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Thread: Jokes & Funnies

  1. #1111
    Join Date: Sep 2017

    Location: Northampton

    Posts: 91
    I'm Chris.

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    I ordered a Thesaurus online recently and received it today - only to find the book completely blank!

    I have no words to describe how angry I am!

  2. #1112
    Join Date: Sep 2017

    Location: Northampton

    Posts: 91
    I'm Chris.

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    One for your little kids:

    How many tickles does it take to make an octopus happy?


    Ten tickles!

  3. #1113
    Join Date: Apr 2015

    Location: Central Virginia

    Posts: 660
    I'm Russell.

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    Good one Chris!
    Another good kidís joke: What do you call a boomerang that doesnít come back? A stick!

    What did the fish say when he bumped his head on a concrete wall? Dam!


    Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

  4. #1114
    Join Date: Sep 2017

    Location: Northampton

    Posts: 91
    I'm Chris.

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    An old one:

    Old Mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to find her poor doggy a bone
    As she bent over, Rover came over and gave her a bone of his own.

  5. #1115
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 1,806
    I'm Anto.

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    Another old one and one of my all time favorites!

    Did you hear about the gyaenocologist who painted his hall way through his front door letter box
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

  6. #1116
    Join Date: Oct 2015

    Location: Pulborough, West Sussex, UK

    Posts: 586
    I'm Ian.

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    Two cannibals were eating a clown when one turns to the other and said " does this taste funny? "
    My stuff; Toshiba SR-370/Mission 774 /Ortofon Quintet Black, Cambridge CXC CD transport/Musical Fidelity X DAC/Musical Fidelity X10v3 tube buffer, Musical Fidelity A3, Nakamichi CA-5E pre amp, Acoustic Solutions FM/DAB tuner, Mordaunt Short Signifer, Klotz MC5000/MS audio, NVA LS5

  7. #1117
    Join Date: Jun 2014

    Location: Chorley Lancs

    Posts: 34
    I'm Steve.

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    Three goldfish in a tank.

    One of them says, 'Anyone know how to drive this thing?'

  8. #1118
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 1,806
    I'm Anto.

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    I was driving through the countryside the other day and saw a sign advertising a 'talking dog for sale'.

    I stopped and knocked on the door - bloke answered and I said 'have you got a talking dog for sale?' he said 'yes he's in the back yard go and have a chat'. So I did.

    Dog was there I said can you talk? Dog said 'yes - let me tell you about my life - I worked in Afghanistan for the US special forces who would send me into Taliban villages to gather intelligence. Then I went to the Middle East to work for the British Secret Service against ISIS. Recently I have worked for various drug squads in the UK' Wow I said fantastic.

    I went back to the owner and said 'how much for the talking dog?' he replied 'a fiver'....I said 'only a fiver for a talking dog?' He said 'yes - he's a lying b@stard - he's never been out that back yard!'
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

  9. #1119
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 1,806
    I'm Anto.

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    Gerry Adams will be on - Im A Celebrity Youíve Got Five Minutes To Get Out Of Here . . apparently.
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

  10. #1120
    Join Date: Jul 2014

    Location: Shropshire

    Posts: 1,806
    I'm Anto.

    Default

    Despite her high standing in the local coven Mrs B. is still a very attractive woman and immediately responded when she saw an advert in the pet shop window - 'Available Now, Clitoris licking Frog'.
    She went inside to be greeted by the shopkeeper with, 'Bonjour Madame'
    I only ride 'em, I don't know what makes 'em work

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