Ebay Advert Translation Service

[The Grand Wazoo]

This could prove to become a vital resource for future Ebay users. Contibutions are gratefully welcomed.

I'll start:

Untested - I have tested it, but it's knackered and won't ever work again. This way, I might get the price of a mint one.

If you're looking at this advert, I don't need to tell you about the item - I'm a lazy bastard and I can't be arsed to type anything at all about the thing I'm trying to sell. But I expect you to pay me more than it's worth.

Condition commensurate with age - It's been really badly abused and one of the many previous owners was a gorilla.

Absolutely mint condition - Looks OK from the angles I've photographed it from, but the rest of it is covered in scratches and there are bits hanging off.

[Audio Al]

" Stunning "

Not sure why I put it in but it my make you buy them

[Macca]

Legendary - it got a couple of good reviews about 35 years ago.

Well looked after - The dog has never pissed on it (to the best of my knowledge) and I have only ever dropped it a couple of times

Sounds fantastic - I have plugged my ipod in and sound came out.

Rare opportunity to aquire - c'mon there has got to be some mug punter out there who will take it off my hands

[walpurgis]

High End. It's right at the top of a pile of crap in my garage!

Vintage. It's old and clapped out!

Classic. As above, but I'll be asking more for it!

Scarce. They were so awful, most ended up in skips!

V.G.C. It hasn't actually broken or fallen apart yet!

Just Serviced. I gave it a wipe and a squirt of switch cleaner!

Monitor Speakers. Dunno what it really means, but everybody else says it!

No Returns. I got stuck with it once, your turn now!

Matching. Well, I think they're both the same make!

Amazing! Amazingly mediocre!

Hardly Used. I haven't really got a clue how old it is!

Needs a Little TLC. Horrifically battered and broken!

[StanleyB]

RARE: generally considered to be crap at the time so few people bothered to waste their time on buying one.
SCARCE: so poorly made that most of them have now been binned.

[walpurgis]

Ha, I was just adding 'scarce' as you did Stan!
Seems we summed it up similary too.

[walpurgis]

Untested - I have tested it, but it's knackered and won't ever work again. This way, I might get the price of a mint one.

I love that one. you just know the buggers have plugged it in and it didn't work!

Have you noticed how many ignorant gits spell "sought after" wrongly as "sort after"?

[aquapiranha]

Never ceases to amaze me how mny crappy amps etc end up on ebay from the likes of technics (I know some were ok, but the ones I used to seel in the lae 80's were mostly shite) appear with comments like 'rare' and 'classic' when they were never either and should be in the skip..

[Macca]

Recently Serviced - someone had the top off of it and poked about a bit inside, not sure what they did - probably nothing.

At a Bargain price! - don't look any further down the listings, there are 2 more for 30% less than I'm asking

£1 start, No Reserve! - but if it doesn't fetch what I want I will come up with some poxy excuse to back out of the sale like I dropped it or the dog ate it...

[prestonchipfryer]

This (insert cartridge of your choice) is in very good condition and although I cannot tell you the exact amount of use it has had, it performs excellent.

[Rare Bird]

I did write a list some time ago about this..

[Macca]

From my smoke, pet and child-free home - I'm a miserable bastard and probably a Jaffa too

[Macca]

Has been in storage for several years - it's been sat in the open on a shelf in my garage for at least a decade, possibly more now I think about it, doesn't time fly? And it is so full of cement dust it now weighs 5 kilos more than it used to hence my exhorbitant postal charges.

[walpurgis]

From my smoke, pet and child-free home - I'm a miserable bastard and probably a Jaffa too

I say old fruit. What's a "jaffa"?

There are probably quite a few gentlemen of 'the other persuasion' using this site (no skin off my nose).

[Effem]

"SOUNDS FANTASTIC" = "I played some Vuvuzela greatest hits through it"

"RARE" = "Not seen one on ebay today"

"YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED" = "Ebay only has my phoney address so no come-backs on me you suckers"

"BARGIN" = "Overpriced shite and me can't spel cos I is fick"

"COLLECTION ONLY" = I am THE laziest bastard ever and waiting for couriers stiffs me"

"AMPLIFRIER" = Very loud chip pan

[Jonboy]

I say old fruit. What's a "jaffa"?

.

"Seedless" a man that can only fire blanks ( like me now i've had the opp )

[Audio Al]

From my smoke, pet and child-free home - I'm a miserable bastard and probably a Jaffa too



:lol: That's funny :lol:

[Rare Bird]

Ever encountered a blank description that if your lucky says: *As per the title*

Even worse they ignore all your messages.

:steam:

[synsei]

"Speekas" or "Speekers - Am totallee unedookated an' don no wot am sellin, but they is bangin mate :mental:

[WOStantonCS100]

Has been in storage for several years - it's been sat in the open on a shelf in my garage for at least a decade, possibly more now I think about it, doesn't time fly? And it is so full of cement dust it now weighs 5 kilos more than it used to hence my exhorbitant postal charges.

:rfl:

[seoirse2002]

The word "audiophile"...Ive seen it so many times on so much crap
Audiophile speakers
Audiophile amplifier
etc. etc.

One would think there was a brand called audiophile...or is there?:scratch:

[Spur07]

Vinyl sellers on ebay:

KILLER COPY! = 'VG+' at best, caked in a thick layer of dust that I can't be arsed to remove for fear it will reveal a multitude of scuffs and scratches.

PLAYED ONLY A HANDFUL OF TIMES! = either I have 50 fingers per hand or some mystery ghost creeps into my house at night and plays my vinyl.

[The Grand Wazoo]

A few age related marks - No, no, no! The passage of time does not scar wood, metal or plastic. Clumsy bastard related marks, perhaps. Age related? Piss off!

[The Grand Wazoo]

Base - Bass
Bass -Base

Intergrated - This one's tricky. We have to break the word down into into its constituent parts. Take a look at the Oxford Dictionary:


Inter - verb
place (a corpse) in a grave or tomb, typically with funeral rites
e.g. he was interred with the military honours due to him

Grate - verb
make an unpleasant rasping sound
e.g. the hinges of the door grated
say something in a harsh tone
e.g. "How dare you!" he grated


So I think we can safely say that an intergrated amp is one that has a harsh tone, makes an unpleasant rasping sound and should be buried.

[prestonchipfryer]

It's INTEGRATED, which is an adjective to describe unification or merging. :)

I.e.: The corpse being buried will be integrated with the soil.

So, I guess it should be INTERGRATED. :eyebrows:

[The Grand Wazoo]

Eh?

[Alex_UK]

:rfl:

[walpurgis]

Amplifire!

I see this very often. Must be some new type of device.

[walpurgis]

Bargin!

I often see this too. I believe it must be a foreign word, as it is certainly not English.

[istari_knight]

Perfect working order *with small fault* is one of my faves.

[The Grand Wazoo]

Amplifire!

Amplifire - Item has been tested and it has been found to have an electrical fault. There is also some soot on the melted circuit board.

[The Grand Wazoo]

Bargin!


Bar Gin! - Where I was and what I was drinking before I took the photo for this listing.

[Alex_UK]

Barge In - you should have seen my elbows flailing at the Scout jumble sale when I saw this and thought I could turn a profit

[Tim]

This is an absolute cracker I found on a listing today;

"It has rust around the top mechanism and hop cover but I think this adds to its character"

:lol:

Beautiful vintage Zassenhaus antique coffee mill / grinder good working order. (http://www.ebay.co.uk/itm/310651388672?ssPageName=STRK:MEWAX:IT&_trksid=p3984.m1423.l2649)

What a pile of garbage . . .

[walpurgis]

"sorry, no remote"

Isn't that pathetic? It means, totally disorganised household who basically don't give a toss about anything much.

I don't know about you, but I've never lost one (broke a couple though) and I'm not that organised.

[synsei]

Amplifire!

I see this very often. Must be some new type of device.

Once plugged in you will have that open fire you always promised yourself ;)

[Pete The Cat]

"Cartridge has only had x hours use". Where x = your age times 6 plus the year of your aunt's birth then double and add 11.

Pete