The tyranny of hi-fi

[Marco]

Yes, cats are better.

Marco.

[walpurgis]

And dogs!

[southall-1998]

And dogs!

Good one, Geoff

[Marco]

Excellent post, Hesketh. You're certainly well rid of those assholes! Thing is, did you ever find out exactly what they were jealous of? That's the burning question I'm left with after reading your story...

Marco.

[Oldpinkman]

Fortunately none of my friends (apart from the pros) are remotely interested in hifi. They all think i'm completely bonkers, so no risk of jealousy there. Divorce, by contrast does weed out the chaff. And much better for it.

[The Outcast]

Cheers Marco Sorry to keep you waiting for waiting.

Thanks for your support guys. really appreciated. It really has knocked me a little. I simply don't understand it all and it's all left me somewhat wary of people. I often think that people lose sight of what is important and become too focused on their obsessions. I thought i would bore you all with my experience as i want it to serve as a warning to others. Family and true friends are important. Hi-fi equipment is only important when it is your main passion though not s important than family and friends.
Now that i have been outcast by people who pretended to be my friends i am gaining strength from people who are true to me. Thanks to all the folks who replied to this thread.

H

Marco.

[Marco]

No problem, Hesketh. It's good to get things off of your chest. Forgive me, though, as I'm a little confused. You wrote:

"Over the years i found out that a lot of it was down to Hi-Fi matters. I couldn't bring myself to believe it. One of these people was a person who had known me from childhood and very close indeed. In recent months i happened to be in the my local dealer in Stockton on Tees (By far the best hifi dealer i have ever dealt with.) and two of my dear friends of years gone by were there, I was blanked by both. This is a pityful tale and from what i have been lead to believe was caused by petty jelousy."

Why did they both blank you? That bit is unclear. Were you spending more money than they were, perhaps?

Yet you also stated that:

"I know that their hifi equipment is far better in many respects than mine."

So if their equipment was far better than yours, what exactly were they jealous of? Your account of what happened at the dealer doesn't really explain this, so perhaps you could clarify? It's just that I can't see where this apparent jealousy has arisen from...

Marco.

[The Outcast]

because every time i bought something different they went and bought something far more elaborate and expensive. One upmanship at its worst.

[AlexM]

Oh dear. that would really be quite pathetic if jealousy was the reason for their actions. Jealousy can be a poison, but I've not encountered that in the context of a strong friendship or with Hi-Fi. I am alway delighted for people I know to get something that they've wanted for a long time.

If that had happened to me, I would certainly have not let it lie, and would have sought them out in order to find out what the reason for their behaviour is. Are you absolutely sure there isn't something else going on between you?. Take it from me (who can do no wrong in my own eyes ), that others don't necessarily share that view and sometimes offence can be caused without you realising. So here is my crash course to fixing problems with friendships or any relationship that matters:

• Firstly, set aside your own hurt feelings and anger towards them
• State your committment to the relationship, and tell them why you value it
• Express willingness and interest in sorting it out because you value their friendship and want to right any wrongs.
• Listen to what they have to say and don't judge whether it is valid (it is to them)
• Identify what you should or could have done to have consistent with your own values and principles and where you went wrong, and re-commitment to the relationship
• Identify with the impact your actions had on them, and apologise for that genuinely
• Leave your ego at home

I'm only saying this because one of the people you mentioned seems to have been a life-long friend, and we don't have too many of those...It can be a very powerful approach to detoxifying damaged relationships and you would be amazed what can be achieved, even where things have festered for far too long. If you care then you owe it to yourself to do what you can to sort it out. At least you won't be wondering what might have happened if you had tried.

Of course, you could be right and they could just be dicks, in which case, hey-ho

Cheers,
Alex

[Audio Al]

This does not only happen with HiFi

It happens in other walks of life as I have found out in the past

I can sympathies with you

People can be so strange at times