
It's a generic load of tosh, Marco, and I'm a little surprised that you're quoting it so gleefully.
I live in a house in the countryside. We have no mains gas, no mains drainage and power cuts are fairly common. The nearest shop is a 35 minute walk (fortunately the nearest pub is only 25!:eyebrows:). In the winter, when a decent fall of snow comes, the roads around us generally get blocked as they are single track country lanes. When I sit outside in the garden I hear nothing but birdsong and the occasional distant tractor as there are a few farms around us.
So therefore, you might be surprised to hear that if I jump in the car and head in one of four directions from here, I can be in Winchester, Southampton, Petersfield or Portsmouth in about half an hour. You don't get a great deal further south than us but, I can assure, you, it isn't overcrowded and the pace of life is far from hectic!
As to the calm and beautiful oases further north - have you been to Manchester, Liverpool or Birmingham recently?! Much as you might like to think so, I'm afraid you don't have exclusivity on peace and tranquility, any more than us Southerners have the full UK quota of the inner city rat-race!
+1 I live on the southern edge of the Southdowns National Park, which offers the same peaceful tranquility and beautiful scenery associated with all the other wonderful National Parks in the UK
There was an interesting article in The Guardian I read online yesterday about a journalist who decided to step out of the commercial lifestyle and try to spend no money for a year, apart from food and her home. She found it tough to start with then said she was happier than she had ever been when she adjusted her lifestyle. A lesson for us all maybe?
Absolutely, and it's always an eye-opener watching those programmes where modern day families go back in time, often to the 50s, 60s and 70s, and after struggling initially, finding that they actually like quite a lot of what life used to be like in previous eras, where things were much simpler - even the kids!
Now, here's the thing, in terms of adjusting lifestyles... Being a 'tech bod', how long do you think you'd be able to survive without your technological accoutrements, such as mobile phone, wi-fi, laptop, streamer, etc? ;)
Marco.
how long do you think you'd be able to survive without your technological accoutrements, such as mobile phone, wi-fi, laptop, streamer, etc? ;)
Marco.
My first thought was that it'd be reasonably tough, but looking at the first "bait" and obviously provocative post in this thread, then no problem whatsoever. Would be glad to rid myself of viewing such drivel.
to be poor and contented are riches enough!
Ali Tait
03-06-2016, 19:21
Good questions Marco...
For me being successful is being able to keep my head above water, pay the bills without worrying and doing nice things again without worrying / struggling too much.
Having 'genuine' disposable income I guess to indulge my passions - music, hifi, F1 ( would love to go to a few of the races on the F1 calendar )
Being able to treat the wife, kids, family members (and friends) Mum and the old fella from time to time to something special, again without worrying about the cost....
+1, particularly the last bit. My other half, having spent a couple of years in refuge with three kids because of an abusive ex, still can't get her head round the fact that if she needs a few quid for something, she can have it.
Hi Jon,
I spent far too many years working as a new car sales person for Audi, Mercedes etc etc and the sheer amount of customers trying to outdo their friends or neighbours in the flash car department was just laughable. I mean it was fucking ridiculous!
Thats not to say i didn't play on it :D
Hahaha - from a fellow salesman, you're a man after my own heart! I'd have milked it big-time, and their wallets, until they squeaked (whilst ripping the pish out of them behind the scenes)! :lol:
It was so easy to sell a set of £1500 wheels to someone by saying that they're the latest and their mates didn't have them :mental:
Lol - as a fan of nice wheels (and cars) myself, I can appreciate the attraction, but NOT to 'impress' my mates!
Firstly, they wouldn't be impressed because most of them drive nice cars or ride nice motorbikes themselves, so it'd be no big deal, and secondly, if I acted like that, they'd rip the pish out of me for being a tit!!
No, for me, nice wheels are simply something you fit to nice cars, in the way you'd fit a nice tonearm to a nice turntable. It's automatic, and simply a self-satisfaction thing.
If you're an enthusiast of anything, you appreciate nice things relating to any of your interests or hobbies. The notable thing is folk who have other interests/passions outside of hi-fi, and enjoy indulging in them, and those who are simply 'hi-fi nerds' with nothing much else in their lives to get excited about... ;)
And thinking about it, the majority of the crazy expensive cars i sold were on finance (which i knew the guys buying them just couldn't afford as was proven as we bought back a lot of them leaving the poor buggers in massive negative equity and paying off something for years that they didn't own anymore).
That's just utterly CRAZY! I can't even wrap my head around that.... :mental: Obviously it's some form of illness!
For one, I've never "got" the keeping up with the Joneses. I mean, who gives a rats ass what someone else has or hasn't got. Concentrate on ones own happiness and well being i say.
I have little money, but live in a rural village and will soon move again where the only traffic i'll hear is a passing tractor. Give me that any day over having a crippling mortgage and a flash car.
Same here (on all counts, apart from the rural village, which I'm envious of). Nothing wrong with having a flash car or big house, but only have those things if you can GENUINELY afford them! Too many folk these days live WAY beyond their means, in order to 'prove' something. What that is, I don't know.
The ones I have the biggest problem with, however, are the snide, resentful/jealous bastards, who can't abide others being more 'successful' or contented than they are. You know the type: those whose first reaction is thinking 'bastard', whenever reading about someone winning millions on the Lottery, rather than being pleased for them and their good fortune....
Hello 'alfer'! :wave:
Marco.
My first thought was that it'd be reasonably tough, but looking at the first "bait" and obviously provocative post in this thread, then no problem whatsoever. Would be glad to rid myself of viewing such drivel.
Lol - remember it wasn't me who wrote the words in the quote! ;)
Marco.
I think it takes all sorts to make a world, and thus there are all sorts of 'success' to suit all sorts of people. Trying to work out a single definition is probably pointless, because what one person sees as success another might see as failure.
Some people feel 'driven' to do well, and want/need some material way of demonstrating that success. Others are not driven at all, and are content with very little by way of material possessions.
Personally, I'm so bone idle it's a wonder I didn't end up sleeping rough, begging for money. As it is, I've somehow ended up far from poor, with no debts, a house I own outright, and money in the bank, and am studying a subject I've always loved. Somebody up there must like me.
Being a 'tech bod', how long do you think you'd be able to survive without your technological accoutrements, such as mobile phone, wi-fi, laptop, streamer, etc? ;)
Marco.
I could do without them all Marco, as long as I had music, I would be bloody miserable without that though. I'm living quite simply here, my apartment has virtually nothing in it save a few clothes, I do have a very simple system here, Mini-T, HRT DAC and a pair of Bronze 2 speakers and all my music on my laptop. No car, I walk to work and nothing else. I arrived with 3 suitcases and have made a trip to IKEA for a few household essentials, you could fit the lot in a cupboard. I do however have the benefit of warm weather, but material possessions, very little and no need for them either.
I could easily live without a phone, but I would struggle without my laptop, as that's my music. I wouldn't miss the internet that much either, most of its blocked here anyway!
I reckon if you totted up everything I've got here, it's worth less than your Techie, quite a bit less ;)
Sent from my XT1580 using Tapatalk
Ha - me too. I can't abide such pretentiousness. And there *will* be a revolution sooner than some may think! ;)
Marco.
First they'll come for the Mercedes owners, and string 'em up.
Beemers first... by far the worst ;)
My other half, having spent a couple of years in refuge with three kids because of an abusive ex, still can't get her head round the fact that if she needs a few quid for something, she can have it.
This made me smile
Faith in humanity restored right there :D
skimminstones
03-06-2016, 20:03
Lived in London all my life, never once felt the need to keep up with the joneses. Have days where things are busy and days when i want some peace i go for a walk or visit one of the many wonderful parks for some solitude. Ive known and chatted with my neighbours in each place ive lived and met many many lovely helpful people. Of course it has its faults but a city of 8million or so people is going to. Personally love living in London and doubt id ever move anywhere else in the country.
Ali Tait
03-06-2016, 20:07
Yeah, funny thing is, before that, she had three houses, renting out two and living in the other. She's a smart cookie, has a Geology degree, and had done well for herself. Problem is, she's such a kind soul, she was dominated and lost the lot.
She grew up in Coulsdon in Surrey, her dad was Japanese, her mum was from the Seychelles. They came here with nothing after the war, her dad built up a business with travel agencies, ending up with I think it was 27 shops across the South. He was wealthy enough to have his own plane anyway. However he did the classic, got divorced, married a young thing who had a few shops of her own, then had a heart attack at 53. She got all the shops and money, the kids got jack shit!
Hi Adam.
It's a generic load of tosh, Marco, and I'm a little surprised that you're quoting it so gleefully.
I quoted it because I found it interesting, and also it reflected my personal (albeit admittedly limited) experience of 'life down south', whenever I venture down there, which is that when I'm driving on the motorway, heading towards London, as soon as I leave the M54 and join the M6 at Birmingham, the level of traffic quadruples, and progressively gets worse the closer I get to London - and then I eventually hit the 'M25', sorry glorified car park... :rolleyes:
I simply can't comprehend how folk can handle having to deal with that level of congestion, day in day out! I'd end up slashing my wrists. You're well away from that, of course, but you can't deny it exists.
Conversely, on the way back home, as soon as I leave the M6, and join the M54 to North Wales, it's almost like another world, as all of a sudden it's 'spot the car', and I can feel the stress levels of having had to plough my way through insane amounts of traffic for hours, since leaving the M25, ebbing away, until I finally hit the near-empty roads of the A5 and A483 towards Wrexham - and that sense of 'coming home', and relief, is phenomenal!
That's what I'm used to, and simply couldn't handle the roads being heavily congested. I'm also used to being able to drive into town and find a parking space easily, without any risk of getting a ticket from over-zealous parking wardens, simply because there are plenty available. Name me one large town, down south, the size of Wrexham, where that would equally be possible - at ANY time of the day...? There are even areas here offering FREE parking, for up to TWO hours - bang in the middle of town!
It's *that* sense of FREEDOM you can't put a price on :)
I also remember once being on holiday in London, during the summer, and mistakenly taking the tube during 'rush hour'... :eek: Folk (and their hot sweaty, stinky bodies) all jammed in together like sardines, to the extent that you could hardly breathe, and staying stood up that way sometimes for half an hour! It really was the most uncomfortable and disconcerting experience - and apparently this is what commuters, and those who work in the city, have to put up with every day? And trains are not much better. I'd rather be dead.
Other 'down south' experiences? Well, there's the fact that everything is not only busier and more crowded, but also considerably more expensive than it is, certainly where I live.
I'm not imagining that either, nor am I imagining the queues everywhere and the fact that folk are running around like headless chickens and couldn't care less about anyone else but themselves. All of that, in my experience, virtually no matter where you go near London or in any of the big cities down south, is much worse than it is where I live, where there is a greater calmness and sense of COMMUNITY. People are just generally nicer because they're more RELAXED, as they have TIME to do what they need to do without rushing.
In London, I've watched people fall down in the street and folk (mainly 'the suits') trample over them, in order to get to where they need to go. I kid you not! That simply wouldn't happen up here. It's the very impersonal nature, looking after No1 attitude, and the 'hustle and bustle' of life in big cities, or overcrowded areas in the south, I detest with a passion.
Of course I realise that 'down south' equates to rather more than just London (or any large city there), and of course there are plenty of areas, such as where you live, that are the epitome of tranquility - but look at the house prices...!!
Up here I could probably buy a sprawling mansion for the cost of a semi-detached house where you live, and still enjoy the same levels of tranquility and beautiful rural scenery that you do - or more likely I'd buy a reasonable sized detached property in the country and pocket the difference, spending it instead on nice cars or hi-fi! The disposable income I'd have to enjoy would be so much greater.
Do you see my point? It's a bit like employing the 'SPPV approach' with hi-fi, only rather getting maximum 'bang for your buck' from your lifestyle! :)
As to the calm and beautiful oases further north - have you been to Manchester, Liverpool or Birmingham recently?! Much as you might like to think so, I'm afraid you don't have exclusivity on peace and tranquility, any more than us Southerners have the full UK quota of the inner city rat-race!
Indeed not, but I'd no sooner live in Manchester or Birmingham than I'd live in London! ;)
In any case, of course I see your point, and hope you can also see mine :cool:
Marco.
Yeah, funny thing is, before that, she had three houses, renting out two and living in the other. She's a smart cookie, has a Geology degree, and had done well for herself.
How's she keeping now, Ali? Hopefully much better after the health scares she's had.
Marco.
Ali Tait
03-06-2016, 20:47
She's ok thanks Marco, the diabetes doesn't help. I keep telling her she's jinxed.. :)
Nice one, mate - so glad to hear that. Lighting all those candles must've worked then! ;)
Marco.
She's a terrific gal, AND makes the most awesome curry I've ever tasted. :)
Ali Tait
03-06-2016, 21:04
I'm just glad she's still here mate. You couldn't make this shit up, this is what's happened to her-
She got married young (19) to a childhood sweetheart and had a son. He drowned in a scuba diving accident, she was left with an 18 month old baby.
In time she married again, had another son. The husband then fucked off with her sister..
In time she again got married, had another son. Luckily he was born with no physical or mental defects, given she had had the shit beaten out of her whilst she was pregnant, this whilst having been told she had cancer and had chosen not to have chemo until the child was born because of the potential of harm to the child.
Since then, she's had cancer twice again, the third time we were told it was terminal. I paid for treatment not available on the NHS, which saved her life.
Since then, she's had a heart attack, most likely because of the diabetes which hadn't been diagnosed at the time.
I mean shit, how much does someone have to go through??
Despite all this, she is the kindest and sweetest person you could ever hope to meet. She's one of those people who lights up a room when she walks in to it.
walpurgis
03-06-2016, 21:06
She's had a tough time Ali. Hope all stays well for her.
I think it takes all sorts to make a world, and thus there are all sorts of 'success' to suit all sorts of people. Trying to work out a single definition is probably pointless, because what one person sees as success another might see as failure.
Some people feel 'driven' to do well, and want/need some material way of demonstrating that success. Others are not driven at all, and are content with very little by way of material possessions.
Personally, I'm so bone idle it's a wonder I didn't end up sleeping rough, begging for money. As it is, I've somehow ended up far from poor, with no debts, a house I own outright, and money in the bank, and am studying a subject I've always loved. Somebody up there must like me.
Nice one, and you are to be congratulated for that.
I'm very 'driven', or rather I was when I was younger, which is precisely why I managed to get to the position of being semi-retired and financially secure for life, by the time I was 43.
A combination of working both stupidly hard (and 'smart') in my business as an art dealer/salesman for many years, with no holidays to speak of or buying anything 'frivolous', luck, and realising early on that no-one else was going to help me 'make it' but me, together with the huge support of my wife, (shunning paying into pointless company or private pensions, etc) and investing the money shrewdly instead in property, and selling it at the right time, got me to where I am now.
*However*, being 'driven' doesn't mean that you necessarily equate success to the material possessions you have.
For me, the 'ultimate prize', as it were, was to reach middle age with no debts, and have the TIME to do what I want, when I want, with those I love, friends and family, especially my lovely wife, with no financial worries.
For me, TIME is a precious gift, and worth so much more than money, as long as you're comfortable.
I could've had much more than I've got now, materialistically, if I'd continued to do what I was doing until I was 65, but TIME (call it work/life balance), and freedom from daily stress and pressure, meant much more to me. And to have achieved that whilst, 'touch wood', enjoying good health, is my definition of 'success' - and indeed a blessing I thank God for every day.
Marco.
RobbieGong
03-06-2016, 21:25
I'm just glad she's still here mate. You couldn't make this shit up, this is what's happened to her-
She got married young (19) to a childhood sweetheart and had a son. He drowned in a scuba diving accident, she was left with an 18 month old baby.
In time she married again, had another son. The husband then fucked off with her sister..
In time she again got married, had another son. Luckily he was born with no physical or mental defects, given she had had the shit beaten out of her whilst she was pregnant, this whilst having been told she had cancer and had chosen not to have chemo until the child was born because of the potential of harm to the child.
Since then, she's had cancer twice again, the third time we were told it was terminal. I paid for treatment not available on the NHS, which saved her life.
Since then, she's had a heart attack, most likely because of the diabetes which hadn't been diagnosed at the time.
I mean shit, how much does someone have to go through??
Despite all this, she is the kindest and sweetest person you could ever hope to meet. She's one of those people who lights up a room when she walks in to it.
And to think some people complain about jack sh&t all the time !!
Some of the very best people I've ever known have been through an unbelievable amount of suffering and adversity in life and are just beautiful souls, grateful and thankful for small and simple things that most just take for granted.
Every blessing to you for seeing and appreciating the light that she is
Every blessing to her for still being a light despite some of the cards life has dealt ;)
I'm just glad she's still here mate. You couldn't make this shit up, this is what's happened to her-
She got married young (19) to a childhood sweetheart and had a son. He drowned in a scuba diving accident, she was left with an 18 month old baby.
In time she married again, had another son. The husband then fucked off with her sister..
In time she again got married, had another son. Luckily he was born with no physical or mental defects, given she had had the shit beaten out of her whilst she was pregnant, this whilst having been told she had cancer and had chosen not to have chemo until the child was born because of the potential of harm to the child.
Since then, she's had cancer twice again, the third time we were told it was terminal. I paid for treatment not available on the NHS, which saved her life.
Since then, she's had a heart attack, most likely because of the diabetes which hadn't been diagnosed at the time.
I mean shit, how much does someone have to go through??
Despite all this, she is the kindest and sweetest person you could ever hope to meet. She's one of those people who lights up a room when she walks in to it.
I'm genuinely gob-smacked, mate. I couldn't even BEGIN to contemplate what both of you must have been through. She sounds like a fantastic and rather special person. It also says a lot about you for supporting and standing by her!
Let's not forget that it's not only the victim who suffers, but loved ones watching and having to go through it all with them.
I know a bit about that having watched my mum go from being one the fittest and most elegant 80-year old ladies you could meet, and slowly wither away in front of my eyes daily, over a period of 8 months, to a shrivelled wreck in the end, and eventually die in my arms, as a result of terminal brain cancer.
In the Catholic faith, we say that those who suffer most in life are closest to heaven. I know you're not a religious person, and perhaps your other half isn't either, but there's a good chance, one way or the other, that she'll be repaid for all her suffering. I'm a great believer in that, and also when it applies the other way round! ;)
In any case, please give her my best.
Marco.
RobbieGong
03-06-2016, 21:29
Nice one, and you are to be congratulated for that.
I'm very 'driven', or rather I was when I was younger, which is precisely why I managed to get to the position of being semi-retired and financially secure for life, by the time I was 43.
A combination of working both stupidly hard (and 'smart') in my business as an art dealer/salesman for many years, with no holidays to speak of or buying anything 'frivolous', luck, and realising early on that no-one else was going to help me 'make it' but me, together with the huge support of my wife, (shunning paying into pointless company pensions, etc) and investing the money instead in property, and selling it at the right time, got me to where I am now.
*However*, being 'driven' doesn't mean that you equate success to the material possessions you have.
For me, the 'ultimate prize', as it were, was to reach middle age with no debts, and have the TIME to do what I want, when I want, with those I love, friends and family, especially my lovely wife, with no financial worries. For me, TIME is a precious gift and worth so much more than money. And to achieve that, as well as, 'touch wood', enjoying good health, is my definition of 'success' - and indeed a blessing I thank God for every day.
Marco.
Wise, sensible and humble words young Marky boy :) probably the best I've heard you utter ( and you've uttered plenty ;) )
Forums are funny things. I never met anyone from any forum in person that I haven't found something in common with, irrespective of the part of the world they are from.
I just wish some folk were not so confrontational on forums as it makes me not want to associate or be associated with them.
The most interesting things happen when the individuals transcend the forums, become friends, help each other out, socialise together etc. That's when you become a 'community'. The thing I missed most when living and working in the south was just that, a community. I, like so many others, was there to work and it was a means to an end. I didn't have time or energy for building relationships outside of work and juggling two lives, two lots of bills etc. I met some nice people and with time could have invested more of myself in it than I did.
RobbieGong
03-06-2016, 21:37
Forums are funny things. I never met anyone from any forum in person that I haven't found something in common with, irrespective of the part of the world they are from.
I just wish some folk were not so confrontational on forums as it makes me not want to associate or be associated with them.
The most interesting things happen when the individuals transcend the forums, become friends, help each other out, socialise together etc. That's when you become a 'community'. The thing I missed most when living and working in the south was just that, a community. I, like so many others, was there to work and it was a means to an end. I didn't have time or energy for building relationships outside of work and juggling two lives, two lots of bills etc. I met some nice people and with time could have invested more of myself in it than I did.
+1 and bang on Rich. Jules68, Phonomac and Stanley B are people i've met here. They've either been to mine or I've been to there's. They have gone out of there way for me and although we are different, it's love and respect - That's what I love about this place :exactly:
I'm just glad she's still here mate. You couldn't make this shit up, this is what's happened to her-
She got married young (19) to a childhood sweetheart and had a son. He drowned in a scuba diving accident, she was left with an 18 month old baby.
In time she married again, had another son. The husband then fucked off with her sister..
In time she again got married, had another son. Luckily he was born with no physical or mental defects, given she had had the shit beaten out of her whilst she was pregnant, this whilst having been told she had cancer and had chosen not to have chemo until the child was born because of the potential of harm to the child.
Since then, she's had cancer twice again, the third time we were told it was terminal. I paid for treatment not available on the NHS, which saved her life.
Since then, she's had a heart attack, most likely because of the diabetes which hadn't been diagnosed at the time.
I mean shit, how much does someone have to go through??
Despite all this, she is the kindest and sweetest person you could ever hope to meet. She's one of those people who lights up a room when she walks in to it.
Yes she is mate. Lovely lass who we were fortunate enough to meet the other year at Glastonbury. She and Mrs B enjoyed a good chinwag I recall whilst we drank through that epic storm. Sends her love.
I could've had much more than I've got now, materialistically, if I'd continued to do what I was doing until I was 65, but TIME (call it work/life balance), and freedom from daily stress and pressure, meant much more to me. And to have achieved that whilst, 'touch wood', enjoying good health, is my definition of 'success' - and indeed a blessing I thank God for every day.
Marco.
I managed to give up work at 58, and already it seems a distant memory. I might well have done it sooner if I hadn't had to put two daughters through school and university! Our rule when starting as a couple was that we would budget so that we could manage on one salary as necessary if/when we had children. That meant several years of tight budgeting, no foreign holidays, crappy old car, but we got through that and now we're more than comfortable. I've never been jealous of others' wealth, because a) I can usually see they've worked hard for it and b) jealousy won't make me any richer. I'm truly humbled to read what others here have gone through just to survive.
She's ok thanks Marco, the diabetes doesn't help. I keep telling her she's jinxed.. :)
Good to here she is still doing well Ali :) Nowt more important than a loved one's heath.
I work with quite a few youngsters in their Twenties who are married/engaged and have big mortgages and car payments. They are very happy.
Do you know that for a FACT though, or is it simply an image that they convincingly portray?
I know quite a few folk, especially ones I used to work with, who said that they were happy, simply to save face, when deep down they were quite the opposite. Let's face it, few of us would willingly admit to being unhappy.
I think the perception that there are all these people who are stressed and unhappy is way off. No doubt there are a few I grant you. My brothers both have two yoing kids and demanding jobs. Their lives through my eyes are impossibly hectic and stressful. But they are both very happy.
Given that these people are members of your family, I fully believe you've seen ample evidence to confirm that. Thing is, I wonder how even more happier they'd be if they had less stress and more TIME to be together, instead of working their pans in so much?
Would they be unhappier with less money and 'stuff', and a smaller house and 'worse car', no 40" flat screen TV, or whatever, but instead LESS STRESS and MORE TIME to spend together as a family, as a result? I wonder how they'd choose their compromises, if given the chance... It's an interesting dilemma :)
You retired folk want to get out a bit more, maybe? ;)
Ha - you make me sound like an old man! I was semi-retired (and only occasionally working through choice), my boy, before the age you are now :ner:;)
Oh, and 'we' 'get out' rather a lot!
Marco.
Too true Grant.
A lot of us have been there in in our own version if the "Universal Tradgedy", but what makes it important is the that no matter how you get there...its the same for us all.
Sometimes "Real Life" will teach you just how important your material possesions ACTUALLY are...and thats why I find keyboard warriors sticking up for their wee corner of the universe on Twitter/ forums whatever so amusing.
Chill...more important things to use your energy on...after all, the time you have left is all that matters and lets face it...No-one gets out alive...
Do you know that for a FACT though, or is it simply an image that they convincingly portray?
I know quite a few folk, especially ones I used to work with, who said that they were happy, simply to save face, when deep down they were quite the opposite. Let's face it, few of us would willingly admit to being unhappy.
Given that these people are members of your family, I fully believe you've seen ample evidence to confirm that. Thing is, I wonder how even more happier they'd be if they had less stress and more TIME to be together, instead of working their pans in so much?
Would they be unhappier with less money and 'stuff', and a smaller house and 'worse car', no 40" flat screen TV, or whatever, but instead LESS STRESS and MORE TIME to spend together as a family, as a result? I wonder how they'd choose their compromises, if given the chance... It's an interesting dilemma :)
Ha - you make me sound like an old man! I was semi-retired (and only occasionally working through choice), my boy, before the age you are now :ner:;)
Oh, and 'we' 'get out' rather a lot!
Marco.
Sometimes Marco (as Freud famously said) "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".
If someone says they are happy...maybe they are?
Everyones circumstances are different and never judge a man till you've walked a mile in his moccasins...
(Then you'll be a mile away, and have his moccasins!)
walpurgis
03-06-2016, 22:26
No-one gets out alive...
I'm not taking anybody's word for that! :)
I'm not taking anybody's word for that! :)
Amen!
When I die I wanna come back as Warren Beatties fingertips...
Too true Grant.
A lot of us have been there in in our own version if the "Universal Tradgedy", but what makes it important is the that no matter how you get there...its the same for us all.
Sometimes "Real Life" will teach you just how important your material possesions ACTUALLY are...and thats why I find keyboard warriors sticking up for their wee corner of the universe on Twitter/ forums whatever so amusing.
Chill...more important things to use your energy on...after all, the time you have left is all that matters and lets face it...No-one gets out alive...
if someone remembers you fondly then you never really die ... FFS lets party like its 1899;)
walpurgis
03-06-2016, 22:34
Amen!
When I die I wanna come back as Warren Beatties fingertips...
Dunno about 'coming back'. I've got no intention of going..............
if someone remembers you fondly then you never really die ... FFS lets party like its 1899;)
On my 3rd malt.... :)
Sometimes Marco (as Freud famously said) "Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar".
If someone says they are happy...maybe they are?
Everyones circumstances are different and never judge a man till you've walked a mile in his moccasins...
(Then you'll be a mile away, and have his moccasins!)
Hehe... love it! :D
It's worth noting, however, that stress is officially the biggest killer in modern society..... And here in the UK, we work stupidly long hours - far more than in most of Europe.
Marco.
Dunno about 'coming back'. I've got no intention of going..............
Thats the spirit! :)
As a 21 year old in a pushing 50 body me neither.
Dunno about 'coming back'. I've got no intention of going..............
The fireworks might get you first! :D;)
Marco.
Thats the spirit! :)
As a 21 year old in a pushing 50 body me neither.
you'll both die and like it!!:lol: I aint going on my todd. On my 3rd bottle of water ;)
walpurgis
03-06-2016, 22:41
The fireworks might get you first! :D;)
Marco.
If there's a 'problem'. I'll be taking a few with me!! :eek: ;)
Hehehe... I could actually *picture* that! :guns: :guns:
:eyebrows:
Marco.
Hehe... love it! :D
It's worth noting, however, that stress is officially the biggest killer in modern society..... And here in the UK, we work stupidly long hours - far more than in most of Europe.
Marco.
I'd agree there. Stress is a big killer, and life destroyer too even if you survive it. It takes its toll silently till things just go ping! I didn't know I was suffering from it but now know I was. can cause many illnesses; some fatal, that are not what you'd expect.
walpurgis
03-06-2016, 22:46
Hehehe... I could actually *picture* that! :guns: :guns:
:eyebrows:
Marco.
If only you knew. :wowzer:
If there's a 'problem'. I'll be taking a few with me!! :eek: ;)
Used to have a hit list if that happened, but they've all died now ;)
I'd agree there. Stress is a big killer, and life destroyer too even if you survive it. It takes its toll silently till things just go ping! I didn't know I was suffering from it but now know I was. can cause many illnesses; some fatal, that are not what you'd expect.
Indeed, which is precisely why I eradicate it, as far as possible. The majority of people today, however, in that respect, still have to 'wake up and smell the coffee', hopefully before it's not too late....
They've got the right idea in France, Italy and Spain. Start work at 7am, finish for lunch at 12noon, which lasts for at least an hour, sometimes two, nice and relaxed. Then it's 'siesta time' until 3pm. Start work then again until 6pm, then call it a day... And they still get plenty done, and have the rest of the evening to spend with their families! :)
That's what you call working to live, rather than living to work...
Marco.
I dont know how its done in other countries but commuting seems to me to be the biggest problem now. Folk travel so far each day to add to it all, and can be up b4 6 and not home til 8 each day... 14 hrs and much of it wasted just because companies HAVE to be in a city. Nowadays I dont really see a good reason for much of it.
I dont know how its done in other countries but commuting seems to me to be the biggest problem now. Folk travel so far each day to add to it all, and can be up b4 6 and not home til 8 each day... 14 hrs and much of it wasted just because companies HAVE to be in a city. Nowadays I dont really see a good reason for much of it.
Or, they *have* to work in a city (often London), in order to pay for a large house in the suburbs, and all the 'accoutrements' that they enjoy and consider as 'necessities', and as such have to commute into the city daily, which could mean a journey of many miles, thus making the working day excessively long...
Now, if instead they 'downgraded' to a smaller house, or perhaps one in a less 'affluent' area, cut back on a few superficial fripperies, sorry 'necessities', and thus reduced their outgoings, then they might be able to work nearer to where they lived (as they wouldn't need to earn city, read as London, wages), and start work and get home at a reasonable hour, thus reducing their stress levels considerably! ;)
It's all to do with the choices you make in life, or perhaps are forced to make.....
Marco.
Someone I know wrote the following on another forum, whilst addressing one of the members there:
I think that comment is spot on (certainly when comparing the busyness/hustle and bustle I witness when 'down south', to here in Wrexham), and indeed can see plenty of evidence of the above (the latter bit) on many forums.
Question is: can you see any of it in YOUR life, and if so, are you happy about that, or would you like to change that aspect of it, if you could for the better, and if so, how would you go about doing it?
Thank goodness we too are WELL AWAY from the rat race that often is living in London and the south of the UK. In that respect, we're grateful to live in a tranquil suburb of Wrexham, in North Wales - well away from the false and rather soulless existence described above.
I simply couldn't stand living amongst what the chap describes, nor do Del or I have any interest in the mindless nonsense of 'keeping up with the Joneses'.
Trouble is, forums and 'real life' are full of folk who do, most likely due to having a demanding social-climbing other half, who possesses that type of selfish mentality and materialistic obsession with 'bettering' himself or herself ;)
My view? It's all rather sad. If you see any evidence of that in your life, get out now and do something about it, while or if you still can...!!
Your thoughts please, gentlemen, particularly on what your definition is of "successful"? :)
Marco.
I think that is a stereotypical load of BS comment.
Which, the comments I quoted or what was written after it?
Marco.
Lol.. Thanks! :lol:
The main purpose of the thread was to see that, if you lived in the south, you could RECOGNISE what was described in the opening post of the thread in *your* life. Essentially, if YOU could identify with it. If not (as is the case with others and you here), cool, move along - nothing more to see.... ;)
You made some great points in your earlier post, which I'll get to shortly! :)
Marco.
It doesn't matter where you live in the country, if you have the desire and drive to work and to be successful the demands are the fecking same
Sorry, Neal, I disagree, and have outlined my reasons for such.
Commuting into cities, often spending hours every day doing that back and forth, in order to pay for 'affluent lifestyles' elsewhere, being one of them. I've been successful, but have never chosen, or needed to do that, precisely because, in that respect, 'up North', away from London, life is different.
The fact is, in general, it costs more money to live in the south of the UK, therefore that money has to come from somewhere, hence the demands placed to earn it are greater.
Marco.
The OP just seems to be a trite oversimplificaton. Note the use of "everyone": So he knows a few million people well enough to pass judgement on them all? Also the word "here". Does that mean the whole south east is like the segments of a giant orange? One is much the same as the other? Sometimes you can walk two streets and go from affluence to poverty. I'm sure quite a few people who struggle to get by would take issue with the statement. Sorry but it's meaningless, intellectually lazy bollocks AFAIC.
^^^^^ this except that I'd question it being intellectual
Sorry, Neal, I disagree, and have outlined my reasons for such.
Commuting into cities, often spending hours every day doing that back and forth, in order to pay for 'affluent lifestyles' elsewhere, being one of them. I've been successful, but have never chosen, or needed to do that, precisely because, in that respect, 'up North', away from London, life is different.
Marco.
Stereo typical BS again, 'affluent life styles' WTF! Do you think everyone in the south of the U.K. has an affluent life style that they have to commute each day into Lonon or any other city to pay for it! Have you ever been to the poorest of boroughs in London? FFS.....
No, but the cost of living (and particularly houses) is much higher in the south, particularly near London, than in most other parts of the country, even in 'poor areas'. *That* is what makes the big difference, mate!
For example, Geoff was telling me that it costs him nearly three times as much to insure his little 'runaround car' (I forget the make now) in Southall, London, an area which I'm led to believe is far from salubrious, than it does for me to insure my 3.5L Brabus Mercedes here in Wrexham :eek: That's mental!
Anyway, time for bo-bos. We'll continue this later :goodnight:
Marco.
Ninanina
04-06-2016, 00:15
I have absolutely no intention of "keeping up with the Joneses"... whoever they are... :D
I have nothing to prove to anyone..
In my early years I did commute to London a couple of times a week, sometimes taking the tube and sometimes driving in, and it was ok but I was young then. I have no interest in ever entering London again unless Tony Joe White is playing there and then I make an exception..;)
Portsmouth is pretty busy. In fact Porstmouth is the most densely populated city in the UK, measured in people per square miles, at 15,336 with London at 13,870, but Portsmouth is nowhere near the frantic pace of London and you can always find a nice space on the beach to fish and be 'alone'
I did own a house in France for a while and everywhere I visited within about 50 miles of Saint-Jacques-de-Néhou (the nearest town to the house) the roads and towns were pretty much deserted....I loved it while it lasted and just wish the UK was the same but unfortunately we are just full to bursting... however I am still proud to be British....:D
Portsmouth, being in the 'South' is actually quite a cheap place to buy a house and live... that's why I am here... well actually I am here because of boats and the sea but you know what I mean :)
+1 and bang on Rich. Jules68, Phonomac and Stanley B are people i've met here. They've either been to mine or I've been to there's. They have gone out of there way for me and although we are different, it's love and respect - That's what I love about this place :exactly:
The list of good eggs I've met on here is big now thanks to NEBO and gig/festival meetups.
I feel that I am "successful".
The job I do, I enjoy. I have over 9 weeks holiday a year, I have a happy and healthy family to share it with.
We have a roof over our heads and don't struggle to put food on the table.
I still have a mortgage, but I can live with that as it is easily manageable.
There are people with more money than me, and more successful, but my level of stress is pretty low.
It takes my 30 minutes to get in and out of work. There is a bit of traffic, but nothing crazy. I go in early (07:00) and finish early (16:15) and spend some quality time with my daughter.
The best thing I ever did was move to France. The quality of my lifestyle has increased dramatically.
We have friendly neighbours, plenty of space to not feel crowded and the capacity to have friends and family to stay for extended visits. I have no intention of moving back to the UK.
Haselsh1
04-06-2016, 07:57
I love London in very small doses but of course it is not just about London. Wiltshire and the west country is just about the only part of England I feel truly at home and really relaxed and that is certainly south of where I have made my home. I chose to set up my life where my life started, close to the Humber estuary and salt marshes, the place I love to spend my summer days walking around taking photographs. If people down south and in London feel that incredible pressure then that is largely a lifestyle choice. The option to get out and start again is always with us, we just have to be strong enough to make it happen and to stop blaming others and cease making excuses.
Haselsh1
04-06-2016, 08:01
Yeah, with regard to Hi-Fi, I do feel a certain pressure to keep up or even outpace the Joneses but I have recently made a decision, with the help of my partner Sue, to let go of this pressure and do exactly what I want and not what others think will suit me. No disrespect to those fantastic people that have offered advice but this is my future and my life and therefore, right or wrong, it is for me to live. Why spend £5k when you can spend £1,500 and make a massive difference.
Do you know that for a FACT though, or is it simply an image that they convincingly portray?
I know quite a few folk, especially ones I used to work with, who said that they were happy, simply to save face, when deep down they were quite the opposite. Let's face it, few of us would willingly admit to being unhappy.
Given that nobody can read minds, or get inside someone else's head, we have to take what people say at face value. Some people are 'happy' climbing mountains, or running marathons; I would never want to do either, but I don't doubt that some people genuinely enjoy doing these things. Other people are perfectionists, and are 'unhappy' if, say, a picture isn't hung straight, something I probably wouldn't notice, and wouldn't care about if I did. I am 'happy' in a library researching obscure facts about dead authors, which would be others' idea of Hell.
Of course some people say they're happy when they really aren't; they may be aware of this and lying, or they may not realise how much happier they could be. But there's no way a third party can judge that.
Ali Tait
04-06-2016, 08:14
Thanks for all the good wishes folks, much appreciated.
Given that nobody can read minds, or get inside someone else's head, we have to take what people say at face value. .
You'd make a terrible poker player ;)
I have absolutely no intention of "keeping up with the Joneses"... whoever they are... :D
I have nothing to prove to anyone..
In my early years I did commute to London a couple of times a week, sometimes taking the tube and sometimes driving in, and it was ok but I was young then. I have no interest in ever entering London again unless Tony Joe White is playing there and then I make an exception..;)
Portsmouth is pretty busy. In fact Porstmouth is the most densely populated city in the UK, measured in people per square miles, at 15,336 with London at 13,870, but Portsmouth is nowhere near the frantic pace of London and you can always find a nice space on the beach to fish and be 'alone'
I did own a house in France for a while and everywhere I visited within about 50 miles of Saint-Jacques-de-Néhou (the nearest town to the house) the roads and towns were pretty much deserted....I loved it while it lasted and just wish the UK was the same but unfortunately we are just full to bursting... however I am still proud to be British....:D
Portsmouth, being in the 'South' is actually quite a cheap place to buy a house and live... that's why I am here... well actually I am here because of boats and the sea but you know what I mean :)
Southsea seafront is a very pleasant place for a walk. We can thank the Royal Navy for the preservation of Southsea Common - they wouldn't allow any house/commercial building as the common open space was considered part of the sea defences for Portsmouth Harbour. Today it makes Southsea unlike most other coastal resorts along the south coast where developers of old had no such building restrictions imposed.
Given that nobody can read minds, or get inside someone else's head, we have to take what people say at face value. Some people are 'happy' climbing mountains, or running marathons; I would never want to do either, but I don't doubt that some people genuinely enjoy doing these things. Other people are perfectionists, and are 'unhappy' if, say, a picture isn't hung straight, something I probably wouldn't notice, and wouldn't care about if I did. I am 'happy' in a library researching obscure facts about dead authors, which would be others' idea of Hell.
Of course some people say they're happy when they really aren't; they may be aware of this and lying, or they may not realise how much happier they could be. But there's no way a third party can judge that.
Oh absolutely. I just wondered if Martin had a good handle on whether he thought said people he knew were genuinely happy. Some people will kid on they're happy, just as some will kid on they're wealthy.
Yes, it's a guess, but often an educated one. If you work with them every day, talk to them and watch how they behave, you can get a pretty good idea on whether folk are happy or not.
Marco.
If people down south and in London feel that incredible pressure then that is largely a lifestyle choice. The option to get out and start again is always with us, we just have to be strong enough to make it happen and to stop blaming others and cease making excuses.
Hear, hear! :thumbsup:
Marco.
. If you work with them every day, talk to them and watch how they behave, you can get a pretty good idea on whether folk are happy or not.
Marco.
Exactly. No-one is happy all the time, but becoming unhappy over a transient event and being generally happy as an underlying feeling are two different things. I doubt everything in their lives is perfect but that is true for no-one.
I've worked with people who hated their jobs and were trapped in them due to mortgage and family. But even they were not unhappy in any fundamental way. They had the positives in their lives and they were making that sacrifice to keep those positives.
And that's absolutely fine. You get my point, though? The propensity exists these days for folk to want 'stuff' they simply don't need - and worse, feel a 'failure' if they haven't provided it for their families, or if a neighbour superficially has 'more' than they have.... Learn not to give a damn! Folk worry WAY too much about what others think.
Keep it simple, live within your means and be less focused on the importance of material possessions, is what I'm saying, and I'm pretty sure that if people thought about that and did it, most would be happier afterwards, especially if it resulted in having more TIME to be together as families :)
Marco.
And that's absolutely fine. You get my point, though? The propensity exists these days for folk to want 'stuff' they simply don't need - and worse, feel a 'failure' if they haven't provided it for their families, or if a neighbour superficially has 'more' than they have.... Learn not to give a damn!
Marco.
I'm sure people like that exist but I don't know anyone who has ruined their lives because of trying to 'keep up with the joneses'. I've known people who got into debt and had to declare bankruptcy because they were young and silly and got hold of a credit card or two, but not the same thing in my mind. And they are back on their feet now, no lives were lost.
Does anyone know anyone who fits Marco's stereotype? Would be interesting.
Exactly. No-one is happy all the time, but becoming unhappy over a transient event and being generally happy as an underlying feeling are two different things. I doubt everything in their lives is perfect but that is true for no-one.
I've worked with people who hated their jobs and were trapped in them due to mortgage and family. But even they were not unhappy in any fundamental way. They had the positives in their lives and they were making that sacrifice to keep those positives.
Deffo Martin... Many folk have or have had jobs they did that they diliked much about. They do it because they often have to, to make enough to pay bills, feed family and hopefully buy some little luxuries for either themselves or their family. Doesnt mean its keeping up with jones or smith. Again, others enjoy mundain jobs. Others as said love sailing or climbing or jumping off cliffs :doh: Ive even heard of folk running for fun ;)
Its not always easy to just up sticks and move. If you dont have enough wonga, then its very difficult, so you make the best of it where you are. Personally i dont really think thats wrong, nor do i care if someone wants to outshine someone else in the fancier house, or car stakes. Hell its their life:)
. Others as said love sailing or climbing or jumping off cliffs :doh: Ive even heard of folk running for fun ;)
:)
People who run are the happiest. They are so happy they have to get rid of some of it by doing one of the most miserable forms of exercise ever ;)
I'm sure people like that exist but I don't know anyone who has ruined their lives because of trying to 'keep up with the joneses'. I've known people who got into debt and had to declare bankruptcy because they were young and silly and got hold of a credit card or two, but not the same thing in my mind. And they are back on their feet now, no lives were lost.
I think you'll find that if you did some research, statistically those I'm referring to number many, many thousands! Much like food banks, just because you don't know of any doesn't mean they don't exist ;)
Does anyone know anyone who fits Marco's stereotype? Would be interesting.
First of all, it's not MY stereotype; it's that of the original author. I was merely agreeing with some of his points, based on my personal experience. Secondly, look to the type of folk (idiots) Jon used to sell cars to, or that Jo described in her village, for ample evidence of the folk I'm referring to.
See 'Aston boy' here, for example:
Never tried to keep up with the jones's myself. There are plenty in our village who do become a cropper with it.
One of a few examples, this guy (very obnoxious) overstretched himself by buying a new Aston to then eat nothing but beans for ever more, seriously... but he's got an Aston (like his mate)... his wife has left him, he had to sell the house but he cruses around the village thinking he's king of em all... a very sad existence. He then gets people to buy him drinks in the pub and complains about the service charges at Aston... ffs. lol...bonkers. :mental:
Utter lunacy, but that sort of behaviour is not so uncommon. The question is: what drives/creates that mentality?
The fact that few us here can relate to the above, or situations the author and I have described, is testament to the fact that we're all well-adjusted, reasonably contented and successful people, oh and also nice guys too, as Rich and Rob mentioned earlier, which is what makes AoS the special and friendly place that it is.
Time for a.... :grouphug:
Marco.
Arfffff.....http://www.knowhere.co.uk/Wrexham/Wrexham/Wales/info/worstthings
Ha -yes I've seen that before. Hilarious!! :lol:
I've just shown it to Del, and she nearly pished her knickers!! :D
Marco.
Hi Jon,
Hahaha - from a fellow salesman, you're a man after my own heart! I'd have milked it big-time, and their wallets, until they squeaked (whilst ripping the pish out of them behind the scenes)! :lol:
Marco.
I did, trust me on that (apart from ripping the pish) The commissions back in the day were ridiculous, 15% of the profit (some of the AMG's had up to 10K profit) + 25% of the finance profit and as i've said previously most were on finance. That's an insane amount of money for selling one car.
I didn't feel bad about it at the time, but do now. I really wanted to say to some customers "can you really afford this?" but you can imagine the response if i did.
Slightly off topic, but one day i gave a lift home to a customer who's car was in for service and we got chatting about car sales and she asked how much it paid, I made the mistake of telling her and she went bat shit crazy and i mean totally off her head. Turned out she was a school teacher and had trained for years just to earn a third of what i did. That was the most unpleasant car journey I've ever had.
The ones I have the biggest problem with, however, are the snide, resentful/jealous bastards, who can't abide others being more 'successful' or contented than they are. You know the type: those whose first reaction is thinking 'bastard'
Marco.
Yes, plenty of them around as well.
For example i wear a Omega Speedmaster to work (I’m a vehicle technician or in old money a grease monkey) and the watch is trashed and i mean really bashed up. I wear it not to show off or show any kind of wealth, i just like it because its comfortable and reliable, but…
the grief I’ve had over the years is unbelievable! The deep rooted hatred some people have just because i dare to wear a nice watch to work is mind boggling and quite sad.
There is a sort of northern thing about 'flash bastards', not so much the wealth they resent but the flaunting of it.
Not that I'm suggesting your wearing an old Omega is flaunting it. Flashing wads of cash around and gobbing off about how loaded you are. That sort of thing. Seems more acceptable in the South East/London way, certain parts anyway.
There is a sort of northern thing about 'flash bastards', not so much the wealth they resent but the flaunting of it.
Not that I'm suggesting your wearing an old Omega is flaunting it. Flashing wads of cash around and gobbing off about how loaded you are. That sort of thing. Seems more acceptable in the South East/London way, certain parts anyway.
You've been watching too many Harry Enfield repeats
ULeDlxa3gyc
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SgUYUOGvVZM
I'm sure people like that exist but I don't know anyone who has ruined their lives because of trying to 'keep up with the joneses'. I've known people who got into debt and had to declare bankruptcy because they were young and silly and got hold of a credit card or two, but not the same thing in my mind. And they are back on their feet now, no lives were lost.
Does anyone know anyone who fits Marco's stereotype? Would be interesting.
I don't. I know people who've got into financial difficulties, often through marriage/relationship breakdowns, but their struggle post-break up was to put food on the table rather than deciding whether to buy an Audi or a Merc. I can't recall ever knowing anyone who wanted to 'keep up with the Joneses' and got into difficulties as a result, but maybe I only know (relatively) poor people.
Kjow plenty folk who have got into difficulties. Both myself and my mate both through family illness and ultimate deaths. Folk sometimes have to do what they have to. Buying a holiday home when you cant afford it is stupid though and you kinda deserve the shit that follows. Joe did things right way in relying on only one wage... That planning stands you in good stead for life...its to be lauded
I've seen plenty of people get into a financial mess in the modded/track car scene by chasing their dreams to have the most power or "latest" mods. Personally i "spunked" 30K + into mine, but i could at the time afford it. Others couldn't and as a result have been declared bankrupt and lost pretty much everything.
Did it ruin their lives, i don't think so as these guys are still around and working, albeit with less financial freedom than before.
I've seen plenty of people get into a financial mess in the modded/track car scene by chasing their dreams to have the most power or "latest" mods. Personally i "spunked" 30K + into mine.
Ha! That's more than I've spent on cars, ever.
I'm sure, and you're not alone in that.
But, in the pursuit of me becoming a race car legend ( I was hopeless) I've met some life long friends who's company I value more than any amount of money on earth. So for me it was money very very well spent :D
Kudos.
Too much schadenfreude in this thread, albeit masked.
I did, trust me on that (apart from ripping the pish) The commissions back in the day were ridiculous, 15% of the profit (some of the AMG's had up to 10K profit) + 25% of the finance profit and as i've said previously most were on finance. That's an insane amount of money for selling one car.
I didn't feel bad about it at the time, but do now. I really wanted to say to some customers "can you really afford this?" but you can imagine the response if i did.
Slightly off topic, but one day i gave a lift home to a customer who's car was in for service and we got chatting about car sales and she asked how much it paid, I made the mistake of telling her and she went bat shit crazy and i mean totally off her head. Turned out she was a school teacher and had trained for years just to earn a third of what i did. That was the most unpleasant car journey I've ever had.
Yes, plenty of them around as well.
For example i wear a Omega Speedmaster to work (I’m a vehicle technician or in old money a grease monkey) and the watch is trashed and i mean really bashed up. I wear it not to show off or show any kind of wealth, i just like it because its comfortable and reliable, but…
the grief I’ve had over the years is unbelievable! The deep rooted hatred some people have just because i dare to wear a nice watch to work is mind boggling and quite sad.
Kudos.
Too much schadenfreude in this thread, albeit masked.
Jezz those Germans have a word for everything ;)
Jezz those Germans have a word for everything ;)
Heh.
My favourite is Ausfahrt.
Marco.
Too much schadenfreude in this thread, albeit masked.
I had to google that, but yes. Absolutely on the money.
parp...
Haben eine gute Fahrt!
:hotrod:
<chuff> <phut>
Marco.
I had to google that...
So did he! :lol:
Marco.
He didn't...Hows THAT for being Elitist! :)
Yesh, daftee, but did you know how to shpell it without looking it up firsht? :eyebrows:
Marco.
Yes, indeed I did.
Doesn't make me a bad pershon right enough... :)
Yes, indeed I did.
Doesn't make me a bad pershon right enough... :)
what did you do in the war? :D
what did you do in the war? :D
Climbed "The Hill" :)
Only thing good about living doon south is the amount your house increases every month.
Gives you the ammo to escape one day......just choose the right one.
Off to mid Wales or Caithness with all your ill gotten gains.
Only thing good about living doon south is the amount your house increases every month.
This time next year I'll be a millionaire (Rodney)
God point Mossy. I have a cousin in London, if she sold her house there she could by ten identical houses in the street near me for the same money. It's cuckoo-crazy when you think about it.
I could probably buy an entire village in the north east if I were to sell my house.
The price of housing (virtually anywhere) is ridiculous. I feel for young people just starting out. With even a 95% mortgage, how are they going to raise a deposit? It's madness - sheer madness. :steam:
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