BBC closes loophole for whiny freeloaders

[Joe]

http://www.thedailymash.co.uk/news/s...20160902113219

PEOPLE with an absurd sense of entitlement will no longer be able to watch BBC iPlayer for free, the broadcaster has confirmed.

The broadcaster closed the loophole, which allowed people access to billions of pounds worth of entertainment for free, yesterday after a high-level decision that those people could go fuck themselves.

Craft beer ambassador Tom Booker said: “I don’t own a television, I don’t have a television aerial on the chimney of my house, I don’t even have a house. I’m contemporary.

“So when I’m watching Bake-Off ironically on my MacBook I shouldn’t be liable for any licence fee, because what I am doing is completely different and cooler.

“YouTube’s free, and I don’t see the distinction between high-quality content by a broadcasting organisation which is the envy of the world and blurred smartphone footage of teenagers punching each other’s groins.

“Where does this end? Paying for music?”

A BBC spokesman said: “We’ve got Attenborough, you whiny bitches, so pay up.”

[petrat]

[struth]

I heard the new penalties were raised to televised execution for stealing bbc services Gotta admit it would beat cum dancing

[walpurgis]

If something is or has been free. Does that make those who have enjoyed using it 'whiny freeloaders'?

[prestonchipfryer]

Made me laugh.

[JohnJo]

If something is or has been free. Does that make those who have enjoyed using it 'whiny freeloaders'?

No. Only when you complain that they aren't giving you things for free anymore because you believe they should.

[Macca]

If you are only watching ironically then it should be free. I for one welcome our new craft beer ambassador overlords.

[Macca]

Intrigued, I called the BBC and spoke with senior executive James Ogilvy-Pharse. This is what he had to say:

'Macca, the facts are that at the present time I earn 350K a year for attending a few meetings about political correctness and diversity, and a couple more meetings where we plan the meetings about political correctness and diversity. Otherwise the rest of my time is my own and I am free to have lavish expense-account lunches and shag young, impressionable female researchers. If we were to allow people to watch our programmes for free there is a very real danger that I would have to find a proper job on a real-world salary.

The fact is that freeloading only works for the few, not the many. If we were to allow everyone to freeload the gravy train would hit the buffers pretty sharpish.'

When I put it to James that the BBC's output is so poor that it is, in effect, valuless, he had this to say :

'Macca, the purpose of the BBC is not to produce programmes. The BBC exists to provide cushy high salary sinecures for people like me. Whilst we do produce the occasional new show amidst the general mass of repeats and biased news coverage, they are mostly cut and paste ideas pinched from other networks or simply cribbed from stuff we made years ago. We just use different actors and update any topical references. No-one seems to notice. In any case I am not involved in actually making television and in fact I don 't know anyone at the BBC who is. I imagine there might be a couple of chaps down in the basement who do that sort of thing but I really don't know.'

[anthonyTD]

Sounds about right!

Intrigued, I called the BBC and spoke with senior executive James Ogilvy-Pharse. This is what he had to say:

'Macca, the facts are that at the present time I earn 350K a year for attending a few meetings about political correctness and diversity, and a couple more meetings where we plan the meetings about political correctness and diversity. Otherwise the rest of my time is my own and I am free to have lavish expense-account lunches and shag young, impressionable female researchers. If we were to allow people to watch our programmes for free there is a very real danger that I would have to find a proper job on a real-world salary.

The fact is that freeloading only works for the few, not the many. If we were to allow everyone to freeload the gravy train would hit the buffers pretty sharpish.'

When I put it to James that the BBC's output is so poor that it is, in effect, valuless, he had this to say :

'Macca, the purpose of the BBC is not to produce programmes. The BBC exists to provide cushy high salary sinecures for people like me. Whilst we do produce the occasional new show amidst the general mass of repeats and biased news coverage, they are mostly cut and paste ideas pinched from other networks or simply cribbed from stuff we made years ago. We just use different actors and update any topical references. No-one seems to notice. In any case I am not involved in actually making television and in fact I don 't know anyone at the BBC who is. I imagine there might be a couple of chaps down in the basement who do that sort of thing but I really don't know.'

[struth]

Obviously not a luvvie. But probably accurate