Jokes & Funnies

[WikiBoy]

Yes, Super Muppet, we need a new rant. So get to it!

Did you get the message from Rob about the new room with mod facilities we're going to give you?


Marco.

Nope!

But is it now necessary, the vote seems to be agreeing they have to be controlled in some way, and if they are controlled and can't spam the forum they will leave, so QED.

[Marco]

S'up to you. If you want it we'll give it to you. Have a think. It might be a useful 'haven' in future

Yes, the vote looks as if it's going that way. The poll closes at the end of today. I have the feeling Ashley and jc won't contribute on those terms, so IMO they're as good as gone, which is shame (although I know you won't agree).

Marco.

[Mike]

S'up to you. If you want it we'll give it to you. Have a think. It might be a useful 'haven' in future

Yes, the vote looks as if it's going that way. The poll closes at the end of today. I have the feeling Ashley and jc won't contribute on those terms, so IMO they're as good as gone, which is shame (although I know you won't agree).

Marco.

Oi!.... keep ya politics outa ma jokes thread!

[Marco]

Check out Mr Methane!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofn8-3SWd8M



Marco.

[WikiBoy]

Check out Mr Methane!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ofn8-3SWd8M



Marco.

Did he have a pair of ADM9's in his underpants

Oh sorry couldn't resist it, of course the ADM9 can shi(f)t more air than that

No really I don't mean it, though if the ADM9 ever had to clear it's throat I would get out of the firing line.

Enough already before I poooo myself laughing:crowd:

Really though the ADM9 is a great product almost as entertaining as Mr Methane so Ashley

[Gromit]

First-year students at a Vet school were receiving their first anatomy class with a dead cow. They all gathered around the surgery table with the carcass covered with a white sheet

The professor started the class by telling them, 'In Veterinary Medicine it is necessary to have two important qualities as a doctor: The first is that you not be disgusted by anything involving the animal body.' For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the backside of the dead cow, withdrew it and stuck it in his mouth. 'Go ahead and do the same thing,' He told his students.

The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes. But eventually took turns sticking a finger in the anal opening of the dead cow and sucking on it.

When everyone finished, the Professor looked at them and said, 'The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention. Life's tough, it's even tougher if you're stupid.'

[Mike Reed]

I have heard this before, GROMIT, but it's still a good one. My lady wiffie was highly tickled by it. I was beginning to think I had an odd bent on humour.

Must post another, being so encouraged.

What noise emanates from treading on a grape?

A little whine. (almost at cracker joke level)


A pensioner, in bed with his wife, hears the door-bell ring late at night. He chooses to ignore it, but his wife insists that he finds out who it is.

He goes to the front door, opens it and is confronted by an Irishman, slightly the worse for wear, who says " "Evenin' sor. Sorry t' trouble yous, but can ye give us a push?"

The pensioner slams the door and stomps up to bed.

"Who was that, dear?" his wife asks.

"Some drunken Irishman asking for a push; at THIS time of night", he replied

"But my dear, he could have his family with him in the car, and they could be tired and hungry, etc, etc...." his wife admonished.

So he goes down again and opens the front door and peers out into the foggy night. "Hullo there" he shouts, again and again.

Just about to turn back inside, he hears a voice a short distance away.

"Please give us a push, sor".

"Where are you?" shouted the householder.

"Over here, on your swing", came the reply.