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its a funny feeling being older than your dad :scratch:;)
A teacher asked her class to name something that ends with 'tor' that eats things.
The first little boy Timmy says, "Alligator, miss".
"Very good, that's a big word."
The second boy William says, "Predator, miss".
"Yes, that's another big word. Well done."
Little Johnny says, "Vibrator, miss."
After nearly falling off her chair, she says, "That is a big word Johnny, but it doesn't eat anything."
Little Johnny says, "Well my sister has one and she says it eats batteries like there's no tomorrow!"
Almost 40 years together and my Wife still gets upset if I use her toothbrush!
So if any of you knows of another way to get dog poo out of trainers I'm all ears?
As I put another log on the fire last night, I thought.......
Really must get this bloody toilet fixed!
History celebrates Emily Davison, the suffragette who threw herself under the King's horse at the Derby in 1913.
Sadly, no-one remembers Mr Davison, who had to make his own tea that evening.
A bloke goes to a supermarket checkout with 1 egg, 1 sausage, 1 tomato and 1 mushroom.
Checkout lass asks him whilst she is serving him "Do you by any chance live alone" ?
Bloke replies "no, but why do you ask" ?
Checkout lass replies "because your such an ugly fcu%er "
James Bond is laid off and at the job centre, there are only two jobs available, one in a call centre and the other in a fabric colouring plant.
"Huh, " said Bond, "you expect me to talk?"
"No Mr Bond, " replied the interviewer, "I expect you to dye. "
Sam the snail wanted to be an Olympic runner. He thought he might go quicker by discarding his shell, but it just made him more sluggish.
That's awful, but funny.
This came from British bluesman Aynsley Lister on social media :D
https://scontent-lhr3-1.xx.fbcdn.net...be&oe=5B487C06
A woman is on trial for beating her husband to death with his guitar collection.
The judge says, "First offender?"
She says, "No, first a Gibson, then a Fender!"
:lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol::lol: :lol::lol:
one day, a zebra was walking through the grasslands, and he came across a dead lion, with a monkey sat on top of it.
The zebra said, Hey monkey, did you kill that lion?"
"Yes I did, quite impressive eh?"
"What did you kill it with?"
"My club."
"Wow, it must be a big club."
"Yeah, there's about 120 of us."
Late in the day a woman answers the door, and it’s her husband’s boss from the distillery where he worked. The boss says, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, but your husband died on the job today, he drowned in the vat of liquor.”,
“I hope he didn’t suffer”, she said, and the boss said, “I don’t think so, we pulled him out 3 times!”.
Russell