self analysis. [Archive] - The Art of Sound Forum

Floyddroid

23-01-2016, 10:33

Painful morning so far. I have been conducting some self analysis and personal reflection. I am starting to see with some people's help what some people may despise about me. I have been attempting to see things from others point of view and not liking what I see. However, it is easy for others to judge when they are not in possession of all the facts or privy to just what has happened to make people do and act the way they do. To my deserters I say this, "what has happened in the past has happened and I respect both your treatment of me and judgement however you have come to your conclusions. To my supporters and true friends whom I owe a tremendous debt of gratitude, thank you for having the civility of accepting me for who I am. To those who have grown to dislike me so intensely I can only say this, it makes me sad though there is little I can do to make you feel otherwise. I have learned that sometimes it is as simple as either liking somone or not. Now that i have purged my demons I feel in a better place to move on. Just needed to get that off my chest. Onwards.......:)

Barry

23-01-2016, 10:43

What has brought on this bout of navel-gazing and introspection Steve? What I know of you through your involvement in AoS, I can see no reason why you have rubbed some up the wrong way. Was it on another forum?

Whatever, you have found peace of mind and seem to be in a better place, so good luck to you now and in the future.

Barry

struth

23-01-2016, 10:48

I wouldnt over think this Steve. We as people may make the odd error of judgement from time to time but decent folk shine through that. You may well find your detractors are the folk who need to do the thinking.....not that they will, and that is the difference between your good self and them

walpurgis

23-01-2016, 11:28

Best not to ponder on other people's perception of you. Just be relaxed, reasonably polite and straightforward about dealings with others. Then, if anything goes amiss, it's likely to be an inappropriate response from the other party and not your fault. You can't please everybody, so don't worry about it (I don't :)).

I certainly have no problem with you or your postings Steve.

rdpx

23-01-2016, 11:52

I have long found this aphorism helpful:

"The man who considers a thing more deeply comes to realise that, whatever his actions or judgements may be, he is always wrong."

Nietschze

:)

Joe

23-01-2016, 14:07

I'm not sure it's possible to really see yourself as others see you; you'd have to look at yourself from the outside. But it is worth remembering that all that people can 'know' about you is what you say and do; they don't have access to your feelings or thought-processes, so it's best to be as clear as possible in your words and actions so as not to give out mixed messages.

Puffin

23-01-2016, 14:24

I find that it is the way others conduct themselves towards me that determines which version of me they get. I start from the point of being pleasant, positive and friendly. If this is not reciprocated or someone has formed a view of me based on nothing more than a first meeting (looks?) then I temper my behaviour accordingly. I do not go out of my way to curry favour or impress someone that is not able to take me for what I am or what I appear to be.

Floyddroid

23-01-2016, 15:47

Hi Barry

Great to have you back.

No, nowt to do with any forums or connections to people presently in my life. I have been examining historical events from some seven years ago now from which people whom i had known for many years changed their behaviour towards me. It deeply hurt me which is why i decided to look at things from their perspective which has been very helpful. I can now see why they dislike me so much. The realisation that there is nothing at all i can do about it has been sobering. I gave the most important of my friends at the time numerous opportunities to tell me what the problems were and why he chose to behave the way he did towards me but he declined, which is in my opinion more cruel than the risk of upsetting me. I have had a tough couple of years personally but this mornings exorcism has been a cleansing of my mind. I am very lucky to have three great kids and some excellent friends who deserve more of my positive energy, love and time than the negative energy that has been sapping my spirit for far too long and spent worrying. This morning i let go of the past and started dealing with the here and now. Thanks for all the comments made here, all of them helpful. The person i have mainly been thinking about post here and should he read this i just want him to know that no matter what he may think of me or what ever happened to change things i care only to remember the times we laughed and great times we shared and not how things have been like these past few years. To quote Sting, "if You Love Someone Set Them Free". The naval gazing has worked Barry because i am no longer sad about it.
What has brought on this bout of navel-gazing and introspection Steve? What I know of you through your involvement in AoS, I can see no reason why you have rubbed some up the wrong way. Was it on another forum?

Whatever, you have found peace of mind and seem to be in a better place, so good luck to you now and in the future.

Barry

Marco

23-01-2016, 16:18

Hi Steve,

Is this to do with Alf (Talisman)? I know that situation upset you a lot. Periodically, it doesn't hurt to engage in some introspection. I wish you forthcoming peace and happiness, my friend :)

Marco.

Floyddroid

23-01-2016, 16:32

Cheers Marco

Yes indeed it is. He is a nice bloke and i have been sad for far too long about the whole situation. I wish him nothing but good health and happiness. However, it is now time to stop being a drama queen and move on. I put all this to bed in my head and heart this morning. The suit of skin i have is the one i have to wear and the one that most people i know today see me in. I am thankful for that.

Hi Steve,

Is this to do with Alf (Talisman)? I know that situation upset you a lot. Periodically, it doesn't hurt to engage in some introspection. I wish you forthcoming peace and happiness, my friend :)

Marco.

Haselsh1

23-01-2016, 17:12

Beg pardon Steve, nothing you have done or said has affected me in a negative way, nor would I let it. Carry on carrying on old chap.

walpurgis

23-01-2016, 17:43

goraman

27-01-2016, 21:53

I once told my Dad "everyone hates me"
His response" that can't be true, not everyone in the world has met you yet,there are still five billion at least that haven't met you yet, at least give them a shot at hating you too before mouthing off"
Now go way , I hate you."

struth

27-01-2016, 21:55

Marco

27-01-2016, 23:33

Ha - now that is funny! :eyebrows:

Btw, Steve, in reference to what kicked all this off, and in particular what people think of you, who only know you from what you've written on forums...

Do bear in mind that unfortunately the Internet has given a voice to the nasty and disgruntled malcontents of this world, and those with (often unjustified) chips on their shoulders, who in many cases are grossly unhappy with their 'lot', and so HATE seeing others who are happy with theirs, enjoying themselves and expressing contentment, where at one time these pathetic excuses for human beings wouldn't have had access to such a vehicle, in order to carry out their sad little hate campaigns.

So to the risible and insignificant little coterie of bile-filled morons and inadequates, represented by your detractors, who seek to drag you down to their suicide-depressing level, I would offer a much deserved 'two-fingered salute', thus:

:upyours: :upyours: :upyours:

...and console yourself in the knowledge that you'll always be a better man than them, with a rather happier and more fulfilled existence!!

Marco.

Old George

28-01-2016, 11:54

To the OP, what counts in life first and foremost is the quality of the relationship between you and your family, got a good relationship? Then great, that's half the battle.
Next are your friends. You don't need an army of so-called 'friends', just a small number of people you know you can trust and rely on.
At the risk of stating the obvious, you have friends because they take you for the person you are, so don't worry.

Marco has made a good point in the above post, the internet is full of trolls, and this is the only voice they have. Out in the real world these misfits, fantasist's, and oddballs are generally ignored.
My philosophy (and this might be an age thing) is, you don't like me? Then 'f**k you'. I'm not going to lose any sleep.
I sleep secure in the knowledge that the people who really count in my life like and love me for the person i am...........Please feel free to adopt my philosophy.

On a footnote, my imaginary friends have stopped talking to me. :scratch:

Marco

28-01-2016, 15:13

Marco has made a good point in the above post, the internet is full of trolls, and this is the only voice they have. Out in the real world these misfits, fantasist's, and oddballs are generally ignored.
My philosophy (and this might be an age thing) is, you don't like me? Then 'f**k you'. I'm not going to lose any sleep.

Spot on - and that's *precisely* mine, too... Life's too short to be dragged down by miserable misfits and inadequates, with so much hate in their hearts. Let them stew in their own juice!

Marco.

Audio Advent

28-01-2016, 15:52

Unless of course it was your mindset that chose to see another's helpful criticism as an insult and threat or perhaps you're unable to see hurt you've caused which makes people angry with you, perhaps out of a self-confidence self defence mechanism one's learned over the decades... I'm sure there are many truely nasty people, criminals who will equally say " you don't like me? Then 'f**k you'. I'm not going to lose any sleep." and so continues their distruction of the world around them.

It's not a great attitude in my opinion, it's really a cop-out because changing yourself can be hard for some. That's why some self-analysis is important. But it's a fact that for some reason I find hard to comprehend, some people do genuinly lack self awareness. I'm the opposite and have too much, not that it stops me making mistakes but I can always see how something might have been differently interpretted by others and worry about it and find out later that it wasn't..

This is all a general point! I have no clue about what the thread is actually about so this is definately no criticism of any real person I could point to.

struth

28-01-2016, 15:58

Im too old to worry too much but it is disheartening when folk are selfish and are happy to cause others grief in their persuits of kicks or amassing their wedge ... Personally i would rather keep my little and my morality intact

Marco

28-01-2016, 16:30

Unless of course it was your mindset that chose to see another's helpful criticism as an insult and threat.

Sam, while you make some good points, as usual, trust me if you knew what this thread (and the other one like it here that Steve posted) was referring to, there is nothing "helpful" about it.

Marco.

jandl100

28-01-2016, 17:07

Audio Advent

28-01-2016, 17:18

Sam, while you make some good points, as usual, trust me if you knew what this thread (and the other one like it here that Steve posted) was referring to, there is nothing "helpful" about it.

Marco.

Sorry, I should have added in a quote - I was directly responding to your post and the one above yours, continuing the thread drift, nothing to do with the opening post and hence I said so with my final line.

Sticking two fingers up to the world and refusing to change is an attitude I think it unhelpful to society as a whole and will probably mean that you don't change things about oneself which genuinely do need changing.. before you know it that attitude gains you a load of unneccesary conflict for which I think life is too short for.

Obviously that doesn't apply to the opening post as he has said he is self-analysing (the opposite of what you were saying) and looking to change if he did indeed find something to change.

Audio Advent

28-01-2016, 17:26

It sounds different in Steve's case (the background to which I know nothing), but I feel that a person is, in part, defined by both the nature of the people they get on with as well as by the nature of those they don't get on with.

In terms of forum relationships I have to say that I am entirely comfortable with my friends and regard the enmity of those I don't get on with as a personal compliment as I don't think they are pleasant people!

[For the avoidance of doubt, I can't think of any AOS regulars who fall into the 2nd category. :)]

I hope this doesn't get taken the wrong way, as in it making me out to be cold or something (it feels to me to be the complete opposite) but I don't seem to have an ability to connect with people via words and text on a screen, not emotionally.

I only respond to face to face meetings, their body language, facial expressions and that sense of genuineness, openness one can only pick up in person.

Hence it would only be meeting in person which would then lead to a friendship, the forum part would be completely inconsequencial. I guess that also would leave me immune somewhat to negative "relationships" on a forum too.

And so , one could perhaps theorise from that that many people's behaviour on forums only happens precisely because of the same disconnection with the real human behind the words.

jandl100

29-01-2016, 00:09

^^ Maybe I'm unusual, but I regard online forums as as valid and genuine an interpersonal relationship as any other.
It may well explain why I have trouble getting on with some people who don't seem to share this view and who don't regard other posters as real people to be respected and treated decently.

I do have a bit of an 'edge' on occasion in my online postings - not that I am proud of this, but I feel that this is almost always in response to what I regard as inappropriate behaviour by others.

Btw - best of luck to you Steve. Sounds like you had a very bad time - I hope it's now in the past and you can move on.

walpurgis

29-01-2016, 00:18

I regard online forums as as valid and genuine an interpersonal relationship as any other.

I think you are absolutely right.

RichB

29-01-2016, 00:18

Dinnae fret Steve, if you're in my round at the bar on Saturday nt then you're alreet by me.

R

Floyddroid

29-01-2016, 23:40

I seem to have opened a can of worms which maybe i should not have. Thank you for the words of support, some i was humbled by and some which i was a little confused by. In hindsight (which is a wonderful thing) i should not have posted such personal feelings. Things certainly seemed to have turned to shit lately and it's up to me to grow a set and pull myself out of the nose dive i have put myself in. It has been hard accepting some things lately but when i have i will stop feeling sorry for myself and move on. Myself and John Daniels will get through it together methinks.

Floyddroid

29-01-2016, 23:41

Very kind Rich. Looking forwards to the gig too.

Mr Kipling

30-01-2016, 03:17

Can I say a few words, Steve?

One of the good things about getting old, I've found, is it gets easier to accept yourself for who and what you are, and you stop beating yourself about the head for your personal failings. You also accept that others are who and what they are - despite wishing and wanting them to be something else.

Forums.
You did state that your cogitations had nothing to do with forums and personalities, which seems to have bypassed some.

Do you remember when you left here a while ago? I thought you were wrong to do so and missed your particular style of postings. You had your own reasons and no-one is being forced to post. I also think you were wrong to leave The Other Forum, which pathetically can't be mentioned, as I thought something really positive could result. But again you had your own reasons. Perhaps being a bit more thick-skinned and less sensitive might have helped.

Andre
I can't speak for him, and as such it is just an observation, but I don't see him ever posting here again. I know he's gone walkabout in the past and returned, but I can't see that happening this time. And why? Well for that go back to Christmas and read the Christmas Dinner thread here and also the "people who live in cuckoo land" thread over at TAS should give some insight. As to why the comments were made - you'd have to ask both parties involved. I can't help thinking, however, that a big man (in the truest sense) might have let it go, or just commented with a line or two. But… that wasn't to be and a lengthy critique was in order.

And finally. You might think AOS as being some haven of cordiality and conviviality - but not everything in the AOS garden is as rosey as you might think. Otherwise, why would people leave? You might like to pop back over to TAS and look in the "General Hi-Fi" section and read the thread "General Wibble Removed From Other Threads).

jandl100

30-01-2016, 07:10

Wherever people interact there will be conflict of personality and agenda. It's part of being human.
Forums are no different. They are just another place where social interaction takes place.
But unlike some social arenas, forums are an easy choice to make. You don't have to view or post in any particular one. Unless you have an evangelical agenda (some folks do!) then why not choose the one(s) most sympathetic to your own world view, like Andre has appeared to do, and most other folks I am sure.
__________

No one is perfect, and demanding it of yourself is unreasonable and unrealistic - but some periods if introspection and self analysis would benefit most of us, I think.

Floyddroid

30-01-2016, 08:37

Wise words Jerry and i thank you for them. However, my want to abstain from becoming involved in peoples personal crusades or conflicts drives me to consolidate how many forums i am a member of and why. I have only looked at the TAS forum twice and feel there isn't a need for me to become a member of it. Personal conflict between forum owners dictate we are not allowed to mention the other forum which is a shame because i did enjoy my time there though the obsession with the name calling and vitriolic comments became so wearing i simply felt that i had nothing to contribute there. A couple of people made comments there that i was at odds with so it ceased to be fun any more and fun is what it should be, not becoming stressed. My opinions are just that, my opinion. I am not an audio Engineer nor do i have any formal qualifications in Electronics etc. What i do have is an appreciation of basic principles which is why i rarely become involved in threads with deep technical references. Over the last forty years though i have listened to, owned and been involved with a lot of equipment which i enjoy and appreciate on many levels. I believe what you say t be pretty bang on Jerry but whilst i get to grips with pulling myself together and regaining the capacity i once had to deal with the personal issues slowing me down i am content to post here believing it to be the best place for me.

YNWaN

30-01-2016, 10:16

From an observers perspective, this whole thread seems rather like a very personal and private conversation being held oddly in public.

In terms of forum relationships I have to say that I am entirely comfortable with my friends and regard the enmity of those I don't get on with as a personal compliment as I don't think they are pleasant people!

I would echo Jerry's sentiments.