View Full Version : What is your most amusing lyric?
The Black Adder
15-04-2011, 15:20
Hello boys n girls.
There are so much music out there and so many great song writers. We all have a lyric that brings a smile to ones mush, so what is your most amusing lyric?
I'm kicking off with a Jarvis Cocker lyric:
Well if your ancestors could see you standing there,
They would gaze in wonder at your Frigidaire.
Discuss!
Tina Dico (Naturally!) - Magic
I drifted far away above this stranger's room
My thoughts got lost in crowded streets of yesterday
Until he stopped...
And asked if he had come too soon
I shook my head and turned away
Let's face it, we've all been there, haven't we chaps! :lol:
The Black Adder
16-04-2011, 08:08
Cool... heheh
lol... er, nope... ;)
The Black Adder
16-04-2011, 08:25
Cover up your guts
When you cover up you nuts!
The Who
:)
Tough to beat John Cooper Clarke for me, and this one is to music ;)
LYRICS © JOHN COOPER CLARKE
"BEASLEY STREET"
FAR FROM CRAZY PAVEMENTS
...THE TASTE OF SILVER SPOONS
A CLINICAL ARRANGEMENT
...ON A DIRTY AFTERNOON
WHERE THE FECAL GERMS OF MR. FREUD
...ARE RENDERED OBSOLETE
THE LEGAL TERM IS NULL AND VOID
IN THE CASE OF... BEASLEY STREET
IN THE CHEAP SEATS WHERE MURDER BREEDS
SOMEBODY IS OUT OF BREATH
SLEEP IS A LUXURY THEY DON'T NEED
...A SNEAK PREVIEW OF DEATH
BELLADONNA IS YOUR FLOWER
MANSLAUGHTER YOUR MEAT
SPEND A YEAR IN A COUPLE OF HOURS
ON THE EDGE OF BEASLEY STREET
WHERE THE ACTION ISN'T
THAT'S WHERE IT IS
STATE YOUR POSITION
VACANCIES EXIST
IN AN X-CERTIFICATE EXERCISE
EX-SERVICEMEN EXCRETE
KEITH JOSEPH SMILES AND A BABY DIES
IN A BOX ON BEASLEY STREET
FROM THE BOARDING HOUSES AND THE BEDSITS FULL OF
...ACCIDENTS AND FLEAS
SOMEBODY GETS IT
WHERE THE MISSING PERSONS FREEZE
WEARING DEAD MEN'S OVERCOATS
YOU CAN'T SEE THEIR FEET
A RIFF JOINT SHUTS - OPENS UP
RIGHT DOWN ON BEASLEY STREET
CARS COLLIDE, COLOURS CLASH
DISASTER MOVIE STUFF
FOR A MAN WITH THE FU MANCHU MOUSTACHE
REVENGE IS NOT ENOUGH
THERE'S A DEAD CANARY ON A SWIVEL SEAT
THERE'S A RAINBOW IN THE ROAD
MEANWHILE ON BEASLEY STREET
SILENCE IS THE CODE
HOT BENEATH THE COLLAR
...AN INSPECTOR CALLS
WHERE THE PERISHING STINK OF SQUALOR
...IMPREGNATES THE WALLS
THE RATS HAVE ALL GOT RICKETS
THEY SPIT THROUGH BROKEN TEETH
THE NAME OF THE GAME IS NOT CRICKET
CAUGHT OUT ON ...BEASLEY STREET
THE HIPSTER AND HIS HIRED HAT
DRIVE A BORROWED CAR
YELLOW SOCKS AND A PINK CREVAT
NOTHING LA-DI-DAH
O-A-P
MOTHER-TO-BE
WATCH THE THREE-PIECE SUITE
WHEN SHITSTOPPER DRAINS
AND CROCODILE SKIS
ARE SEEN ON ...BEASLEY STREET
THE KINGDOM OF THE BLIND
...A ONE-EYED MAN IS KING
BEAUTY PROBLEMS ARE REDEFINED
...THE DOORBELLS DO NOT RING
A LIGHT BULB BURST LIKE A BLISTER
THE ONLY FORM OF HEAT
WHERE A FELLOW SELLS HIS SISTER
...DOWN THE RIVER ON BEASLEY STREET
THE BOYS ARE ON THE WAGON
THE GIRLS ARE ON THE SHELF
THEIR COMMON PROBLEM IS
...THAT THEY'RE NOT SOMEONE ELSE
THE DIRT BLOWS OUT
THE DUST BLOWS IN
YOU CAN'T KEEP IT NEAT
IT'S A FULLY FURNISHED DUSTBIN
...SIXTEEN BEASLEY STREET
VINCE THE AGEING SAVAGE
BETRAYS NO KIND OF LIFE
...BUT THE SMELL OF YESTERDAY'S CABBAGE
AND THE GHOST OF LAST YEAR'S WIFE
THROUGH A CONSTANT HAZE
OF DEODORANT SPRAYS
HE SAYS ...RETREAT
ALSATIANS DOG THE DIRTY DAYS
DOWN THE MIDDLE OF BEASLEY STREET
PEOPLE TURN TO POISON
QUICK AS LAGER TURNS TO PISS
SWEETHEARTS ARE PHYSICALLY SICK
EVERY TIME THEY KISS
IT'S A SOCIOLOGIST'S PARADISE
EACH DAY REPEATS
UNEASY, CHEASY, GREASY, QUEASY
...BEASTLY, BEASLEY STREET
EYES DEAD AS VICIOUS FISH
LOOK AROUND FOR LAUGHS
IF I COULD HAVE JUST ONE WISH
I WOULD BE A PHOTOGRAPH
ON A PERMANENT MONDAY MORNING
GET LOST OR FALL ASLEEP
WHEN THE YELLOW CATS ARE YAWNING
AROUND THE BACK OF BEASLEY STREET
Techno Commander
17-04-2011, 20:30
A grinder, a humper, with a pre moistened dumper. :)
"And he sucked her and sucked her and he sucked her dry"
Grinderman 2 - Mickey Mouse And The Goodbye Man
http://open.spotify.com/track/6ZEvNusRJkzZ0j14kpFGDj
very raw, but boy what a great album :)
Beechwoods
17-04-2011, 21:35
This always makes me laugh - Boyz II Men, 'I'll Make Love To You'. Sung with sincerity :)
Girl relax, let's go slow
I ain't got nowhere to go
I'm just gonna concentrate on you
Girl are you ready, it's gonna be a long night
Throw your clothes on the floor
I'm gonna take my clothes off too
I made plans to be with you
Girl whatever you ask me you know I'll do
While I'm chuckling at the chap asking to 'go slow' and 'concentrating' on making it a long night, I ponder the fact that it's only in his next thought that they actually get undressed :scratch: shurely shome mishtake ;)
When Mrs B and me decided to go legal I played her Boyz II Men's greatest hits, but only after. They have their place :lolsign:
EDIT:
And when things ain't going so well, there's always 'On Bended Knee', surely one of the most strained rhymes ever!
Gonna swallow my pride, say I'm sorry
Stop pointing fingers the blame is on me
In agonised voice...
Jac Hawk
21-04-2011, 11:19
poo poo in the prawn
Ian Dury
I took a sudden notion
To go down to the ocean
I'd got my sun-tan lotion
My flippers and my mask
In proper distribution
Of fully-formed ablutions
Formed an ocean of pollution
In which I daredn't bask
Some turds were teeny-tiny
And some were big and shiny
But they all fucked up the briney
In which I dipped my toe
If you go swimming in the shite-us
You'll get worse than dermititis
From the sea of grey detritus
Where the sewage ebbs and flows
There's no respite
From the cess-pit
No shelter from the pong
The poor old ocean
Is full of motions
Where the hell did we go wrong?
Like a lamb off to the slaughter
Pored myself a glass of water
I failed to spot I'd caught a
Little creature in my cup
I was well and truly bolleaux-ed
From the fires of hell that followed
T'was the cup of life I'd swallowed
And it almost did me up
Something coming
Through the plumbing
That should not be there at all
The glass is brimming
And things are swimming
And quite frankly, I'm appalled
I was a very hungry fella
I defrosted my paella
Came down with Salmonella
Three weeks intensive care
They failed to send technicians in
To check the air-conditioning
Which was unfortunately transmissioning
A case of Legionnaires
There's a malaise
In the mayonnaise
There's a poo-poo in the prawn
Where we missed them
In the system
Little germs are being born
There's no respite
From the cess-pit
There's no shelter from the pong
Where the hell did we go wrong?
dantheman91
21-04-2011, 11:31
Relax dont do it when you want to come!!
:lolsign:
This always made me smile (Sara Evans):
So walk out backwards if you must go
But please don't wave goodbye
Just wave one last hello
The truth won't hurt so much
If I can just pretend
So walk out backwards
And I'll think you're walking in
I loved you then as I love you still,
I put you on a pedestal,
You put me on the pill...
Kirsty MacColl - New England (written by Billy Bragg)
Beechwoods
21-04-2011, 17:14
Aah Billy Bragg, 'Greetings To The New Brunette' has so many great lyrics!
Shirley, it's so exciting to be sleeping here in this new room,
Shirley, you're my reason to get out of bed before noon
...
Sometimes when we're as close as this,
It's like we're in a dream
How can you lie there and think of England
When you don't even know who's in the team?
...
Shirley, your sexual politics have left me all of a muddle,
Shirley, we're joined in the ideological cuddle
I'm celebrating my love to you
With a pint of beer and a new tattoo
I could go on!
Reid Malenfant
21-04-2011, 17:23
it’s :scratch: you on drugs Beechy? :eyebrows:
Beechwoods
21-04-2011, 17:28
Tapatalk bugs :doh:
Now fixed :)
The Grand Wazoo
21-04-2011, 19:59
More Ian Dury:
'Geraldine'
I'm in love with the person in the sandwich centre
If she didn't exist I'd have to invent her
There isn't any secret to my frequent visits
It's the way she makes them and they're all exquisite
I'm in love with the person in the sandwich centre
Enamoured of the magic of her fresh polenta
My temperature rises and my pulses quicken
When she gets cracking with the coronation chicken
The Black Adder
22-04-2011, 10:33
I went there with you once,
Except you were someone else
Pulp
The Black Adder
22-04-2011, 10:33
some good ones posted.. lol
'Well I love TV & I love T Rex
I can see through your skirt I got X-Ray specs
I came from the sky like a 747
I'm the Bad Boy, baby, I fell out of heaven
Sex Fuhrer, baby I'm a Love Dictator
Blitzkreig Romance - I'm a Cool Dominator'
Zodiac Mindwarp and the Love Reaction - 'Prime Mover'
Canetoad
27-04-2011, 07:35
The Radiators - Gimme Head
Gimme Head baby
Gimme head like you did just last night,
ah ah ah
You got me steamin at a hundred degrees
Each time I see you i go weak at the knees
You bring me undone bring me undone
With words you said, words you said
but best of all, all those you gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme scratch marks down the length of my back
You gimme teeth marks in the side my neck
You whisper sweet things, gimme beatings
You wreck my bed (wreck my bed)
but best of all, all those you gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
So
Ah say you'll never leave me
And promise me you'll stay
'Cos now that I'm in heaven don't slip away ow !
I like it
You got me steamin' at a hundred degrees
Each time I see you i go weak at the knees
You whisper sweet things, gimme beatings
You wreck my bed (wreck my bed)
but best of all, all those you gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
You gimme head
Suck
Purile... :lolsign:
Reminds me of the Blink 182 "Blowjob" song...
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NOT work or family friendly - so please be very careful following this link if you are easily offended by the F-word.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9SfV9Z5hUKg
Personally, I think its f****** hilarious though others may think it is puerile and childish... :lol:
To be fair, I could have posted any number of Blink 182 songs... All puerile and Childish! :D
'Tis an old maxim in the schools,
That falatio the food of fools;
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to take a bit.
(With apologies to Jonathan Swift)
Women on the other hand, find it "kind of lingers".
ECyoaWMvU9c
(Delete, if deemed offensive!)
The Black Adder
28-04-2011, 10:37
'Tis an old maxim in the schools,
That falatio the food of fools;
Yet now and then your men of wit
Will condescend to take a bit.
(With apologies to Jonathan Swift)
Women on the other hand, find it "kind of lingers".
ECyoaWMvU9c
(Delete, if deemed offensive!)
FOOKIN TOP! LMAO! :lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol:
That's just cost me another Amazon order - I loved NTNON as a tweenager, not quite old enough to get the point of that one at the time I don't think! :lol:
Mini skirts were in style when she danced down the aisle back in '63
But it's hard to get by when your arse is the size of a small country!
National Express by Divine Comedy
I was happy in the haze of a drunken hour
But heaven knows I'm miserable now
One more;
The sound of a dial-up modem intro plus these George Michael lyrics always make me chuckle:
You got yourself some action
Said you got your sexy Java
You got your speed connection
Free chat, fuck that, get a little harder
You got yourself a big bed
You shoot off, take your time
In the house with a bitch and a mouse
And your daddy's plastic how fantastic yeah
Good video too
In an attempt to raise the level above smutty schoolboy innuendo ;)
Elvis Costello - King of America
"She said that she was working for the ABC news,
It was as much of the alphabet as she knew how to use..."
In an attempt to raise the level above smutty schoolboy innuendo ;)
Oh let's not! ;)
From The The - Out of the Blue (Into the Fire)
"She was lying on her back
with her lips parted.
Squealing like a stuffed pig
I was going through the motions
faking the emotions,
and wriggling around like a lizard in a tin."
Always makes me snigger behind my hands like a pre-pubescent schoolboy! :lol:
Oh let's not! ;)
From The The - Out of the Blue (Into the Fire)
"She was lying on her back
with her lips parted.
Squealing like a stuffed pig
I was going through the motions
faking the emotions,
and wriggling around like a lizard in a tin."
Always makes me snigger behind my hands like a pre-pubescent schoolboy! :lol:
Right then youth, let's take this to the logical extreme...
Derek & Clive - Ad Nausiem - Dutch Bitch
"There was a woman from Amterdam
Who stuffed her bunt all full of clams
She was a very stupid ducking dutch bitch...
She had lobsters up the harse
She was ducking working class
She was a dutch bitch..."
;)
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