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Thread: Meet ups in Sussex anyone??

  1. #51
    Join Date: Apr 2015

    Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

    Posts: 384
    I'm Paul.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Pharos View Post
    ... enriching each others lives ...

    A partner should enhance life quality

    I love women, but I feel tyrannised enough by the cat

    You're bang on with everything you said, mate but especially the stuff I highlighted above.
    I know what you mean about the "care home" comment too - this ain't the 1950s where wifey stayed at home and you had your choice of top jobs for top dollar and everyone had a maid and a gardener and a picket fence.




    Quote Originally Posted by Marco View Post
    Isn't it bizarre how someone who hasn't conformed with society's 'accepted norm' is thus labelled as a "weirdo"? For me, that says more about them than it does about us (as I also don't have any children, but am very happily married).

    I've never been able to fathom why for so many, the feeling towards others who've successfully built their lives differently from you, is often one of resentment?

    Again, Marco you're also spot on with everything you say, both replying to me and to Pharos.
    That resentment thing .. jeez, I'd actually go further and say some people are actually hostile about it.
    Relatives have demanded to know why I haven't "settled down" and had children and treat me like the black sheep of the family.
    Actually, I say that but I never see them - they were step-relatives anyway and now my stepdad's gone I've given up the facade of family events for his sake. The only family I've got is my sister and her brood who live in Johannesburg.

    Curiously enough, she was another who couldn't understand my life.
    It got to the point where she got drunk at a dinner party when I was over there and said some really nasty shit to me in front of everyone.
    I got up and walked away, but she found me ten minutes later and got in my face saying that I was "broken".
    I don't even know what that means ..

    This was a few years ago.
    Since then, she's actually spent time in the UK again and just with me and my friends. I've taken her all over the country to meet people in my life and we've been away together to Germany and Edinburgh and really connected again.
    Now she knows loads about me, my friends, what I do, where and how and she actually DOES understand me and my life choices.
    She's met a couple of girlfriends in that time too, which was funny for me given she'd not met any in the 25 years previous - she's actually been down south now for longer than she lived in England prior to emigrating.

    Still, I'm rambling now.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is "Walk a mile in my shoes, before you judge me" to paraphrase Elvis.

    She asked me last time I saw her if I would've cut her off too.
    I said no but knew the answer was yes.

    I think I am a bit broken but isn't everyone ?


    Oh, and one last point : the thing about people who MUST be in a relationship because they can't exist on their own.
    What is that all about ??
    One mate got married and even on his wedding day I asked him how long it would last and he said "A few months probably".
    Twelve years later they finally got divorced.
    He suffered multiple burns - real life threatening stuff - in an accident and was in a coma for six months. It's a miracle he lived and half his body looks melted, it's amazing.
    In a semi-comatose state, he lay in hospital one day as his wife came to see him. She was on the phone to a friend at the bank where she worked and the conversation was about life insurance and whether she'd "be okay" if he died (!!) and how much she'd get with the cover they had.
    Five minutes later she called a Mercedes dealership to confirm that yes, she would take the car she looked at earlier that day.

    ... all the while holding his hand.

    She thought he couldn't hear her and was gonna pop his clogs anyway.

    Christ.
    I could go on all day .. when's the next meet-up ?
    I think it'll be a therapeutic experience
    Linn Sondek LP12, Ittok, A&R P77 > Musical Fidelity XLPS v3 Phono Stage
    Sony CDP-XE520 CD Player > SMSL Sanskrit DAC
    Pure DAB tuner
    Tisbury Mk.1 pre-amp > 2 x Meridian 205 monoblock power amps > Rega Jura Mk.2 speakers
    Grado SR80 headphones

    www.paulridgeblog.com

  2. #52
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

    Posts: 37,903
    I'm Grant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by rigger67 View Post
    You're bang on with everything you said, mate but especially the stuff I highlighted above.
    I know what you mean about the "care home" comment too - this ain't the 1950s where wifey stayed at home and you had your choice of top jobs for top dollar and everyone had a maid and a gardener and a picket fence




    Again, Marco you're also spot on with everything you say, both replying to me and to Pharos.
    That resentment thing .. jeez, I'd actually go further and say some people are actually hostile about it.
    Relatives have demanded to know why I haven't "settled down" and had children and treat me like the black sheep of the family.
    Actually, I say that but I never see them - they were step-relatives anyway and now my stepdad's gone I've given up the facade of family events for his sake. The only family I've got is my sister and her brood who live in Johannesburg.

    Curiously enough, she was another who couldn't understand my life.
    It got to the point where she got drunk at a dinner party when I was over there and said some really nasty shit to me in front of everyone.
    I got up and walked away, but she found me ten minutes later and got in my face saying that I was "broken".
    I don't even know what that means ..

    This was a few years ago.
    Since then, she's actually spent time in the UK again and just with me and my friends. I've taken her all over the country to meet people in my life and we've been away together to Germany and Edinburgh and really connected again.
    Now she knows loads about me, my friends, what I do, where and how and she actually DOES understand me and my life choices.
    She's met a couple of girlfriends in that time too, which was funny for me given she'd not met any in the 25 years previous - she's actually been down south now for longer than she lived in England prior to emigrating.

    Still, I'm rambling now.
    I guess what I'm trying to say is "Walk a mile in my shoes, before you judge me" to paraphrase Elvis.

    She asked me last time I saw her if I would've cut her off too.
    I said no but knew the answer was yes.

    I think I am a bit broken but isn't everyone ?


    Oh, and one last point : the thing about people who MUST be in a relationship because they can't exist on their own.
    What is that all about ??
    One mate got married and even on his wedding day I asked him how long it would last and he said "A few months probably".
    Twelve years later they finally got divorced.
    He suffered multiple burns - real life threatening stuff - in an accident and was in a coma for six months. It's a miracle he lived and half his body looks melted, it's amazing.
    In a semi-comatose state, he lay in hospital one day as his wife came to see him. She was on the phone to a friend at the bank where she worked and the conversation was about life insurance and whether she'd "be okay" if he died (!!) and how much she'd get with the cover they had.
    Five minutes later she called a Mercedes dealership to confirm that yes, she would take the car she looked at earlier that day.

    ... all the while holding his hand.

    She thought he couldn't hear her and was gonna pop his clogs anyway.

    Christ.
    I could go on all day .. when's the next meet-up ?
    I think it'll be a therapeutic experience
    She sounds like a right bitch. She could at least have left the room
    Regards,
    Grant ....

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    DENON DV2900 - TWIN PRO MONOBLOCK AMPLIFIERS - XIANG SHENG DAC\PRE\HEADPHONE AMP - AVANTREE OASIS CLASS 1 BLUETOOTH - AUDIO TECHNICA ATH-MSR7 & OPPO PM-3 PLANAR HEADPHONES - WIN10 JRIVER23, SPOTIFY PREMIUM - ECHO DOT - SMSL M6 MINIDAC - FULL RANGE TWIN TELEFUNKEN's - Q ACOUSTIC BT3 actives - CANTON SUB - MAINS REGENERATED AND FILTERED.

  3. #53
    Join Date: Mar 2017

    Location: Seaford UK

    Posts: 401
    I'm Dennis.

    Default

    That truly is an appalling and surely extreme case Rigger67.

    Regarding the ridicule by others about personal choices which are different from theirs or from the 'norm', I have read up on this subject as a result of my upbringing.

    We are all brought up in a competitive and resultantly insecure environment, and this places great demands on our ability as individuals to analyse and make life decisions.

    The ability to make these and feel secure about them is known as ontological security, and a psychologist, Solomon Asch did experiments to measure this in people.

    You might remember how at primary school we all looked around at others' answers in an insecure way, sometimes copying them.

    He set up an experiment in which 50 people were apparently taking a multiple choice questionnaire. Actually 49 people were paid to answer with the same incorrect answers, and only one person was being tested, but not for his ability to get the right answer, actually to see to what degree he would stick to his own beliefs when surrounded by those with another belief, and who all agreed on it.

    The result was that 60% of subjects would 'throw away' their own, often right, answers, and adopt the incorrect one that the group had 'chosen'. This has very serious implications for us all, especially in a democracy.

    So when we are criticised or ridiculed for our differences, this underlying insecurity has to be suspected as at work.

  4. #54
    Join Date: Apr 2015

    Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

    Posts: 384
    I'm Paul.

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    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    She sounds like a right bitch. She could at least have left the room
    She was.
    She was always manipulative and had one of those "resting bitch" faces years before they were a thing :



    We used to work together and he's actually a very funny, jolly and rather portly chap - big boned is the phrase I'm looking for .
    Thing was, sometimes he'd be a right mardy so-and-so, really grumpy and snappy and we'd ask what was wrong and it was the same every time : they're not getting on at home, she's a bitch, etc ..
    This would go on for days .. until miraculously - and like clockwork, once a month - he'd saunter in with a coffee for everyone and a box of doughnuts with a massive grin on his face.

    Eventually I just asked him WTF was going on once I'd identified there was a pattern to his behaviour.
    Turns out she'd .. er .. pleasure him orally once a month and that was what did it.
    She didn't like doing it but relented round about payday.

    Funny that ..


    Sad thing is, they had three daughters and she turned one of them against him. The other two are fine, but the one bought everything she said and hardly sees him. It's a real shame because they're all still in their teens and it breaks him up inside.
    She's the spit of her mother too, which can't make it any easier ..



    I know some men are complete and utter tossers who'll sh*g anything that moves, but equally there are some really horrible women out there who'll use a man for all she can before moving on to the next.

    Every year that passes, the more I think living in the western world resembles that Two Ronnies mini-series, The Worm That Turned :






    Before you all think I'm a psycho misogynist, I can assure you I'm not : I really enjoy the company of women and have three lifelong female friends who I see a lot of and often go drinking with, despite them or me being in a relationship.
    It's just the bad ones that I don't like ..
    Linn Sondek LP12, Ittok, A&R P77 > Musical Fidelity XLPS v3 Phono Stage
    Sony CDP-XE520 CD Player > SMSL Sanskrit DAC
    Pure DAB tuner
    Tisbury Mk.1 pre-amp > 2 x Meridian 205 monoblock power amps > Rega Jura Mk.2 speakers
    Grado SR80 headphones

    www.paulridgeblog.com

  5. #55
    Join Date: Apr 2012

    Location: Southall, West London

    Posts: 29,533
    I'm Geoff.

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    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    no one to bung you in a home when you become a trial
    I've been a trial all my life!!
    Mr. Tact!

    Main system: MMs/ADCs/Low output MC's/One rare Japanese SUT/One scarce British phono stage/various tonearms/hefty Japanese DD TT and hefty Japanese BD TT and small British BD TT. 4 CD players/2 jitter buster/2 DACs/Valve buffer. TVC stepped attenuator or valve pre-amp or solid state pre-amp. Current dumping power-amp or either of two Class A SS power-amp or Class A EL34 valve monos or big Japanese (part Class A) integrated. Big dual concentric speakers/Smaller dual concentric speakers/Two way British compacts and full range speakers, amongst others. And too much more to list!

  6. #56
    Join Date: Apr 2015

    Location: Southampton, United Kingdom

    Posts: 384
    I'm Paul.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Pharos View Post
    That truly is an appalling and surely extreme case Rigger67.

    Regarding the ridicule by others about personal choices which are different from theirs or from the 'norm', I have read up on this subject as a result of my upbringing.

    We are all brought up in a competitive and resultantly insecure environment, and this places great demands on our ability as individuals to analyse and make life decisions.

    The ability to make these and feel secure about them is known as ontological security, and a psychologist, Solomon Asch did experiments to measure this in people.

    You might remember how at primary school we all looked around at others' answers in an insecure way, sometimes copying them.

    He set up an experiment in which 50 people were apparently taking a multiple choice questionnaire. Actually 49 people were paid to answer with the same incorrect answers, and only one person was being tested, but not for his ability to get the right answer, actually to see to what degree he would stick to his own beliefs when surrounded by those with another belief, and who all agreed on it.

    The result was that 60% of subjects would 'throw away' their own, often right, answers, and adopt the incorrect one that the group had 'chosen'. This has very serious implications for us all, especially in a democracy.

    So when we are criticised or ridiculed for our differences, this underlying insecurity has to be suspected as at work.

    Brilliant.
    I've read about similar tests and it is quite astonishing how peer pressure can influence a person.

    I love this kind of stuff.
    Have you ever taken a Myers-Briggs test ?
    It's a really useful tool for finding out about peoples' personalities and is widely used in US recruitment though not so much over here.
    There's a series of questions - usually 50 or 100 - and they ask the respondent about a whole raft of subjects and how you feel about them.
    It's not just work-related, it's about everyday life as a human being too, so it's quite a nice "test" to actually take - it makes you think in ways you've probably not done as an adult.
    At the end of it, there are sixteen different personality types based around four axes of extremes with two ends on each, eg Introvert or Extrovert, Logical or Emotive (ie think with your heart or your head), etc.

    Then when you know what "box" you're in you can see how you relate to and work with others around you.

    I carried it out on a selection of my staff in my last full-time role at Southampton Uni and it was fascinating to find out who was who - and it confirmed a lot of what I already felt because I clearly worked better with certain individuals over others.



    At the end of the day, "you gotta do what you gotta do" .. screw what anyone else thinks.
    Linn Sondek LP12, Ittok, A&R P77 > Musical Fidelity XLPS v3 Phono Stage
    Sony CDP-XE520 CD Player > SMSL Sanskrit DAC
    Pure DAB tuner
    Tisbury Mk.1 pre-amp > 2 x Meridian 205 monoblock power amps > Rega Jura Mk.2 speakers
    Grado SR80 headphones

    www.paulridgeblog.com

  7. #57
    Join Date: Jan 2008

    Location: Wrexham, North Wales, UK

    Posts: 73,366
    I'm AudioAl'sArbiterForPISHANTO.

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    Quote Originally Posted by struth View Post
    No kids means no one to look after you in your dotage they say... maybe it really means no one to bung you in a home when you become a trial
    Sadly, that's often the more likely scenario... And besides, if you 'party on' having a great time and die happy before that stage, then it's not an issue!

    Marco's motto: you only have ONE life, so LIVE it [making sure that it *is* a LIFE, not merely an existence]..... Or as the late (great) John Martyn used to say: "I'm here for a good time, not a long time".



    Marco.
    http://www.thestainedglasscompany.com

    "A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do" -- Milan Kundera.

  8. #58
    Join Date: Jan 2008

    Location: Wrexham, North Wales, UK

    Posts: 73,366
    I'm AudioAl'sArbiterForPISHANTO.

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    There have been some great replies on this thread, and subjects very close to my heart discussed, which I'll get to later!

    Marco.
    http://www.thestainedglasscompany.com

    "A man is a success if he gets up in the morning and gets to bed at night, and in between he does what he wants to do" -- Milan Kundera.

  9. #59
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

    Posts: 37,903
    I'm Grant.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marco View Post
    Sadly, that's the often the more likely scenario... And besides, if you 'party on' having a great time, and die happy before that stage, it's not an issue!

    Marco's motto: you only have ONE life, so LIVE it [making sure that it *is* a LIFE, not merely an existence].....



    Marco.
    Jeez, dont say that last bit too often... i might have to top myself
    Regards,
    Grant ....

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    DENON DV2900 - TWIN PRO MONOBLOCK AMPLIFIERS - XIANG SHENG DAC\PRE\HEADPHONE AMP - AVANTREE OASIS CLASS 1 BLUETOOTH - AUDIO TECHNICA ATH-MSR7 & OPPO PM-3 PLANAR HEADPHONES - WIN10 JRIVER23, SPOTIFY PREMIUM - ECHO DOT - SMSL M6 MINIDAC - FULL RANGE TWIN TELEFUNKEN's - Q ACOUSTIC BT3 actives - CANTON SUB - MAINS REGENERATED AND FILTERED.

  10. #60
    Join Date: Feb 2013

    Location: W Lothian

    Posts: 37,903
    I'm Grant.

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by rigger67 View Post
    She was.
    She was always manipulative and had one of those "resting bitch" faces years before they were a thing :



    We used to work together and he's actually a very funny, jolly and rather portly chap - big boned is the phrase I'm looking for .
    Thing was, sometimes he'd be a right mardy so-and-so, really grumpy and snappy and we'd ask what was wrong and it was the same every time : they're not getting on at home, she's a bitch, etc ..
    This would go on for days .. until miraculously - and like clockwork, once a month - he'd saunter in with a coffee for everyone and a box of doughnuts with a massive grin on his face.

    Eventually I just asked him WTF was going on once I'd identified there was a pattern to his behaviour.
    Turns out she'd .. er .. pleasure him orally once a month and that was what did it.
    She didn't like doing it but relented round about payday.

    Funny that ..


    Sad thing is, they had three daughters and she turned one of them against him. The other two are fine, but the one bought everything she said and hardly sees him. It's a real shame because they're all still in their teens and it breaks him up inside.
    She's the spit of her mother too, which can't make it any easier ..



    I know some men are complete and utter tossers who'll sh*g anything that moves, but equally there are some really horrible women out there who'll use a man for all she can before moving on to the next.

    Every year that passes, the more I think living in the western world resembles that Two Ronnies mini-series, The Worm That Turned :






    Before you all think I'm a psycho misogynist, I can assure you I'm not : I really enjoy the company of women and have three lifelong female friends who I see a lot of and often go drinking with, despite them or me being in a relationship.
    It's just the bad ones that I don't like ..
    I know that face. Is it just a composite? Or someone in particular? And im not talking big diana, who when young was a real doll
    Regards,
    Grant ....

    I've said it before and I'll say it again: democracy simply-doesn't-work
    .... ..... ...... ...... ................... ..... ..... ..... ..... .....
    DENON DV2900 - TWIN PRO MONOBLOCK AMPLIFIERS - XIANG SHENG DAC\PRE\HEADPHONE AMP - AVANTREE OASIS CLASS 1 BLUETOOTH - AUDIO TECHNICA ATH-MSR7 & OPPO PM-3 PLANAR HEADPHONES - WIN10 JRIVER23, SPOTIFY PREMIUM - ECHO DOT - SMSL M6 MINIDAC - FULL RANGE TWIN TELEFUNKEN's - Q ACOUSTIC BT3 actives - CANTON SUB - MAINS REGENERATED AND FILTERED.

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