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combwork
28-12-2008, 21:44
A Cowboy Named Bud

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processingfacility in Hamburg , Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and
says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves".

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud.

He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S.Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct, " says the yuppie, "but how did youguess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a herd of sheep. . .

Now give me back my dog.

The Grand Wazoo
28-12-2008, 23:39
I heard that one before but it was about management consultants

sastusbulbas
29-12-2008, 00:21
Ha Ha,

No word of a lie but just about exactly the same thing happened at my work recently.

A very nice well know chap to most of us just got paid a lot more money than our mechanics get to teach them how to build bikes.

Some of the guys have been doing this for many years and build up to 9 bikes a day to a very high standard of assembly for minimum wage. I know their limits and what can be achieved and improved upon when balancing productivity but nothing as such was addressed, each mechanic managed 1 unit under tuition. Basic assembly not covering hydraulics.

Hydraulics was another full day with three mechanics each with a productivity of a front and rear disc brake service only, 2 out of three bikes broken.

I have been doing mechanics and such for an age (since childhood), the last ten years doing all sorts with bikes and mechanics, including mechanic training and productivity.
We are expected to train in days, given a week or so to get guys started on the basics, with a shortened to one A4 24 point brief on assembly for their basics. (When I started I gave most guys three month contracts during which they were temporary, getting trained and expected to get up to a certain level and speed)

For each mechanic trained this guy got more than I get per week. Not one mechanic reported learning anything useful from the course and all still build bikes as they have been taught by me and my collogue.

He is a nice guy, trying to make an honest living, but some "companies" need to get a grip.

The Grand Wazoo
29-12-2008, 10:21
Well, yes.
I left a job after 11 years with much sadness because I was being undermined by an external consultant who was merely passing on my professional expertise to my boss rather than contributing something new. Soon after I left, his fee was paid for by the redundancy of one of the most experienced & loyal front line guys.

The most expensive advice is not always the best.

The real definition of 'an expert':

An 'EX' is a has-been and a 'SPURT' is an uncontrollable drip.