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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #111
    Join Date: May 2008

    Location: Lancaster(-ish), UK

    Posts: 16,937
    I'm ChrisB.

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    Mrs McKenzie is trying hard to stay upright as she makes her way down an icy High Street to do her shopping.

    As she comes skittering into the McTavish's butchers shop she sees the owner standing with his back to the wall heater.

    She points & says "Morning Mr McTavish, is that yer Ayreshire bacon"

    He shivers & says "Aye, that's right, cos it's awffy cold oot there, the day Mrs McKenzie"


    ....................think about it.

  2. #112
    Join Date: Jan 2008

    Location: Norfolk, UK

    Posts: 6,209
    I'm BigBobJoylove.

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    Took a moment, luckily I know the accent well.

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  3. #113
    Join Date: Jan 2008

    Location: Wrexham, North Wales, UK

    Posts: 110,012
    I'm AudioAl'sArbiterForPISHANTO.

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    LOL. TGW, very funny!

    But, as a Scottish born chap, may I point out that "Ayreshire" has no 'e'. And "skittering" (skitters) has an entirely different meaning to the one you intended!!

    Marco.
    Main System

    Turntable: Heavily-modified Technics SL-1210MK5G [Mike New bearing/ETP platter/Paul Hynes SR7 PSU & reg mods]. Funk Firm APM Achromat/Nagaoka GL-601 Crystal Record Weight/Isonoe feet & boots/Ortofon RS-212D/Denon DL-103GL in Denon PCL-300 headshell with Funk Firm Houdini/Kondo SL-115 pure-silver cartridge leads.

    Paul Hynes MC head amp/SR5 PSU. Also modded Lentek head amp/Denon AU-310 SUT.

    Other Cartridges: Nippon Columbia (NOS 1987) Denon DL-103. USA-made Shure SC35C with NOS stylus. Goldring G820 with NOS stylus. Shure M55E with NOS stylus.

    CD Player: Audiocom-modified Sony X-777ES/DAS-R1 DAC.

    Tape Deck: Tandberg TCD 310, fully restored and recalibrated as new, by RDE, plus upgraded with heads from the TCD-420a. Also with matching TM4 Norway microphones.

    Preamps: Heavily-modified Croft Charisma-X. LDR Stereo Coffee. Power Amps: Tube Distinctions Copper Amp fitted with Tungsol KT-150s. Quad 306.

    Cables & Sundries: Mark Grant HDX1 interconnects and digital coaxial cable, plus Mark Grant 6mm UP-LCOFC Van Damme speaker cable. MCRU 'Ultimate' mains leads. Lehmann clone headphone amp with vintage Koss PRO-4AAA headphones.

    Tube Distinctions digital noise filter. VPI HW16.5 record cleaning machine.

    Speakers: Tannoy 15MGs in Lockwood cabinets with modified crossovers. 1967 Celestion Ditton 15.


    Protect your HUMAN RIGHTS and REFUSE ANY *MANDATORY* VACCINE FOR COVID-19!

    Also **SAY NO** to unjust 'vaccine passports' or certificates, which are totally incompatible with a FREE society!!!


  4. #114
    Join Date: May 2008

    Location: Lancaster(-ish), UK

    Posts: 16,937
    I'm ChrisB.

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    Quote Originally Posted by Marco View Post
    LOL. TGW, very funny!

    But, as a Scottish born chap, may I point out that "Ayreshire" has no 'e'. And "skittering" (skitters) has an entirely different meaning to the one you intended!!

    Marco.
    Reygardinge ther sprellinge .......I know, I know...........it's just that my crap fingers are magnetically attacted to the letters between 'w' and 'y'.

    I lived in Scotland for a good part of my life, my daughter was born in Dumfries and I've been subjected to several doses of the skitters in my time, believe me (usually after a few too many cans of 80/........).

  5. #115
    Join Date: Jan 2008

    Location: Wrexham, North Wales, UK

    Posts: 110,012
    I'm AudioAl'sArbiterForPISHANTO.

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    LOL. I see - no problem

    I would suggest replacing "skittering" with 'chuntering' or 'breenging'.

    Ayrshire bacon though is rather good! As is most farm produce from around that area.

    Marco.
    Main System

    Turntable: Heavily-modified Technics SL-1210MK5G [Mike New bearing/ETP platter/Paul Hynes SR7 PSU & reg mods]. Funk Firm APM Achromat/Nagaoka GL-601 Crystal Record Weight/Isonoe feet & boots/Ortofon RS-212D/Denon DL-103GL in Denon PCL-300 headshell with Funk Firm Houdini/Kondo SL-115 pure-silver cartridge leads.

    Paul Hynes MC head amp/SR5 PSU. Also modded Lentek head amp/Denon AU-310 SUT.

    Other Cartridges: Nippon Columbia (NOS 1987) Denon DL-103. USA-made Shure SC35C with NOS stylus. Goldring G820 with NOS stylus. Shure M55E with NOS stylus.

    CD Player: Audiocom-modified Sony X-777ES/DAS-R1 DAC.

    Tape Deck: Tandberg TCD 310, fully restored and recalibrated as new, by RDE, plus upgraded with heads from the TCD-420a. Also with matching TM4 Norway microphones.

    Preamps: Heavily-modified Croft Charisma-X. LDR Stereo Coffee. Power Amps: Tube Distinctions Copper Amp fitted with Tungsol KT-150s. Quad 306.

    Cables & Sundries: Mark Grant HDX1 interconnects and digital coaxial cable, plus Mark Grant 6mm UP-LCOFC Van Damme speaker cable. MCRU 'Ultimate' mains leads. Lehmann clone headphone amp with vintage Koss PRO-4AAA headphones.

    Tube Distinctions digital noise filter. VPI HW16.5 record cleaning machine.

    Speakers: Tannoy 15MGs in Lockwood cabinets with modified crossovers. 1967 Celestion Ditton 15.


    Protect your HUMAN RIGHTS and REFUSE ANY *MANDATORY* VACCINE FOR COVID-19!

    Also **SAY NO** to unjust 'vaccine passports' or certificates, which are totally incompatible with a FREE society!!!


  6. #116
    Join Date: May 2008

    Location: Bristol, UK

    Posts: 9,962
    I'm Nick.

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    I have no idea what you're going on about, but I enjoy a good egg in the morning
    Nick
    My system...


    Follow AOS on Twitter: @AoS_Forum

  7. #117
    Join Date: May 2008

    Location: Lancaster(-ish), UK

    Posts: 16,937
    I'm ChrisB.

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    One more gag that requires you to read in the accent................

    Why did the Mexican tie his wife to the railway tracks?
































    ........................Tequila

  8. #118
    Join Date: May 2008

    Location: Lancaster(-ish), UK

    Posts: 16,937
    I'm ChrisB.

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    There’s a medical conference and the world’s top three physicians - an American, a Swiss, and an Englishman, were giving presentations about the advances they had achieved in the field of artificial limbs.

    Says the Englishman, "There was a baby girl born in Yorkshire without legs so I attached a pair of artificial ones of my own design, inspired by some of the works of Leonardo Da Vinci. Now she is a three-time winner of the London Marathon!!

    The Swiss doctor's speech begins…….. “In Lucerne there was a baby boy born without forearms so we attached artificial forearms of my design, inspired by lobster claws. Now that he's grown, he has become an Olympic weight lifter, and a gold medallist at that!"

    The American physician jumps onto the rostrum….. “That's nothing to what we have done. In Texas there was a little helpless baby boy born without a HEAD!

    We were inspired by Disney movies so we attached a PUMPKIN and now he's the Leader of the Free World."

  9. #119
    Join Date: Feb 2008

    Location: North East UK

    Posts: 6,358
    I'm InSpace.

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    Quote Originally Posted by The Grand Wazoo View Post
    We were inspired by Disney movies so we attached a PUMPKIN and now he's the Leader of the Free World."
    Brilliant!
    Shian7
    --------------------------------------------------------

    Kudakutemo
    kudakutemo

    ari mizu-no tsuki

    Though it be be broken -
    broken again - still it's there:
    the moon on the water.

    - Choshu.

  10. #120
    Join Date: May 2008

    Location: Bristol, UK

    Posts: 9,962
    I'm Nick.

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    Didn't XTC do a rather brilliant song about that very thing?!
    Nick
    My system...


    Follow AOS on Twitter: @AoS_Forum

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