Andrei
05-08-2013, 07:59
There's a great Pet Hate thread on this forum but here are my musical pet hates:
8. Pianissimo
When will conductors / soloists get it that those delicate pianissimo passages are simply not audible from the back - or even the middle - of the hall?
7. Listen to the music
The next Hi-Fi dealer that tells me it is 'the music that counts, not the gear' will be punched in face. I have entered your shop to buy gear, for sucks fake, not to listen to clichés.
6. Prima Donnas
By all means be 'up yourself' but I wish they would not get involved in the recording process. How many times do you buy an LP that is entitled something like Domingo (not Carmen for heaven's sake - what is that?). Your hopes are dashed (but your low expectations are met) when the star is close miked and singlehandedly drowns out a full orchestra.
5. Crap transfers from LP to CD
No wonder there are so many vinyl fans. Even DG is not above making a quick buck from an absolutely pointless re-issue on CD. Do it properly or not at all I say.
4. Vibrato
What gives with this vibrato obsession? Don't they know when they have hit the note? The human voice quavers, and more so under stress or emotion - nice effect in instruments if used sparingly; but it is not a licence for the entire Romantic Repertoire to be compelled to use it. It has even infected the Classical Repertoire. I have even seen a triangle player create this effect by shaking the instrument after it has been struck. Why? Why? Why? Oh and by the way - note to female cellists: Don't do it, just don't.
3. Diana Krall
A talent-free zone if ever there was one. Malcolm Steward calls her piano-tinkling 'sub Liberace' - surely the ne plus ultra (in the sense of the nadir). She has a mellow voice but if only there was some music. With her looks she could have had a great career in any port of the world. But no, her sound has to infest every elevator in Christendom. Stravinsky once said that the only thing worse than unrelenting dissonance is unrelenting consonance. Yup that's our Diana. There is something truly special about her that manages an effect of 'instantaneous boredom'. It is like waiting in a queue at the supermarket. there you are in line, Ok these things one must endure but then you see the woman at the checkout has lost her 50 cent coupon and is going to find it even it involves strip searching the customer in line behind her to see if he nicked it. Despair sets in faster than Krall's backup band cash their paycheques.
2. Live Recordings
Again: what gives? When I see Live Recording on the CD cover of a symphony, interest starts to fade rapidly. Don't these producers know that listeners do not want to hear coughs, sneezes, splutters, creaky chairs, and 'bravo' proclaimed at inopportune moments. All the more frustrating is that lamest of lame 'Live performances have atmosphere'. Bollocks. Of course the performers can put their passion into the music as much if not more than when there is a visible [and distracting] audience. I have never once heard a studio recording and thought: "Gee if only there were a few coughs I am sure this would have sounded more alive". But wait ... there's more. Many a piece ends with sadness or tragedy, the Coriolan Overture for example. Anyone with musical sensibilities will be in a contemplative mood. Then it's as if some demon yells "C'mon guys! lets see who can spoil the atmosphere first with a raucous croak and split-your-neighbour's-ear drum applause."
1. Cadenzas
And taking the wet cake must surely be player-cadenzas. Note to performers: your cadenza is not as good as Beethoven's ... or Tchaikovsky's ... or Mrs Tchaikovsky's. There you are listening to a great Piano Concerto and nek minute there is a grating sound. Note to producers: When I see 'Cadenza by [Soloist]' that is a 100% - not 99% - guarantee that I will not purchase. I buy to listen to their [I]performance, not their music, geddit? This one is really annoying because there are great soloists whose otherwise wonderful interpretations are spoiled or - in my case - fall on deaf ears.
8. Pianissimo
When will conductors / soloists get it that those delicate pianissimo passages are simply not audible from the back - or even the middle - of the hall?
7. Listen to the music
The next Hi-Fi dealer that tells me it is 'the music that counts, not the gear' will be punched in face. I have entered your shop to buy gear, for sucks fake, not to listen to clichés.
6. Prima Donnas
By all means be 'up yourself' but I wish they would not get involved in the recording process. How many times do you buy an LP that is entitled something like Domingo (not Carmen for heaven's sake - what is that?). Your hopes are dashed (but your low expectations are met) when the star is close miked and singlehandedly drowns out a full orchestra.
5. Crap transfers from LP to CD
No wonder there are so many vinyl fans. Even DG is not above making a quick buck from an absolutely pointless re-issue on CD. Do it properly or not at all I say.
4. Vibrato
What gives with this vibrato obsession? Don't they know when they have hit the note? The human voice quavers, and more so under stress or emotion - nice effect in instruments if used sparingly; but it is not a licence for the entire Romantic Repertoire to be compelled to use it. It has even infected the Classical Repertoire. I have even seen a triangle player create this effect by shaking the instrument after it has been struck. Why? Why? Why? Oh and by the way - note to female cellists: Don't do it, just don't.
3. Diana Krall
A talent-free zone if ever there was one. Malcolm Steward calls her piano-tinkling 'sub Liberace' - surely the ne plus ultra (in the sense of the nadir). She has a mellow voice but if only there was some music. With her looks she could have had a great career in any port of the world. But no, her sound has to infest every elevator in Christendom. Stravinsky once said that the only thing worse than unrelenting dissonance is unrelenting consonance. Yup that's our Diana. There is something truly special about her that manages an effect of 'instantaneous boredom'. It is like waiting in a queue at the supermarket. there you are in line, Ok these things one must endure but then you see the woman at the checkout has lost her 50 cent coupon and is going to find it even it involves strip searching the customer in line behind her to see if he nicked it. Despair sets in faster than Krall's backup band cash their paycheques.
2. Live Recordings
Again: what gives? When I see Live Recording on the CD cover of a symphony, interest starts to fade rapidly. Don't these producers know that listeners do not want to hear coughs, sneezes, splutters, creaky chairs, and 'bravo' proclaimed at inopportune moments. All the more frustrating is that lamest of lame 'Live performances have atmosphere'. Bollocks. Of course the performers can put their passion into the music as much if not more than when there is a visible [and distracting] audience. I have never once heard a studio recording and thought: "Gee if only there were a few coughs I am sure this would have sounded more alive". But wait ... there's more. Many a piece ends with sadness or tragedy, the Coriolan Overture for example. Anyone with musical sensibilities will be in a contemplative mood. Then it's as if some demon yells "C'mon guys! lets see who can spoil the atmosphere first with a raucous croak and split-your-neighbour's-ear drum applause."
1. Cadenzas
And taking the wet cake must surely be player-cadenzas. Note to performers: your cadenza is not as good as Beethoven's ... or Tchaikovsky's ... or Mrs Tchaikovsky's. There you are listening to a great Piano Concerto and nek minute there is a grating sound. Note to producers: When I see 'Cadenza by [Soloist]' that is a 100% - not 99% - guarantee that I will not purchase. I buy to listen to their [I]performance, not their music, geddit? This one is really annoying because there are great soloists whose otherwise wonderful interpretations are spoiled or - in my case - fall on deaf ears.