Trust

[Rare Bird]

Um an old issue that just never goes away.

Failed marrage No.1 resulted living a lie, what a waste of years.

The present wife's sister is getting married but wants a Hen doo :rolleyes: i trust my wife but i can help thinking her around any man whle i'm not there.I don't want to but i'll find myself turning up at some point! is this wrong of me?

The Stag doo i won't be attending.

We've gone absolutly everywhere together ever since i first met her & find it the best policy, it certainy cuts down potential arguments.. i know exactly where she is all day & vise a versa hence no room for mistrust..this Hen doo will do nothing but put doubt on the relationship!

Any ideas fellas?

[John]

A relationship requires some trust I think its hard when you been let down in the past, but if you hold on to tightly you will only cause more issues.
I also think trust is something you earn and develops over time, if this is not developing is it about the past or something else.
I wish you the best in this Andre no simple answers in life, but one thing that comes across strongly is that you care about her and the marriage so I think its important to keep working at it

[Haselsh1]

Some smart arse once said "If you love them, let them go. If they love you, they shall return".

Patronising bastard. But true.

[MartinT]

I really think Shaun has it. You can't hold someone in an iron grip; relationships are about trust. If you love each other, you will always go back to each other. Otherwise resentment creeps in.

You have to let her attend the Hen do, Andr'e, and not go yourself. Your reward will be that she will strongly appreciate it.

[Haselsh1]

Your reward will be that she will strongly appreciate it.

I couldn't agree more !

[Covenant]

Yea Andre's back! Oops sorry, this is a serious thread but we have our prog rock expert back!

[YNWaN]

: i trust my wife but i can help thinking her around any man whle i'm not there.I don't want to but i'll find myself turning up at some point! is this wrong of me?

If you even have to ask this question then you don't trust her!

Yes, obviously, it is wrong of you!

[morris_minor]

Well, my two-pennies is that trust is essential in a relationship. If you restrict anyone they will resent it - maybe not now, but you'll be storing up problems...

[The Vinyl Adventure]

What I would recomend is that you talk to her, tell her calmly that it makes you worry!
You can't help it, if you are anything like my Hannah in this respect then there is little can be done to fix it, certainly short term! Long term, the best thing is communication between the two of you... And not the shouting type!
Maybe she could agree to check in with you, ring you every other hour or more frequently!
You turning up there will not help!

You gotta try and approach these things with a balanced frame of mind! All this is is mind set! You are set in this belief that something bad will happen! It won't! She just needs to understand that that is how you feel and that you new to work together to calm the feelings of anxiety you suffer from!

[jostber]

I would let her go to the Hen Doo. It's a girls' party and they will stick together all night to celebrate the lucky one. Give her your trust and get a free night for playing a lot of loud music.

[Ali Tait]

Appreciate why you did this chaps, but it's still censorship, something I strongly disagree with.

[Marco]

I also hate censoring, but sometimes needs must, mate. The decision isn't up for debate.

Marco.

[Ali Tait]

I wasn't debating, I was expressing an opinion.

[Marco]

Ok, that done, let's leave it there and get back to the discussion :)

Marco.

[Ali Tait]

Okeydokey. :)

[Covenant]

May I offer some practical advice? Do something unusual, buy her something special like a nice bracelet and put a note in with it saying how much you care about her but saying she can go to the do. Now she will know that you will have done it with an ulterior motive but after she has thought about it for a bit she will see that you have struggled and given her the benefit of the doubt.

[anthonyTD]

What I would recomend is that you talk to her, tell her calmly that it makes you worry!
You can't help it, if you are anything like my Hannah in this respect then there is little can be done to fix it, certainly short term! Long term, the best thing is communication between the two of you... And not the shouting type!
Maybe she could agree to check in with you, ring you every other hour or more frequently!
You turning up there will not help!

You gotta try and approach these things with a balanced frame of mind! All this is is mind set! You are set in this belief that something bad will happen! It won't! She just needs to understand that that is how you feel and that you new to work together to calm the feelings of anxiety you suffer from!
+1:)
Welcome back Andre.
All i will say further on this subject is, Some people have a very Narrow minded way of looking at the world and the people in it, we are all diffrent, And therfore' we all respond diffrently to advice.
Anthony,TD...

[Rare Bird]

Had a little convo yesterday...

As we both went through virtually the same bad experience in past relationship, we have both agreed not to attend either, i'd already taken a rain check on the Stag doo as soon as i heard about it anyway (The start of the convo was over me refusing to go)..

Personally i think Stag & Hen doos are not a good idea, they can end up getting out of hand, im not one for idiot drinking with mates anyway, im too quiet for that & always avoid busy pubs..

Anyway all sorted, thanks for all the input

[John]

Glad that you talked it through and worked out for you both

[Spectral Morn]

Had a little convo yesterday...

As we both went through virtually the same bad experience in past relationship, we have both agreed not to attend either, i'd already taken a rain check on the Stag doo as soon as i heard about it anyway (The start of the convo was over me refusing to go)..

Personally i think Stag & Hen doos are not a good idea, they can end up getting out of hand, im not one for idiot drinking with mates anyway, im too quiet for that & always avoid busy pubs..

Anyway all sorted, thanks for all the input

Pleased for you both Andre and a very warm welcome back from me as well :cool:


Regards D S D L