View Full Version : Am I allowed to have this?
This is something that has been exercising my mind recently. It rears it's head from time to time, particularly when a forum member (this or other fora) is contemplating a new purchase. Will I be "allowed" to have it. What this means is will the missus or significant other throw a fit/tantrum/sulk if the subject of a purchase is raised.
"Allowed"...WTF is that all about. In the first flush of passion (assuming that is what happened X years ago) there was never any question that you were both in this together and if the relationship was going to be a keeper that this would be on a equal footing, give and take, accepting each's foibles/idisyncracies....etc. You left the apron strings of your mother and grew into an employed/SE responsible adult (well....some perhaps)
Fast forward to a few years down the line.....mortgage/rent/bills/kids? "I thought you would have grown out of all that by now" (a generalisation and not my experience I hasten to add!)
What went wrong? Why is it not acceptable to still pursue your hobby? it's your money.......or is it? Are you a man or a mouse?
jandl100
17-06-2012, 10:23
My missus let's me get whatever hifi bits & bobs I want.
We agree an annual budget for nett £-outgoing and that's it.
I know a lot of folks have to sneak boxes in when their swmbo is out, but happily that's not the case for me. :)
But then I have what is pretty much a dedicated listening room. The missus has her own den, too (that's where the single household TV is).
The problem for some is that putting the foot down e.g: 'I am spending £2.5K on some Lockwood Majors and that is that and I don't care that they are so large you will have to climb over them to get into the kitchen' - is that it leads to break up and/or Divorce. Some blokes don't like to be on their own and so...She wears the trousers.
Haha... Nice one, Rob - you're a man after my own heart, as I often chuckle at the meekness of apparently so many subservient males! :eyebrows: :rolleyes:
Marco.
Covenant
17-06-2012, 10:53
My missus let's me get whatever hifi bits & bobs I want.
We agree an annual budget for nett £-outgoing and that's it.
I know a lot of folks have to sneak boxes in when their swmbo is out, but happily that's not the case for me. :)
But then I have what is pretty much a dedicated listening room. The missus has her own den, too (that's where the single household TV is).
Judging by your speakers I would say your annual budget is about six times ours.
Either that or you don't eat!:lol:
Canetoad
17-06-2012, 10:55
I'm reminded of a statement Jerry Seinfeld once made that struck a chord with me. "Women spend years searching for the perfect man and, when she finds him, she spends the rest of her life trying to change him!"
I have plenty of heated discussions with my wife. She sees any purchase as wasted money. She doesn't realise that there is always a residual value or even a profit when sold on. Anyway, to keep her happy I try to keep my spending down. There's plenty of stuff I'd like but I just can't justify the expense.
Her problem is she doesn't have any hobbies. If she did I wouldn't have a problem with her spending on it. :)
she doesn't have any hobbies. If she did I wouldn't have a problem with her spending on it. :)
No no nooooo. Mine doesn't either...more money for meeeee:lol:
I always joke with my wife that I do this instead of having affairs !
I also never buy anything that I'll lose on when I resell.
Covenant
17-06-2012, 11:08
No no nooooo. Mine doesn't either...more money for meeeee:lol:
What-clothes, shoes, make up, perfume etc don't count as a hobby?
No, she's pig ugly and the money would be sooo wasted:eek::lol:
Canetoad
17-06-2012, 11:14
She's German. Doesn't even shave under her arms unless she's going to wear something sleeveless.
I realised she does have a hobby... Bean counting! :doh:
She has more than one! you lucky boy.
Covenant
17-06-2012, 11:28
No, she's pig ugly and the money would be sooo wasted:eek::lol:
You better pray she never gets to read this thread!
At the end of the day, it's all about 'give and take', and achieving compromise, on BOTH sides.
Some women, however, can change after they're married, especially when kids come into the equation, when all of a sudden the house becomes a shrine to 'baby', with everything else that was part of YOU before, and important, seemingly being turfed out without a second's thought. I've never understood that concept :scratch:
Also, make sure that you haven't married a 'keeping up with the Jones'' type, as otherwise, all your disposable income will go on making the house as 'pretty' as possible to show off to her friends, family and neighbours, and so anything which doesn't fit with that notion will be given short shrift! :rolleyes:
The biggest problem is couples drifting apart and leading separate lives, due to pressures of work and bringing up kids. The secret is to always have some time for each other, and things in common, and thus spend time together doing stuff that you BOTH enjoy, whether that's listening to music (on a superb hi-fi system), going out for a meal, or whatever.
It's when one person in a relationship starts to dominate and make unreasonable demands of the other, showing a lack of respect, that the problems start...
Marco.
At the end of the day, it's all about 'give and take', and achieving compromise, on BOTH sides.
Some women, however, can change after they're married, especially when kids come into the equation, when all of a sudden the house becomes a shrine to 'baby', with everything else that was part of YOU before, and important, seemingly being turfed out without a second's thought. I've never understood that concept :scratch:
Also, make sure that you haven't married a 'keeping up with the Jones'' type, as otherwise, all your disposable income will go on making the house as 'pretty' as possible to show off to her friends, family and neighbours, and so anything which doesn't fit with that notion will be given short shrift! :rolleyes:
The biggest problem is couples drifting apart and leading separate lives, due to pressures of work and bringing up kids. The secret is to always have some time for each other, and things in common, and thus spend time together doing stuff that you BOTH enjoy, whether that's listening to music (on a superb hi-fi system), going out for a meal, or whatever.
It's when one person in a relationship starts to dominate and make unreasonable demands of the other, showing a lack of respect, that the problems start...
Marco.
Well said.
julesd68
17-06-2012, 17:31
I have to pay tribute to my wife at this point - when I told her last week that my amp had gone up in smoke and I'd be buying another as back up for the time the amp was being repaired, she just said "good luck". She knows that I need my system fully functioning to stay sane :eek:
At the end of the day, it's all about 'give and take', and achieving compromise, on BOTH sides.
Some women, however, can change after they're married, especially when kids come into the equation, when all of a sudden the house becomes a shrine to 'baby', with everything else that was part of YOU before, and important, seemingly being turfed out without a second's thought. I've never understood that concept :scratch:
Also, make sure that you haven't married a 'keeping up with the Jones'' type, as otherwise, all your disposable income will go on making the house as 'pretty' as possible to show off to her friends, family and neighbours, and so anything which doesn't fit with that notion will be given short shrift! :rolleyes:
The biggest problem is couples drifting apart and leading separate lives, due to pressures of work and bringing up kids. The secret is to always have some time for each other, and things in common, and thus spend time together doing stuff that you BOTH enjoy, whether that's listening to music (on a superb hi-fi system), going out for a meal, or whatever.
It's when one person in a relationship starts to dominate and make unreasonable demands of the other, showing a lack of respect, that the problems start...
Thats precisely it Marco, I couldnt agree more.
I'll admit it, in the past I've sneaked boxes into the house, set up new gear in the small hours and kept second hand gear at a mates so he can fetch it over and say 'Rich I got this at a car boot the other day and thought you'd like this, it only cost £xyz...'
Why would I do this? I'm certainly not scared thats for sure, if she was I wouldnt be married to her... Its just easier than having a discussion about how much item cost (remember, some things in our hobby do cost a lot of money!) then one day she'll ask whats this thing? How do i work it? She was quite skeptical about the looks of my Regas when i fetched them home but when she heard them with some Ella Fitzgerald she said WOW!
You'd be hard pressed to find someone more practical and less materialistic than my Mrs, she doesnt go for expensive fashion, keeping up with the Jones's or indeed turning the house into a baby shrine. I think this is why I keep the hobby low key.
In the last few weeks she's seen me eyeing up Bushmaster DACS and a Rega Brio-R as well as the usual flirtations with Crofty and Rogers type things but after what has been a tough few months on the work front for us it would just be downright inconsiderate if I spent money on these and then only gave her a box of chocs for her birthday! So the hi-fi spending was put in hold this weekend and I took her for a couple of nights in a posh hotel in the lakes, we ate and drank and walked and laughed a lot... This might have cost the same as Micro Basic but was totally worth it. We both earn around the same money and she's so careful with it I do feel a bit guilty that my joy comes from often expensive boxes from time to time I guess.
northwest
17-06-2012, 18:34
It's when one person in a relationship starts to dominate and make unreasonable demands of the other, showing a lack of respect, that the problems start...
Well, at that point, it's all over. Better off just calling it a day and try and go your seperate ways amicably. Not always easy. Astute observation though.
Contempt always ends a relationship, any relationship.
bluenose24
17-06-2012, 18:50
For me it's I want this...... With which she sighs but I alays end up with what I want :)
Elvis's last movement
17-06-2012, 19:56
My wife has NEVER stopped me from buying anything.
There was a couple of really nice posts earlier about give and take....my wife is blessed with intelligence and an open mind. She loves music as much as me. We are both busy with our jobs too so its nice to sit down maybe once a week together for an evening's music. She likes the Tannoy Buckinghams.
We are due to move imminently. Once we are in, I will contact a French polisher to give my speakers the once over and my wife will be even more pleased.
It's a respect thing really and it also helps to have a partner who enjoys music as much as you do, and who understands that good quality equipment can heighten listening pleasure. Thankfully that's the situation here at synsei towers. I mean, bless her cotton socks, Mrs S has noticed me taking a healthy interest in Stan's new Bushmaster recently. We had a chat about our finances a couple of days ago and worked out between us that we will probably be able to afford one in August bearing in mind we can claw a little money back from the sale of our Caiman. This is the same woman who bought me an upgrade kit for the Hafler for Christmas and a Classe DR5 for my birthday last year :cool:
Reid Malenfant
17-06-2012, 20:02
This is the same woman who bought me an upgrade kit for the Hafler for Christmas and a Classe DR5 for my birthday last year :cool:
Where is the diamond pardner emote? :eyebrows:
:)
I just need to control myself, thankfully I'm reasonably responsible in that department...
Still not the same as sharing your life with someone you love though ;)
ATB Dave, to you & yours!
Damn, I'm the rootinest tootinest cowboy :rfl:
:D
Not quite sure what to make of some of the earlier posts. :scratch:
If your wives are so awful wtf are you doing married?
If your wives are so awful wtf are you doing married?
Very easy to get into John..... not so easy to get out of, if it goes wrong ;)
Reid Malenfant
17-06-2012, 21:29
Very easy to get into John.....
I have been engaged before, but even at 46 now (:eek:) I have never taken the plunge... There was one woman that I'd have happily died for though :scratch: No kidding :D Too long a story & not for this forum..
Better to have have loved & lost, than never to have loved at all :)
I'm not sure how many people will understand that :eyebrows:
It's been 16 years, I'm still on my own, but at least I'm not kidding anybody :) I still think of her & curse her in a way..
jandl100
17-06-2012, 21:46
Judging by your speakers I would say your annual budget is about six times ours.
Either that or you don't eat!:lol:
Ah, well, no.
The speakers were a special purchase, beyond the scope of quite a few years' annual hifi budgets, and were suggested by swmbo. :thumbsup:
I obviously married the right gal! :kiss:
Very easy to get into John..... not so easy to get out of, if it goes wrong ;)
That's what the people who murder their spouses say. :D
Of course it's easy to get out of. The guys I know who whinge about their partners wouldn't last a week without them. They just moved from mum to wife and learnt very little about taking care of themselves in between.
Ha - how true is that!
It's a big part of the problem... When I married Del (and we've been together now since 1991), I married her to have a wife that I loved and respected, amongst many other qualities she had (and still does), as an EQUAL, not as a replacement for my mother :doh: :rolleyes:
For example, hands up how many married guys here are effectively 'dressed' by their wives (i.e. she buys all or most of your clothes for you)? Fess up! ;)
I'll comment on some of the other posts later...
Marco.
WOStantonCS100
17-06-2012, 22:10
I get to spend a reasonable sum on gear every year and am pretty much allowed free reign on record purchasing so long as the bills are paid, the kids eat, etc. etc. and in return... I am not a complete and utter arse. Compromised reached. :D I started this journey in the single digits. Change is not an option. Period.
Aside from the occasional sweater for christmas I'm pleased to say the Mrs has never dressed me, although i should probably let her as she'd suggest other things than old band t shirts and combat pants!
Just to put things in context, Mrs B also lives with my collection of 4 guitars, a large bass amp, a guitar combo, an electronic drum kit and a 2kw PA system including wedge monitors and rackmounted 16track mixer and effects as well as assorted boxes of cables and lights.
Recently i did let her convince me to move my collection of 4 fishing rods, tackle and camping stuff into the shed.
Quite an understanding lady i reckons...
how many married guys here are effectively 'dressed' by their wives
Oh god yes, had forgotten about the "George and Mildred" types. Makes me feel quite ill.
I was a family lawyer for nearly 30 years until made redundant in January. Divorce work was my bread and butter. When it all goes wrong it is normally very ugly:eek:
dr.jones
18-06-2012, 09:31
As long as I don't make us absolutely skint for the next 6 months my wife doesn't generally mind what I spend on either hi-fi, or my motorbikes, both seem to be quite expensive hobbies!!
That being said, I don't spend anywhere near what some of you guys do!!
Here I go again guys, making myself very umpopular in some quarters but it has to be said IMO. There is a lot of hypocritical pontificating going on here about what constitutes a good marriage . Am I the only one that sees a parallel here between hi-fi and marriage?
WTF does it matter what other people think of your marriage if it works for you, if it makes you (both) happy? No more than it matters what other people think of your hi-fi (SQ) if it makes you happy IMO. The latter point is a mantra that I've had trotted out to me on a few ocassions ;) .
It therefore follows naturally from this, IMHO, that is some of us feel the need to discuss and agree with our partners potential non-essential but quite expensive purchases before splashing the cash, that's fine and should not be a subject of sneering put downs from those with different opinions.
There are obvious exceptions to this of course. Those whose personal wealth allows them to spend what they like on their hobbies, including hi-fi, without adversely impacting on their partner's lifestyle, and those who are married in name but lead totally independent lifestyles, to name but two.
I am now going to duck behind the sofa with a pile of cushions over my head - fire away :lol: .
jandl100
18-06-2012, 10:10
WTF does it matter what other people think of your marriage if it works for you, if it makes you (both) happy?..... fire away :lol: .
INCOMING !!! :lol:
Ah well - and therein lies the problem, Dave.
I know a lot of audionuts who are defo not happy at all with the wifely attitude.
It's a real break in the matrimonial harmony and a cause of much contention.
Sad, but true.
And yes, I count myself a very lucky guy not to be involved in that sort of quite fundamental disagreement.
INCOMING !!! :lol:
Ah well - and therein lies the problem, Dave.
I know a lot of audionuts who are defo not happy at all with the wifely attitude.
Indeed - and that's the whole point, which sadly you've missed, Dave! ;)
If whatever arrangement you've got works with your other half, and you're BOTH happy, then carry on. But that's not the point of this thread.
This thread is about the folk whom Jerry has mentioned, and the ridiculousness of moaning on forums about "SWMBO" not allowing them to buy this or that, and putting up with that pish, instead of doing something about it :doh:
The difference is, unlike you or me, they're NOT happy!
Marco.
jandl100
18-06-2012, 10:35
Well, to be fair, I think I'm under the thumb of swmbo, as well. :(
She said "buy the MBL speakers". What's a guy to do?- it wasn't worth the grief of arguing with her about it. :nono:
:D
No Marco, you're missing my point - look at things from another PoV. All anyone has to do is decide what's more important to them, wifey or hi-fi, simples ;) . If it's wifey, (which it should be or you've got a real problem :lol: ), if she has reasons to be less than enthusiastic about spending family money on any non-essential items, then any reasonable partner has a responsibility to take her opinion into account. You may not share your partner's concerns but to her they are real concerns and ignoring them is not going to make a positive contribution to any relationship.
IMHO you discuss and agree, be that to go ahead or not to go ahead, and once that decision has been made there should be no regrets either way.
Being a little more provocative, any person that states that their partner is completely relaxed about any family expenditure that they make on their hobby is either kidding himself or has enough disposable income to enable him to do such things without it impinging on their partners lifestyle. Those with a dedicated listening room have a further advantage of not trying to find room in the living room for something that usually doesn't blend in with the decor but most of us do not have one or other or both of those advantages. Obviously those who do enjoy such privileges are excluded from my criticism :) .
Now back under the duvet with extra cushions :lol: .
Dave.
Jeez, I hope we're not getting back to where we were in the old days! :doh:
You're still missing the point. Allow me to explain:
It's got feck all to do with family money, and all about the lunacy (and unfairness) of one partner dictating to another what he or she is ALLOWED to buy. Being 'under the thumb' like that is utterly ridiculous. As Jerry has stated, that nonsense is actually happening in some people's marriages.
The fact of the matter is, it should be a JOINT decision. No one person in the relationship should effectively be telling what the other can do!
Has it sunk in now? ;)
Marco.
P.S If you fail to get the point this time, I'll be deleting your post and locking the thread, as I don't have the energy to argue any further.
electric beach
18-06-2012, 11:34
My breakthrough came when my wonderful, understanding wife realised that my system would never be "finished", that a comment on my latest purchase of "is that it now?" was irrelevent. For me, developing a system is a journey, not a destination and one that I enjoy on the way; I'm not chasing some elusive end goal and as there are many different flavours of music reproduction, I may change something to be different, not necessarily better.
Music is not what I do, it's who I am, a defining constituent part of me.
Valerie says "what are we getting next?", and has bought me components for birthday and christmas presents - more money than I would have expected to spend at the time myself. I have a hobby that is at home, with her and is enjoyed and shared together (I'm not down the pub, off at football or whatever). She is quite exceptional though - like Jerry, it was she who pushed to get our speakers and Sachikos don't exactly have a lot of WAF!
Having said that, the expenditure has to be reasonable in the context of our shared finances and the influence on the home kept a reasonable compromise, that's only fair. It is, and should be, just another give and take element of the marriage and partnership. To take the attitude of "I'm not under the thumb and therefore I shouldn't have to discuss this with my partner" strikes me as a bit Draconian, selfish and self defeating.
putting up with that pish, instead of doing something about it :doh:
Hmmm... Like what? :popcorn:
Talking to your partner and explaining that you're unhappy about the situation. Simples :)
Clearly, giving the moaning happening on forums, about 'SWMBO' not allowing them to have certain speakers, etc, and from Jerry's personal experiences too, there are plenty of unhappy puppies out there.
Marco.
Having said that, the expenditure has to be reasonable in the context of our shared finances and the influence on the home kept a reasonable compromise, that's only fair. It is, and should be, just another give and take element of the marriage and partnership.
Spot on, Steve. That's the whole point of the discussion. Unfortunately, in some marriages, the relationship is rather less symbiotic! :rolleyes:
Marco.
Talking to your partner and explaining that you're unhappy about the situation. Simples :)
Doesn't usually work... :nono:
For everything you can come up with that makes you "unhappy with the situation", she'll come up with one (or three or four!) reasons why she's unhappy with what you want. Bloody excellent way to start a circular argument though! :lol:
Anyway, not an issue for me anymore! :D
... it should be a JOINT decision. No one person in the relationship should effectively be telling what the other can do!
IMHO you discuss and agree, be that to go ahead or not to go ahead, and once that decision has been made there should be no regrets either way. .
Please tell me where I'm failing to get the point.
Has it sunk in now? ;)
Marco. Snap!
P.S If you fail to get the point this time, I'll be deleting your post and locking the thread, as I don't have the energy to argue any further.
You use the word 'argue', I use the phrase 'another PoV' - is everyone who posts a different PoV to the Site Owner subject to deletion and thread locking or is it just me? IMO fora are for the free exchange of ideas, which is what I'm trying to do. Please tell me where I have broken any rules or posted against the forum ethos. Or is it just plain censorship?
Respectfully,
Dave.
Lol...
For everything you can come up with that makes you "unhappy with the situation", she'll come up with one (or three or four!) reasons why she's unhappy with what you want.
Well if that's the attitude one gets, then quite simply, one has married the wrong person :nono:
I can talk to Del about ANYTHING. If one of us is unhappy about something, then we discuss it calmly and agree on a solution. It's as simple as that. Neither of us would put up with anything else! :)
Marco.
.
Please tell me where I'm failing to get the point.
Jeez, see my previous post, where I outlined, very clearly, EXACTLY where you were missing the point.
What's in there that you don't get?
Look at the thread title and examine the significance of the word "ALLOWED", and you just might get it. If no one person gets to tell what the other is ALLOWED to do, and instead everything is agreed TOGETHER, then there isn't a problem, is there?
The only reason for me locking this thread will be because I'm losing the will to live (due to you continually missing the point), and I can't be arsed with a circular argument!! :acid:
Marco.
Marco,
My point of view is that you discuss with your partner, reach a mutually acceptable decision and go ahead on that basis, whatever that decision might be.
Your point of view seems to be that you discuss with your partner, convince her that what you want to do is OK and then go ahead and do what you want to do.
I specifically excluded from my PoV those of us that have enough disposable income to spend almost any amount on hi-fi and those that have a dedicated listening room - judging by your signature and the pics of your little door you have the advantage of both and are therefore ill qualified to tell us mere mortals how to organise our hi-fi expenditure.
Just my opinion,
Respectfully,
Dave
Marco,
My point of view is that you discuss with your partner, reach a mutually acceptable decision and go ahead on that basis, whatever that decision might be.
Your point of view seems to be that you discuss with your partner, convince her that what you want to do is OK and then go ahead and do what you want to do.
No it fucking isn't!! :brickwall::brickwall:
I'm in ENTIRE agreement with the sentiments in your first paragraph!!! :doh: :doh:
My God, can someone (Rob, Jerry or Steve), explain the point of this discussion, and the reason for the OP starting the thread in the first place, before I commit Hari-Kari??
Marco.
jandl100
18-06-2012, 12:51
:lol:
Unlike in marriage, if there is an unreconcileable point of view or a basic failure in communication on a forum, there comes a time when the best thing to do is to ignore the other person's posts rather than try to convince them, imho. ;)
The point of my OP was to highlight the difference between attitudes at the start of a relationship and some years later, and how "control" is likely to be a factor in this.
Unlike in marriage, if there is an unreconcileable point of view or a basic failure in communication on a forum, there comes a time when the best thing to do is to ignore the other person's posts rather than try to convince them, imho.
Lol... I don't need to 'convince' him of anything.
We're actually in agreement, but for reasons best known to Dave, he seems to think differently! :scratch:
Marco.
jandl100
18-06-2012, 12:59
The point of my OP was to highlight the difference between attitudes at the start of a relationship and some years later, and how "control" is likely to be a factor in this.
When I got married we got an extra £1k on the mortgage (£1k was a lot of dosh in those days - about 3% on top of that needed for our first house purchase, and money was in short supply) in order to fund a pair of the then-new Quad 63 speakers. :thumbsup: Happily, the same principles still apply chez-JANDL.
... and yes, as far as I am concerned swmbo can buy whatever she likes for herself. :)
My partner has no say in how I spend my money at all. I wouldnt stand for it I fear. We have always had our own earnings and contribute to home and children according to our relative ability to do so. I have never enquired what she does with the rest and certainly dont encourage her to look into my affairs. Joint spending is casually discussed and agreed. EG:
Her: " Im thinking of having the garden sorted out"
Me: " Oh, OK. Do you want some money towards that?"
Generosity is the order of the day. We have never disagreed about spending.
She did once kick off when I brought home my first pair of Magneplanars saying that I would have to take them back. I laughed and said I wouldnt be doing that as it would make me look dickless!
So when was the castration then?:D:eek::lol:
jandl100
18-06-2012, 13:13
My partner has no say in how I spend my money at all. I wouldnt stand for it I fear. ...... I have never enquired what she does with the rest and certainly dont encourage her to look into my affairs. Joint spending is casually discussed and agreed.
Wow. Amazing.
I don't mean amazingly good, or amazingly bad. Just amazingly different from my own marriage, I guess!
Still, it seems to work for you, Darren. :thumbsup:
Let me spell it out in black and white for Dave, by proposing the following scenarios...
Scenario one:
Dave and Sue are relaxing one evening, both in their matching terry-towelling dressing gowns, watching Coronation Street, and sipping a cup of cocoa. The following dialogue takes place:
Dave: I've seen some new speakers I like. They're much better than the ones I've got, but they're a bit bigger. What do you think, dear?
Sue: You're not having them, and that's that. They'll dominate the room too much and spoil the decor.
Dave: Ok, love [scurries off to do the washing up], and then proceeds to moan to all and sundry on his favourite hi-fi forum about what 'SWMBO' won't allow him to have (see thread title here).
The above, IMO, is totally unfair and unacceptable (apart from doing the washing up, lol), but appears to be all too common! :rolleyes:
Scenario two:
Dave: I've seen some new speakers I like. They're much better than the ones I've got, but they're a bit bigger. What do you think, dear?
Sue: Oh right, what are they like and how much are they?
Dave: They're in a lovely teak finish, which would match the wall units perfectly. They would go on either side of the fireplace, plus I think they'll sound fabulous! They're £800, dear.
Sue: Well, I guess we can afford it after that big win I had on the Bingo last week, and last month I bought that rather expensive frock. Ok, I don't see why not.
Dave: Thanks, love. Don't worry I'll treat you next time! [And Dave keeps his promise, much to Sue's delight].
Everyone's happy.
The above is totally fair and acceptable, and is an example of what should happen in a caring and respectful marriage, where both partners are 100% EQUALS, and where all major buying decisions are agreed TOGETHER.
It's certainly what I'm used to with Del.
Anyone who considers scenario one acceptable, is simply a subservient fool and a door mat.
I do hope I've made myself crystal clear now!! ;)
Marco.
Marco,
I agree that we are mainly in agreement (so let's leave it there) but there remain differences of emphasis. IMO polite debate, i.e. differences of opinion, should be encouraged, not threatened with deletion and thread closing - smacks of censorship.
I hate argument but I like debate :) .
Rob,
I admit to having difficulty in identifying with the change in relationship within marriage as it 'matures'. Somehow, and probably more by good luck than good judgement :lol: , we seemed to have avoided that problem, so I had difficulty recognising it :) .
Dave.
Marco,
I agree that we are mainly in agreement...
Hallelujah!! :yay: :yay: :mex: :champagne: :champagne:
IMO polite debate, i.e. differences of opinion, should be encouraged, not threatened with deletion and thread closing - smacks of censorship.
I hate argument but I like debate...
Indeed, so do I, but personally, I can only take so much of my 'opponent' failing to grasp (I'm saying GRASP, not agree with) the point I'm making, and so you end up going round and round in circles, stating the same bleeding thing, over and over, seemingly with less success each time :doh:
That pish does my tits in, sorry... Life's too short. Therefore, in those circumstances, I'll take the easiest route for a quiet life, and if that means locking a thread, so be it!! :exactly:
Anyway, you get where I'm coming from now, so let's leave it there :)
Marco.
P.S Your digi-cable cable was sent today by First Class post.
tannoy man
18-06-2012, 15:12
Many Years ago I Responded to a Free ad for a Thorens TD 125, At £75 it was a Good buy. When Picking the Deck up I was Admiring the Chaps Speakers and He said to Me, Would You Like to Buy them, £200 Seemed a Good Price and I had always Loved Big Speakers, so why Not.
Getting Home Twenty Minutes Later I showed My Wife My New Tannoy 15" Monitor Golds in Lancaster Cabs to be Told by Her "I'm not having Those in the House". Well they Went in the House, and Stayed.
Some Months Later She Said "It's Me or those Speakers".
You see We were Both Very Poor at Compromising and the Marriage Failed.
There wasn't a way in Hell that I was Not going to Buy the Tannoys that's Just Me.
PS, Many Years Later She has Three Failed Marriages and I have One.
Hi Paul,
Many Years ago I Responded to a Free ad for a Thorens TD 125, At £75 it was a Good buy. When Picking the Deck up I was Admiring the Chaps Speakers and He said to Me, Would You Like to Buy them, £200 Seemed a Good Price and I had always Loved Big Speakers, so why Not.
Getting Home Twenty Minutes Later I showed My Wife My New Tannoy 15" Monitor Golds in Lancaster Cabs to be Told by Her "I'm not having Those in the House". Well they Went in the House, and Stayed.
Lol... Well, what response did she expect after speaking to you like that? It's a wonder she didn't say: "I'm not having those in MY house". That's the norm from those selfish, domineering types! Wake up and smell the coffee, darlin' - it ain't just YOUR house....
Some Months Later She Said "It's Me or those Speakers".
Well, not that I'd ever have married someone like that in the first place, and therefore wouldn't have found myself in that situation, however, just for her bloody cheek, I'd have said: "There's the door, sweetheart... See ya, don't wanna be ya!" :wave: :wave:
You see We were Both Very Poor at Compromising and the Marriage Failed.
There wasn't a way in Hell that I was Not going to Buy the Tannoys that's Just Me.
PS, Many Years Later She has Three Failed Marriages and I have One.
She sounds like a right f*cking nightmare, although as I'm sure you know yourself, you were really just as bad as her! ;)
Compromise is one of the most important things in marriage. I've only married once, and intend to keep it that way (as long as we're both alive). I'm very lucky to have found my perfect soulmate. We're as happy together now, as we were when we first met.
This year will be our 21st wedding anniversary, and we're still going strong! Relationships don't last that long unless there is give and take on BOTH sides, and mutual respect.
I hope that things are better for you now :cool:
Marco.
Ali Tait
18-06-2012, 15:30
At least you have the Tannoys! :lol:
Nah, he buried her inside them, in the garden! ;)
Marco.
There are lots of things I desire but I'm realistic enough to know what we can afford and what we can't therefore I never suggest buying equipment unless we can afford it. Both myself and my partner find ourselves in this position almost constantly but because we love, trust and respect each other, plus we manage our budget jointly, we both know exactly where we stand financially from week to week, so consequently we never argue about money ;)
Good grief, really.
My ex was a fantastic women. Sure, we had a few words about the motorbike engines in the kitchen sink :eek:, the electronics projects still on the dinning room table when dinner guests were due :rolleyes:, my mates who didn't quite make it home and ended up staying for breakfast.:steam:
My speakers are big and ugly and the ex, being proud of her decorating style wasn't initially overjoyed at their presence in the living room but few kisses and outings and permission to decorate the speaker tops with something or other soon sorted that and she so loved the sound of her music from them and I struggled to get what i wanted to hear playing more often than not. Even I'm not so crass as demand a genre change when she had the candles and incense out and sat half dreaming on the sofa while the neighbors walls shook.
Nah what killed that particular relationship off was me working 5.30am to 10 pm, coming home knackered in the mistaken belief that she would love me more if we were financially better off.
Live and learn eh. ;)
northwest
18-06-2012, 16:16
Nah what killed that particular relationship off was me working 5.30am to 10 pm, coming home knackered in the mistaken belief that she would love me more if we were financially better off.
I would agree with that, got the T shirt!
Yep,
I'm a bugger for 70 hour weeks and it does drive you apart. That said she really does value me being at home and that's nice.
I would agree with that, got the T shirt!
What's the point in working your ass into an early grave if you've got nothing (other than money or material possessions) to show for it? I've always said that if I had to choose, I'd rather be money poor and time rich, than time poor and money rich, providing that we had the basics to survive.
That's why I said earlier that it's important to spend time with each other, doing things that you both enjoy, and not drift apart. The fact is, when one person in the relationship feels neglected or isn't getting out of it what they want, then it's doomed to failure...
Also, if your wife or partner loves you more, simply through being better off, then again I'd day question if you've married the right person, and also that you don't really understand most women. Materialistic desires should be one of the least important things in a marriage or relationship.
IME, what matters most to women is feeling loved, respected and valued, and having a man that listens to and cares for them, one that they can trust, makes them laugh, is faithful, and who understands what makes them tick - and that last bit doesn't just mean knowing what her favourite handbags and shoes are.....! ;)
At the end of the day, material possessions mean bugger all. It's enjoying each other's company, being close and spending time together that matters most. Without that togetherness, you've got nothing.
Marco.
At the end of the day, material possessions mean bugger all. It's enjoying each other's company, being close and spending time together that matters most. Without that togetherness, you've got nothing.
+1 HEAR, HEAR!!! :clapclapclap:
What's the point in working your ass into an early grave if you've got nothing (other than money or material possessions) to show for it? I've always said that if I had to choose, I'd rather be money poor and time rich, than time poor and money rich, providing that we had the basics to survive.
Marco.
Yeah well, easy to write when you've got the money; not that i don't agree with you.
If you're (general) lucky (?) enough to live into your eighties say and not have sufficient money to live what many in this country consider a fulfilling life (no i don't happen to agree with the current material based definition of fulfilling life) then perhaps being comfortably off, or even wealthy, might seem a preferable call to being alone poor and struggling with fond memories of a once loved partner.
Cue heated discussion on the shortfalls of the structure and values of western society.
+1 HEAR, HEAR!!! :clapclapclap:
Hmmm, although I wholeheartedly agree with Marco's statement in the main - given the choice of being on a desert island with my entire music collection and the means to play it, I would struggle to be able to come up with a person I would rather have there instead of it. Maybe Salma Hayak, but I doubt she would go for it :lol:
Gorn to check out Salma Hayak.
OH YEAH! Defo forgo the Hi Fi for her.
Don't spose she can sing and dance an stuff can she Tim :eyebrows:
ffs, its only a stereo.:D
Don't spose she can sing and dance an stuff can she Tim :eyebrows:
Who cares John, if I had her alone on an island I wouldn't be doing a lot of dancing :bum:
Yeah but, I'm not quite the man i was an all that mate and what would we do for the other 23 hours 55 mins each day? :D
Maybe concentrate on working up the energy for the next 5 minutes tomorrow :eyebrows:
If you're (general) lucky (?) enough to live into your eighties say and not have sufficient money to live what many in this country consider a fulfilling life (no i don't happen to agree with the current material based definition of fulfilling life) then perhaps being comfortably off, or even wealthy, might seem a preferable call to being alone poor and struggling with fond memories of a once loved partner.
...Or if you hadn't been so obsessed with monetary desires, and working all the hours under the sun, when you were younger, at the expense of the relationship with your once loved partner, maybe she'd still be with you, so that you could grow old disgracefully together? ;)
If I had to choose between being with Del, in my 80s, and being comfortable financially (but far from well off), or being alone then, and lonely, with pots of cash, I'm damn sure I know which option I'd choose!
There are two things in life that matter most (if you don't have kids) and that's your good health and happiness, and also that of your partner (if you have one) - everything else should pale into insignificance.
Furthermore, who's to say that any of us will reach 80, or even 70 (or perhaps less)? There are lots of people I know who died, alone, much earlier than they thought they would've done, having worked like bastards, in order to provide for their 'old age', and left this world with a bulging bank account, but a lonely heart - only for all their money to go to someone else...
Well, that won't be me.
When I was diagnosed with a spinal tumour, four years ago, and given months to live and/or a 70% chance that, after the operation to remove the tumour, I'd end up disabled from the waist down I, shall we say, 're-focussed' my priorities in life! Fortunately, neither happened, and I pulled through the op and recovered to (near) full health.
As the late, great John Martyn once said: "I'm here for a good time, not a long time". There's a lot to be said for that attitude.
Marco.
As the late, great John Martyn once said: "I'm here for a good time, not a long time".
That's a cracker of a quote Marco and one I totally agree with. I've always believed in packing as many life experiences in as I can and I always liked Rod Stewart's line from The Killing of Georgie - I have lived my life by that.
"Never wait or hesitate
Get in kid, before it's too late
You may never get another chance
'Cos youth's a mask but it don't last
live it long and live it fast"
So how about this for a loving husband?
She uses the ipod a lot to drown out the chatter when she's at work at recently complained that the old pair of jvc buds were no longer up to job, so being the loving husband I am I went and picked up a pair of AKG k450 for her today.
She seems well chuffed with them and they have a nice carrying case too.. now if it had been up to her she'd have spent a tenner but I couldnt have that.
Now i just have to figure out a way to get them from her work bag so I can give them a proper listen and post a review!
I wouldn't argue with any of that Marco. Great quote.
We still seem to manage to grow old disgracefully as single people according to the kids and much as I love my ex I wouldn't want to be married to her for all the Hi Fi in Stereophile. :eek::D
But sure, it often takes some major brick from behind a tree in life to make one realise that all those toys don't mean shit and other stuff is far more important. :)
So how about this for a loving husband?
She uses the ipod a lot to drown out the chatter when she's at work at recently complained that the old pair of jvc buds were no longer up to job, so being the loving husband I am I went and picked up a pair of AKG k450 for her today.
She seems well chuffed with them and they have a nice carrying case too.. now if it had been up to her she'd have spent a tenner but I couldnt have that.
Nice one, Rich. Between that and your surprise present of taking your good lady to a posh hotel in the lakes, you definitely are a top man and know how to treat women! ;)
I love doing that kind of stuff for Del...
I've had flowers sent to her work, outside of Valentine's day, or any recognised celebration, just to give her a nice surprise, hidden little gifts around the house in places I knew she'd find them (stuff she's mentioned that she likes, so I know that it'll be a hit), and whisked her to Paris, First Class flights, with Champagne on board, to have lunch at Maxim's - again just as a surprise.
And tons of other stuff, too... Giving, in whatever way you can, and keeping the spark alive, is what a good marriage is all about :cool:
Marco.
For sure Marco... the hoops I jump through will make the new bushmaster sound all the more sweeter when i get it!
Whats your excuse though, some fancy new cartridge I'll wager:lol:
What-clothes, shoes, make up, perfume etc don't count as a hobby?
Jerry, your a bit of a dark horse!
For sure Marco... the hoops I jump through will make the new bushmaster sound all the more sweeter when i get it!
Whats your excuse though, some fancy new cartridge I'll wager:lol:
Lol - I don't do that stuff to 'sweeten her up'... I do it because I love her. When either of us wants something costly, we discuss it together and agree on the best option. In reality, we very rarely argue...
TBH, we tend to take the piss out of each other a lot, calling each other daft names, which for me is a good thing, as it shows that we don't take each other too seriously and are totally relaxed in each other's company. Married couples are often way too serious with each other and 'on edge' all the time.
How many times have you seen couples out for a drink or a meal, and both are sitting with glum looks on their faces, hardly saying a word to each other? It's a nightmare. I often feel like telling them: "Cheer up, FFS!!" :mental:
When we go out, we're usually laughing and joking with each other, having a great time. That's why I've never understood the (for me) rather curious (seemingly) British phenomenon of going to the pub 'to get away from the wife'... :scratch:
I've never felt that way about Del, and would hope that I never will!
Marco.
Audio Al
19-06-2012, 09:53
O dear sore subject
roll back some 12 years and I was having problems with the EX
I earned significantly more than the EX worked 12 hour night shifts 5 sometimes 6 days a week
I could prove that 90% of my income went on the home and family and If I purchased anything it was the end of the world
The final straw was being called a selfish BAst-rd for spending some money on me and also told " What right have you got spending that money , its not your money its family money "
The EX never proved what she spent her money on and was happy to do 9 to 5 working for very little and would justify it by saying " I am happy as my sister works there and we can chat and go to lunch together "
Needles to say in 2003 it all ended in divorce
Marco.
P.S Your digi-cable cable was sent today by First Class post.
Hi Marco,
Just to let you know the cable was received OK this morning - many thanks.
Absolutely brilliant workmanship by Mike IMHO - if it sounds as good as it looks it should be great.
Cheers,
Dave.
What's the point in working your ass into an early grave if you've got nothing (other than money or material possessions) to show for it?
To give my kids a nice home and put them both through university. Lucas has just finished his first year and is doing very well... costs me a bleedin' fortune it does. Mainly in 'grog' mind you! :D Reane is still a couple of years off at the moment but teenage daughters ain't exactly cheap either! :doh:
Hi Dave,
Just to let you know the cable was received OK this morning - many thanks.
Absolutely brilliant workmanship by Mike IMHO - if it sounds as good as it looks it should be great.
Cheers,
Dave.
No worries. The yellow tape on one end, btw, is to mark the directionality, so the tape should go at the source end. Have a listen yourself, though, as you might disagree! ;)
Enjoy - it's an excellent cable :cool:
Marco.
The yellow tape on one end, btw, is to mark the directionality, so the tape should go at the source end. Have a listen yourself, though, as you might disagree! ;)
Enjoy - it's an excellent cable :cool:
Marco.
What yellow tape? Where did that come from? :scratch:
Hi Mike,
To give my kids a nice home and put them both through university. Lucas has just finished his first year and is doing very well... costs me a bleedin' fortune it does. Mainly in 'grog' mind you! :D Reane is still a couple of years off at the moment but teenage daughters ain't exactly cheap either! :doh:
I totally get that, mate. It's a different thing if you've got kids, as I alluded to earlier.
It can sometimes be difficult, though, balancing working all the hours under the sun, to earn the money to provide them with a good education, and having enough free time to bond with them properly as a parent...
I'm sure you do an excellent job, but I know plenty of kids who resent their parents for that reason, simply because they never get to see them, and so often think that they're more interested in their career than them, especially if their parents forget important events happening in THEIR life, due to the pressures of work.
'Taint easy! :)
Marco.
What yellow tape? Where did that come from? :scratch:
Me! I stuck some yellow insulation tape on one end, to indicate directionality. To my ears (as with all cables), your cable sounds better round one way than the other :)
Dave might disagree, though... Anyway, it's there as guide, should he wish to use it. If not, it's easily binned.
Marco.
Me! I stuck some yellow insulation tape on one end, to indicate directionality. To my ears (as with all cables), your cable sounds better round one way than the other :)
Dave might disagree, though...
Marco.
Oh bugger!
There's no earthly technical reason why it should be directional, it's a coax cable. Now two people have said the same thing and I'm at a loss to explain it AND I'm going to have to try it for myself, I hate it when that happens! :doh:
OCD, here we come!....... :lol:
Beobloke
19-06-2012, 11:54
How many times have you seen couples out for a drink or a meal, and both are sitting with glum looks on their faces, hardly saying a word to each other? It's a nightmare. I often feel like telling them: "Cheer up, FFS!!" :mental:
When we go out, we're usually laughing and joking with each other, having a great time. That's why I've never understood the (for me) rather curious (seemingly) British phenomenon of going to the pub 'to get away from the wife'... :scratch:
I've never felt that way about Del, and would hope that I never will!
Marco.
Nail. Head.
Mrs. B and I do the same when we're out for a meal and wonder why many people around us actually bother to come out together. The ones who amaze us most are the ones who sit their fiddling with their respective mobile phones and basically ignore each other throughout the meal! :mental:
Beobloke
19-06-2012, 11:55
Oh bugger!
There's no earthly technical reason why it should be directional, it's a coax cable. Now two people have said the same thing and I'm at a loss to explain it AND I'm going to have to try it for myself, I hate it when that happens! :doh:
OCD, here we come!....... :lol:
Change the tape to the other end, then send it back to Marco and see if he notices...
:D
I've fitted a special sensor to it, so I'll know! :eyebrows:
Marco.
The ones who amaze us most are the ones who sit their fiddling with their respective mobile phones and basically ignore each other throughout the meal! :mental:
Lol - don't get me started on that pish!! Great relationship they've got, though, eh? :rolleyes:
If I owned a restaurant, I'd ban the use of all mobile phones. In that situation, they're nothing but a bloody nuisance.
Marco.
If I owned a restaurant, I'd ban the use of all mobile phones. In that situation, they're nothing but a bloody nuisance.
Marco.
I'll second that... If the poor smokers have to stand under a crappy shelter outdoors for the love of their antisocial habit then so should the phone junkies. Its just as rude imho.
Good point, and damn right. It's rudeness in the extreme and very inconsiderate.
The problem is that people these days seem to run their lives with the damn things, and it'll only get worse, as technology continually increases their functionality!
What annoys me most, however, is some people's insistence that they can't go ANYWHERE without theirs. GRRRRR.... FFS, what did they do before the f*cking phones were invented?? Talk about technology sheep! :rolleyes:
Marco.
The physiological effect of being addicted to your smart phone, discussed today on the Jeremy Vine show :-
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01jt99c/Jeremy_Vine_19_06_2012/
1hr 39 approx
The physiological effect of being addicted to your smart phone, discussed today on the Jeremy Vine show :-
Now let's see it discussed on the Jeremy Kyle show! :lol:
Interesting... I'll be listening to that later, after the footy!
Marco.
Now let's see it discussed on the Jeremy Kyle show! :lol:
Aye, that might be more appropriate! :D
Marco.
It's fukin' brilliant! :eek:
I defy anyone with an IQ above, oh I dunno.... say 12? to watch the JK show and NOT feel at least a tiny bit better about themselves! :D
prestonchipfryer
19-06-2012, 18:53
The physiological effect of being addicted to your smart phone, discussed today on the Jeremy Vine show :-
http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b01jt99c/Jeremy_Vine_19_06_2012/
1hr 39 approx
People (mostly young) actually walk into me when standing still in the main shopping street here. Bloody pathetic morons FFS. I tell you it is f'king stupidiness. :)
Brainless idiots! :wanker:
Marco.
Covenant
20-06-2012, 06:42
Jerry, your a bit of a dark horse!
Hey-I am not Marco!:)
Ali Tait
20-06-2012, 09:29
Hey-I am not Marco!:)
I think he meant the other Jerry!
Sorry, mate, still don't have a scooby why I was mentioned... :confused:
Marco.
Ali Tait
20-06-2012, 10:38
It was about make up and the frock wearing thing.. :lol:
Hahaha... Reet-o. As long as the biatch wasn't stealing any of my fashion tips!
Marco.
Everything's been said already.
All I can add is that it is very much about mutual respect and ensuring that each of us has space and approval to do the things that we enjoy in life. Ruth and I support one another and very much help with each other's children, something that I feel brings us even closer together. Ultimately, we're friends as well as partners. We would never criticise each other's purchases.
As for eating out and observing other couple's behaviour, we often laugh about it. Two people with blank expressions sitting opposite each other and with nothing to say! Or a family of four, each intently looking at their phones. What happened to the art of conversation?
Gmanuk101
20-06-2012, 12:22
it's a tired old saying and personally I would never be with someone who said "you are not allowed".
I am lucky I guess, it's not about "putting your foot down" or whatever.
I mean, "I am not allowed" that's something a child says from his mammy.
Unless you like it that way and have a strange archaic "points" system going on of course.
If you do like that, may I suggest a course of therapy and perhaps move in with your mothers
Gmanuk101
20-06-2012, 12:28
that of course is the far end of the spectrum, the rest of us, well that's a different story... for me it's be nice, be treat nice, if it aint nice work it out, get giggled at for buying hiFi, make sure you both don't get wanting for anything important (food, bills, the odd treat) and jobs a good un. Anyway, they will all turn the volume down automatically so now who's talkin :)
p.s I know RichB's missus and she's a top lady, god know's she's put up with RichB for long enough :) :) :)
Very true Gman, they might not understand the hobby but they know where to find the volume control!
anthonyTD
20-06-2012, 15:02
Everything's been said already.
All I can add is that
it is very much about mutual respect and ensuring that each of us has space and approval to do the things that we enjoy in life. Ruth and I support one another and very much help with each other's children, something that I feel brings us even closer together.
Ultimately, we're friends as well as partners. We would never criticise each other's purchases.
As for eating out and observing other couple's behaviour, we often laugh about it.
Two people with blank expressions sitting opposite each other and with nothing to say! Or a family of four, each intently looking at their phones. What happened to the art of conversation?
Totaly agree on all of the above.
If at the end of the day i had to choose one person in the whole world above eveyone else, and that person turned out to be someone other than my partner Rebecca, then i would be worried.
Unfortunetly some people end up with the wrong partner because they are afraid they may be left on their own, others are pushed together in times of turmoil, but soon drift appart once the situation changes, and some people just drift appart due mainly to each taking the other for granted.
I have learnt over the years that when you find that one special person that you realy can relate to in all aspects of life, excess money and possesions become irrelevent.:)
Anthony,TD...
Whilst checking out RD's forum, as I do from time to time, I discovered this priceless gem from "Daniel Quinn":
http://thehifisubjectivist.noadforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=771&sid=618f8a4ca2e82c0b86f298c3101e8aa0
Now, before I go any further, these days I don't have a problem with Richard's forum. It is what it is, and he's entitled to have his say in his corner of the Internet. Indeed, there is often just as much praise of AoS, on The Subjectivist, as there is criticism, and that's cool with me, because Richard is the type who would tell me what he thinks to my face, good or bad. He doesn't have to do it by hiding on a forum, and in that respect, I would reciprocate.
No, what I find both amusing and pathetic, are the weasels who hide behind pseudonyms (I very much doubt that "Daniel Quinn" is his real name), and proceed to slag you off, because they don't have the gumption to do it 'mano-a-mano'. It's also the usual gross exaggeration and twisting things out of context, which these spineless clowns revel in. I'm being accused of proclaiming that I have "the best wife and marriage in the world bar none".
Now where exactly did I write that - can anyone find those words on this thread??
Yes, I'm very fortunate to have a happy marriage, and a loving and devoted wife, just the same as I'm sure many others here are too (my situation is far from unique), so if I feel like shouting that from the rooftops, because I'm proud of it, even though that's not necessarily what I'm doing, then why the f*ck shouldn't I? Are you jealous, Danny Boy? Or if not, then what's your problem?? Perhaps you're a frustrated hen-pecked husband, and what I've written has hit a raw nerve? Hope so... :eyebrows:
Listen up, sweetheart: I'm not saying that I've got the best marriage in the world; merely outlining my personal situation in reference to the thread topic. There's a slight difference! But of course, why let the facts get in the way of spoiling the 'fun'? ;)
Now "Daniel Quinn", or whoever he is, is similarly as entitled to write what he likes on Richard's site (within Richard's guidelines), but if "Danny" has got so much to say for himself, and finds this thread and/or me so funny, then why doesn't he join the forum and tell us what he thinks is so funny, by contributing to the discussion here?
So, Danny boy, now that I've given you two minutes of 'fame', in your otherwise empty life, come and laugh out loud here. I give you my word that you can write pretty much what you like, and won't be banned! In fact, if you join here, I'll PM you my phone number, and you can call me and laugh out loud down the phone :D Better still, Richard has my phone number (and I know he'll be reading this), so he's welcome to pass it on... I'm serious.
So, "Danny", are you a man or a mouse...? Do you have any balls, tucked inside your pee-soaked panties, or are you simply another ten-a-penny keyboard warrior?? :)
Marco.
Gmanuk101
20-06-2012, 15:14
ppfft, I wouldn't even give that person the time of day when all they deal with is pure assumption.
I'm glad that we're providing him with some amusement; clearly he needs a good laugh to cheer himself up. I just wish he'd come here and share the joke with the rest of us! :)
Marco.
I spend very little on hi-fi in the grand scheme of things and am often to be found negotiating a few quid here or there. I know how much is taking the piss, and not only do I know, but I know in my heart of hearts it is too much!!
Take tonight, I was watching a Rega CD player on the bay, told the Mrs I fancied it and was going to have a wine, ebay and music evening, with a view to buying it. All she said was 'don't skint yourself!'
Thats the way it works for us, even though I am a bit of a financial hand-grenade, she knows that I'll nine times out of ten make the right move. Its that tenth out of ten that we both worry about!
In the end its different strokes for different folks.
She did say 'you've already got a CD player'!
bogle111
20-06-2012, 19:56
You have just reminded me, our anniversary is today. I said to my wife this morning,
"Three years, geez, time to start thinking about divorce settlements!"
We laughed. That's what I like about her, sense of humor.
Like life, I take relationships a bit less seriously than some on here. You either get on or you don't. Life's too short to get serious about it. (I should know, had far too many relationships for a healthy bank balance.)
People just take it all too seriously, and by the sound of some here, purgatory would be a welcome holiday.
Regards
Toyboy
My wife and I agreed to always have two nights a week at home. She has Tuesdays and I have Wednesdays!
When you are a kid, you get toys. Then you find your own choice in a partner, and all they want to do is take your toys away!
You either get on or you don't. Life's too short to get serious about it.
(I should know, had far too many relationships for a healthy bank balance.)
Regards
Toyboy
Do you think there might be some 'cause and effect' relationship between those two statements? - or were you just joking? :scratch:
Dave.
Whilst checking out RD's forum, as I do from time to time, I discovered this priceless gem from "Daniel Quinn":
http://thehifisubjectivist.noadforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=771&sid=618f8a4ca2e82c0b86f298c3101e8aa0
So, "Danny", are you a man or a mouse...? Do you have any balls, or are you simply another ten-a-penny keyboard warrior?? :)
Marco.
I'd starve him of the oxygen of attention personally.
So, a subject of relationships comes up... whilst not bread and butter subject for a forum such as AoS is it clearly an emotive one judging by the number of replies and the varied views of the members which makes it all relevant.
Just remember Marco that the same characters will be browsing our private exhibitions, stalking the 'bargains on ebay' and probably picking up as many mods, tips and tricks from the experienced members as they can. They tend to have less to say about those things though.:rolleyes:
hifinutt
20-06-2012, 22:13
Haha... Nice one, Rob - you're a man after my own heart, as I often chuckle at the meekness of apparently so many subservient males! :eyebrows: :rolleyes:
Marco.
me too !
however fortunately i have a fairly big reign !!
I'd starve him of the oxygen of attention personally.
I'd love to have starved him of oxygen, in another way (at birth, preferably)! But yes, I take your point ;)
Marco.
I've just been reading the 'AoS bullshit' thread on Richards forum: Jesus, that guy has an entire chip shop on each shoulder methinks :stalks: If it were up to Richard the hifi industry would die a death because nobody would be allowed to talk about anything, except perhaps NVA products :doh: The guy needs a repeat prescription of 'chill pills' :lol: (I do hope he reads this)
p.s. Navigating from one page to the next on his forum is like wading through treacle... :eyebrows:
Ohhh, he doesn't like me much does he :lol:
I bet you're really worried about that too... :eyebrows: :lol:
I've just been reading the 'AoS bullshit' thread on Richards forum: Jesus, that guy has an entire chip shop on each shoulder methinks :stalks: If it were up to Richard the hifi industry would die a death because nobody would be allowed to talk about anything, except perhaps NVA products :doh: The guy needs a repeat prescription of 'chill pills' :lol: (I do hope he reads this)
p.s. Navigating from one page to the next on his forum is like wading through treacle... :eyebrows:
Like I said, Dave, his site is what it is. Despite that, Richard and I get on fine now.
I generally laugh off the criticism, and get why he does what he does, but the problem is that his forum attracts keyboard warriors, like "Daniel Quinn", who just use it to spout off against what or who annoys them, quite simply because they don't have the gumption to address those responsible in person.
These types of characters are quite pitiable, really.
Marco.
I bet you're really worried about that too... :eyebrows: :lol:
Me? No. But some of personal comments directed at members here are pretty unpleasant.
I think Richards avatar sums him up rather well: a muppet desperately hanging on to a live power cord.
I think he's jealous of your souped-up wheelchair! ;)
Marco.
Richards bad experiences with Linn & Naim colour his judgement IMO, he should just let it go. It's very old water under a very distant bridge... :rolleyes:
His attacks on Dave and Alex are unwarranted. Mind you Dave, you are stoking the fires by responding to him. It wouldn't matter if you presented Richard with written proof that you are not a 'shill', signed by the Queen herself in blue blood, he still wouldn't believe you because it doesn't fit in with his agenda. It seems to me that Richard is incapable of living up to his forums 'raison d'etre'.
I wonder how Richard see's those who espouse his own products virtues? Richards rants have totally turned me off of his products, however good they are. If I buy a new component for my system that allows me to hear deeper into the music then I like to sing its praises, I would never be comfortable doing that with one of Richards products for obvious reasons.
It is sad, really BUY REGA! that I was accused of being a shill BUY HARBETH! when there's absolutely no evidence to support that accusation!!! FROM HIFI_DAVE!
:D
:rfl:
EDIT: I'd like to hear your Harbeth's sometime Alex ;)
I must admit, I don't really get it either...
What would be interesting to know is, according to Richard, at what point does one's honest enthusiasm for recommending a product, simply because to our ears it is very good, turn into "shilling"? And how does one regulate it?
For example, I often praise the products of Paul Hynes, Mark Grant, Glenn Croft, Anthony TD, Arthur Khoubessarian, Mike New, and of course most recently, the excellent tonearm cables from Greece, designed by Yannis (amongst other products), so does that mean that I'm a shill for all those companies?
I can assure you that I'm not. I recommend those products quite simply because, IMO, they offer outstanding SPPV, at their various price points, and I can say that based on my extensive experience of using them in my system.
So what should one do, simply use them and shut up, or recommend them to others, in the hope that they too might enjoy them as much? What's an audio forum for if you can't recommend to fellow enthusiasts what you think is good, for fear of being called a "shill"?
Personally, I can't see Dave being guilty of much more than the enthusiasm I referred to :)
Marco.
I concur with that ;)
As I said, I think Richard's previous bad experiences have embittered him somewhat, which is sad. What he should do is rise above it in a positive way and show them a clean pair of heels because as it stands he comes over as a bit of a victim and it's his own doing... :rolleyes:
p.s. I'm sorry if that's a little strong Marco, and Richard, if you are reading this it is meant as constructive criticism.
I wonder how Richard see's those who espouse his own products virtues? Richards rants have totally turned me off of his products, however good they are. If I buy a new component for my system that allows me to hear deeper into the music then I like to sing its praises, I would never be comfortable doing that with one of Richards products for obvious reasons.
I reviewed Richard's LS6 speaker cable here on AoS as honestly as I could simply because I don't want to be like that and I don't worry about characters in any company. LS6 is good cable and I said so. Richard is also fine on an individual basis. So many members of forums have a different personality behind the keyboard, it simply doesn't interest me.
Audioman
21-06-2012, 13:42
All this talk about Richard prompted me to spend a while visiting his forum. An interesting experience. While he avoids promoting NVA except in the appropriate place he is doing so by the back door by constantly rubbishing recommendations made for other products under the guise of shilling. I don't get why he is having a go at Dave (DSJR). He has something against Rega it appears. Maybe he's scared the Brio R actual outperforms his NVA kit which I have heard little against sonicaly. I do sympathise with his comments re the cult of Linn which fortunately has passed us by now except for inflated used values on ebay.
Frankly his on line persona is unlikely to do sales of NVA any favours. Just displays a big chip on his shoulder over the hi-fi retail industry based obviously on bad experiences in the past. Actualy he must be doing something right to be still in business as other quirky designs from the 80's and 90's have all but disappeared. His insistence on glued perspex cases and captive mains leads hardly makes his products a marketing dream in terms of servicing and meeting modern electrical standards.
Hmmm... Like what? :popcorn:
Laying a new patio?
Hi Paul,
His insistence on glued perspex cases and captive mains leads hardly makes his products a marketing dream in terms of servicing and meeting modern electrical standards.
In the interests of accuracy, I've received this reply from Richard, via email:
We are not like other hi-fi products, we manufacturer to class2 CE regulations not class1 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Appliance_classes this means it is illegal not to fix the mains lead, it is illegal in most circumstances to have a conductive case and Perspex is not conductive, due to that you cannot have a case fuse as there is nothing to fuse. A sealed case is also an advisory in the regulations.
Marco.
So many members of forums have a different personality behind the keyboard, it simply doesn't interest me.
Nope, I am as completely daft as a brush in real life as you see me on here:lol:
I went to a show organised by Richard at the Marriott hotel off the M25 a couple of years ago (a sort of bring your own stuff meet). I thought his room of NVA stuff the best there.
Nope, I am as completely daft as a brush in real life as you see me on here:lol:
Best way to be, mate. Most people these days are just too bloody uptight and serious!
Marco.
Audioman
21-06-2012, 17:47
Hi Paul,
In the interests of accuracy, I've received this reply from Richard, via email:
Marco.
Marco.
Interesting to see you are now Richard's mouthpiece. :lol: Actualy I was giving him a back handed compliment in that his designs must be good to have survived in spite of their unusual design criteria. I wasn't suggesting they are unsafe and actualy was aware he works to different regs to everyone else manufacturing hi-fi.
Just I feel that these days lack of cable swapping options would make the product unatractive to the mainstream market plus you can't just open em up easily for third party servicing. Black Perspex looks nice but is a pain to keep clean also. Furthermore I always thought that the lack of metal / screws was driven by achieving ultimate SQ and the use of different regs was the only way of making the products CE compliant without compromising Richard's design philosophy.
Only thing you can say about Richard is he is certainly a one off.
Paul.
Well, Danny boy (who's actually called Dennis), has produced a reply, of sorts, on Richard's site:
http://thehifisubjectivist.noadforum.com/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=771&sid=f4317cdac56ef14470d582860c40d133&p=11727#p11727
I really don't intend to give this sad individual any further 'fame', as clearly he doesn't have the gumption to join here and contribute his inane drivel, nor is he man enough to phone. However, he mentions about me having "average intelligence". All I would say is that anyone who writes stuff like this:
IMHO, AOS is dominated by a cadre of the usual suspects , who metaphorically suck each others cocks all day long...
...really should indulge in some introspection, in terms of what is considered as intelligence. I've read wittier retorts from a pubescent teenager... "Danny's" bile is typical of the puerile, keyboard warrior nonsense one reads on Facebook, which in reality is where he belongs! :D
Marco.
Had a quick sniff round that other site, not exactly buzzing is it? think I'll stop here with all you Bullys & Shills :D
"Danny's" bile is typical of the puerile, keyboard warrior nonsense one reads on Facebook,.
One doesn't read Facebook. One reads Jane Austen and Ford Madox Ford.
I notice that 'Danny' has just joined us... Welcome, Dennis! :D
Marco.
P.S Please remember to pop into the Welcome area and introduce yourself to our community, before going any further. Cheers! :cool:
Nom nom nom, I love a bit of cock.........any cock:D
Nom nom nom, I love a bit of cock.........any cock:D
With plenty of mustard on it :eyebrows:
As they say in Glasgow: 'sook ma boabby!'
Marco.
Back on topic, this is the kind of thing others and I here were talking about:
http://www.pinkfishmedia.net/forum/showthread.php?t=121591
Sad, sad, SAD... You can almost feel his pain! :(
Mr Pig's post is SPOT ON: http://www.pinkfishmedia.net/forum/showpost.php?p=1723036&postcount=13
Hear bloody hear - I *so* agree with everything he has written there!! :clap:
I know Colin personally, and have visited his home on numerous occasions. He's got the balance of looking after the interests of his wife and kids, AND his love of hi-fi and music spot on.
Furthermore, most of my music/hi-fi loving friends have kids and NONE of them got rid of their music or system, in order to turn the house into a bloody shrine for baby...! :doh: :nono:
Some folk need to grow some balls.
Marco.
A couple of years back a pal of mine was bemoaning the fact that he could no longer have a sound system 'cause the kids would wreck it. I suggested that he make the living room off limits - i.e lock it - and the children would only be allowed in if he or the wife were present. It was a fair sized detached house and this would still have left the kids their bedrooms, the kitchen (lage with a big table) and the garden to play in.
He looked at me as though I was history's greatest monster. His house was a tip due to the kids and there was crayon over all of the walls. 'If you had kids, Mart you would understand.' Yes - when I was a kid if I had drawn on the wall in crayon the consequences would not have born thinking about. Tough love is still love.
His house was a tip due to the kids and there was crayon over all of the walls. 'If you had kids, Mart you would understand.' Yes - when I was a kid if I had drawn on the wall in crayon the consequences would not have born thinking about. Tough love is still love.
Give them a damn good thrashing - daily :lol:
I was never allowed to touch what wasn't mine when I was a child and I taught my children that "NO" meant just that right from their crawling stages and they never did touch any of the adult's things. It's not difficult to achieve, so I get cross when I read that someone has to get rid of their hi-fi because of the children :steam:
Alright "mate"....you alright "mate"...the cry from feckless parents to their offspring. They see their role as being their mates. NO NO NO, you are in charge. Stop shirking your responsibility. You will not get any respect by being their equal, they will see you as weak and walk all over you.
What also makes me cringe are those that are unable to see when their little darlings are sly and manipluative and put it down to them being "mischievous little imps" rather than grabbing out of control arseholes.
Yes, well, but….:D
In my experience the problem often isn’t your kids; it’s the others….:eyebrows:
I know, it’s always the others. :)
While you may have endeavored to drag your rugrats up properly that doesn’t mean that some of the people you might invite round, or people your offspring invite round, or even more difficult, your offspring's children, have the same respect for others property, standard of behavior etc, that you tried so hard to instill in yours.
Sure as Mr Pig writes, if you can train a dog not to shit in the home then you can train a child to accept boundaries. Unfortunately I can testify regarding both children and dogs that many people seem either unable or unwilling to put in the effort and blacking some oiks eye for poking your tweeter in isn’t likely to go down well with his parents. It seems to be much the same with other people’s dogs I’ve found. Giving some snarling yapping mongrel a kick in your local park because it won’t leave your dog alone can mean in extreme circumstances working further up the line and administering similar admonishment to the owner. :D
So, you start a family and naturally enough parents and children need to socialize and that often means relative strangers in your home. You can of course stand on the doorstep from your children’s first birthday to the point at which they leave home and require every prospective entrant into your property to fill out a vetting form and undergo a trial period while you assess their suitability for your home. Given it seems some men here can’t even get the “missus” to allow them a say in what does and doesn’t enter the home with regard to furnishings and electrical equipment I can’t see many successfully telling their missus that she can’t bring her friends home and they can’t bring their kids.:doh:
Yes, well, but….:D
In my experience the problem often isn’t your kids; it’s the others….:eyebrows:
I know, it’s always the others. :)
While you may have endeavored to drag your rugrats up properly that doesn’t mean that some of the people you might invite round, or people your offspring invite round, or even more difficult, your offspring's children, have the same respect for others property, standard of behavior etc, that you tried so hard to instill in yours.
So true.
Many moons ago I told the (first) wife's best friend to sling her hook when her brat thought it funny to repeatedly kick my new floorstanders. Stupid bitch said that she didn't chastise her child because he was "only expressing himself", so I "only expressed myself" and told her to fuck off pronto, to take her brat with her and never to return. She didn't. Don't ever put up with that sort of behaviour from anyone :eyebrows:
Many moons ago I told the (first) wife's best friend to sling her hook when her brat thought it funny to repeatedly kick my new floorstanders. Stupid bitch said that she didn't chastise her child because he was "only expressing himself", so I "only expressed myself" and told her to fuck off pronto, to take her brat with her and never to return.
:lol: :lol: :lol:
Fucking YEE-HAH! I so love a good zero-tolerance policy!! Nice one, Frank :D :D
Marco.
Hmm, why do I think my point got a bit lost here? :doh::D
Zero tolerance may sound like a great strategy, but here in the real world of kids, families, pets, guests and a relatively harmonious existence, pragmatism and tolerance rules.
Learning unfortunately is a process and not an instant realization. While kids, puppies, kittens, baby crocodiles, or whatever learn what is expected of them in various circumstances, life has to be bearable for all and if that means making some alterations to the Hi Fi shrine then that is what needs to be done, unless of course you value your Hi Fi more than you do your family. ;)
I found elevating the more delicate items above rugrat and puppy reach worked for me but I can appreciate from looking at some of the setups here that it may have some negative influence on aesthetics and sonic character so prolly best not to have kids or pets in this case. ;)
Yes, John, we get that, but surely you wouldn't want an idiot like that woman in your house? She sounds like a bloody nightmare, so I doubt that Frank was particularly worried about losing her 'friendhship'! Any normal parent would've been shocked and embarrassed at their kid's behaviour, and would've apologised accordingly, and most profusely!!
It wasn't the kids fault - it rarely is. It's the ridiculous attitude of (some) parents, and their ineptitude at keeping their kids under control. It happens all over the place these days, and it's a bugbear of mine I'll go into more detail about later.
she didn't chastise her child because he was "only expressing himself"...
Only expressing himself???
What kind of idiotic remark is that? If that had been me, behaving that way when I was a kid, my old man would've given me a bloody slap - and I'd have deserved it!!
Marco.
Oh, I agree absolutely with Franks strategy in those circumstances.
Fortunately no partner of mine thought fit to bring such a fucktard into our home. Maybe the error might have had a bit to do with Franks choice in wife....
.........Oh arr, it seems that error may have been acknowledged.;)
(I know you'll smile rather than report my post Frank. Some mistakes take time to realise as i know myself) :)
flatpopely
25-06-2012, 00:32
So on the advice of a good friend I never turned the stereo down when our daughter was going to bed hence I can now play it loud at bedtime and she goes to sleep and does not wake up. Not for us the 'shush, you'll wake the baby'. Also she has never touched the stereo or indeed anything else in the house she should not, it was hard work to get her to be like that but it paid off! Don't get me wrong she can be a pain but in the context of the stereo she is a dream.
life has to be bearable for all and if that means making some alterations to the Hi Fi shrine then that is what needs to be done
I made no alteration whatsoever to my system, on the basis that if you move anything out of the way then you are storing up problems for the future. I even had exposed valves at the time of my son being little. I found that a strong "NO!" whenever he went near it soon conditioned him to understand that it was a no-go area and I never had trouble with him ever again.
As for friend's children, I certainly experienced the tweeter being pushed in scenario. I nearly had apoplexy with the parent concerned and it was only my good wife that separated us. Needless to say, that child never visited us again.
Christine is a good 'un, last major hifi buy was her idea, we got a DAC. She loves music and understands that the 'stereo' makes it sound much better than the boom box she before we met.
Oh, I agree absolutely with Franks strategy in those circumstances.
Fortunately no partner of mine thought fit to bring such a fucktard into our home. Maybe the error might have had a bit to do with Franks choice in wife....
.........Oh arr, it seems that error may have been acknowledged.;)
(I know you'll smile rather than report my post Frank. Some mistakes take time to realise as i know myself) :)
The (ex)missus didn't like her anyway but didn't dare speak up about it, so I did us all a big favour :lol: The woman was an old school friend and once she married a man with lots of money she became "superior" to the rest of us.
John, I did smile so don't concern yourself :)
Does anyone know the origins of the term 'SWMBO' (She Who Must Be Obeyed), particularly how such an absurd notion was adopted, and even more ridiculously, in some households, considered as 'the norm'?
It's the way that this odious term is accepted and bandied about by some as 'simply part of life', that annoys me the most! :doh:
It should be no more acceptable than the equally preposterous and odious notion of 'HWMBO'!!
Marco.
northwest
25-06-2012, 10:38
Does anyone know the origins of the term 'SWMBO' (She Who Must Be Obeyed), particularly how such an absurd notion was adopted, and even more ridiculously, in some households, considered as 'the norm'?
It's the way that this odious term is accepted and bandied about by some as 'simply part of life', that annoys me the most! :doh:
It should be no more acceptable than the equally preposterous and odious notion of 'HWMBO'!!
Marco.
Apparently, from the "Rumpole of the Bailey" TV series. Oh, I don't know if it's odious Marco, I think it is in the context whicj is important. I have a good friend who always refers to his wife as "she who must be obeyed" and I know for a fact their marriage is a good one. No marriage is "happy" all the time and as long as you trust each other you can make something of the relationship.
Does anyone know the origins of the term 'SWMBO' (She Who Must Be Obeyed), particularly how such an absurd notion was adopted, ....
Marco.
Marco, chill out, I suspect it was originated by a normal married man with a normal sense of humour and is not to be interpreted literally. Acknowledging that there is another opinion to be considered rather than doing what you want irrespective of any other is all it ammounts to IMHO. I don't think any man would use that expression seriously and literally, it's typical British humour.
Dave.
Lol... But the fact is, as has been evidenced on the thread from pfm (and on numerous occasions elsewhere), there ARE some poor (unhappy) sods that are apparently living under the spell of 'SWMBO', and appear to be taking it literally! :doh:
Marco.
Daniel Quinn
25-06-2012, 11:26
As my comments upon this post elsewhere , lead to my membership it perhaps prudent for me post here first.;)
For the record I am single and far to narcissistic and annoying to be Married . Additionally when I was a young lad [5-10] growing up in Oldham my dad was a working mens club singer and used to take me round the north of England to his gigs with him because my mum worked nights . Everynite I would sit in the corner being pampered by nice smelling female strangers, whilst my father would be onstage singing [amongst others] Bachelor boy by Cliff Richard . This clearly had a profound effect on me and I now prefer a life of bachelorhood populated by nice smelling female strangers at the weekend .
However , human being are complex entities “I’m a million different people from one day to the next” and IMHO there really is no ego , smugness or self satisfaction to be gained from comparing your relationship to another’s and this thread is full of such comments . Whatever bargains or compromises are made by couples is their business. To bolster your self image of your relationship upon partial [ or even full] knowledge of another person’s relationship is tacky and misguided .
Additionally , there are two people in a relationship and 70% of affairs and 90% of divorces are – apparently – initiated by women so the possibility exists that your perception of your perfect partnership is not shared by your partner and there are no women or partners comments on this thread .
So each to their own and it matters not if you run every purchase past your partner or never consult her on anything , whether you sit in silence or argue in the pub , whether she buys your clothes or takes no interest in you because she screwing someone else , its between the two of you and no one else . IMHO this thread was just a tacky attempt to show off .
PS -now I really don’t want to get in to debate that nobody actually said what I purport to say they said because to do so would be take individual comments to literally and ignore the fact that language is complex and all words and sentences necessarily imply and infer a state of affairs and value judgements, accordingly it is legitimate and logical to infer what someone must necessarily mean from what they say , even if they did’nt actually use the words I have chosen to employ. I maintain the above represents a fair synopsis of the content of many of the posts in this thread . Additionally , I have not mentioned anyone personally deliberately , it is a criticism of the tone and purpose of the thread not individuals .
Maybe repeated, but this is probably an appropriate time to quote what a mate of mine actually said one drunken Sunday lunchtime when we lived over in York
" Our Sue may wear the trousers in 'our house
.......But I fuckin iron 'em. "
Yer banned! :D
This is the internet and more importantly, this is AoS and reasonable well written arguments pertinent to the subject that may or may not point out any possible shortcomings in how various posters present themselves their life styles and their material wealth will not be tolerated. :eek:
Excellent post, Dennis, and very well judged. I also appreciate the insight from your past. I agree with a lot of what you say.
The reason that threads like this are started in the first place, however, is because, quite clearly, the subject matter is an emotive one, and thus of interest and relevance to many people. Perhaps you don't look as often at other forums as others and I do, but trust me, this subject pops up rather often, and it's always interesting to read the response it generates.
The thing that perplexes me most is simply this: if you're so unhappy about 'SWMBO' ruling your life, then why not do something constructive about it, rather than simply moaning about it to nerds on a hi-fi forum? Or, if you're unwilling to do anything about it, then STFU and just get on with it.
For me, it's as simple as that! :exactly:
So each to their own and it matters not if you run every purchase past your partner or never consult her on anything , whether you sit in silence or argue in the pub , whether she buys your clothes or takes no interest in you because she screwing someone else , its between the two of you and no one else . IMHO this thread was just a tacky attempt to show off.
As far as I'm concerned, I can assure you that that is simply not the case. I'll tell you why I get so heavily involved in threads like this, shall I?
Well, it's simply because for those suffering with a dictatorial and domineering other half, it must be such a horrible situation to be in, and so I live in the hope that, one day, some poor hen-pecked husband (or 'cock-pecked' wife - no chuckling now at the back! :D) will read what's written here, 'wake up and smell the coffee', and DO SOMETHING to change their (seemingly) unhappy existence! In that respect, don't underestimate the power of the Internet...
*That* is honestly my sole reason for the contributions I've made to this thread and others like it, and so hopefully, one day, someone might benefit from having this rather thorny subject exposed and debated, as it has been here :)
Marco.
Before anyone starts taking themselves too seriously ;)
vPkSTQyXkYk
Just commenting to the 'one-sided' nature of the postings here, as highlighted by Dennis, I showed this entire thread to my partner Ruth and we laughed and discussed it at length. We also concluded that each relationship is different and unique. Rules or guidelines seem destined to fail as they simply cannot be universally applied.
Yup.... I've also shown this to Del (whom being a registered member here, reads pretty much everything I write), and her reaction was the same! She also agrees with my sentiments 100% :)
Marco.
+ 1 to everything Daniel Quinn (Dennis) posts above. He puts my thoughts in much better form than I have managed previously but he's 'bang on the money' IMHO - your relationship is nobody's business but your own, full stop!! ('your' in the plural sense). If it works for the both of you that's all that matters, other people's opinions on how they manage their wonderful marriages and by inference, telling you what's wrong with how you manage yours, is totally wrong IMHO.
No offence intended to anyone :) .
So what are you supposed to do when the subject comes up, Dave? Shut up and not offer your opinion?
It should be noted that I wasn't the OP, and that this is after all a discussion site, where, you know, stuff is discussed! ;)
Also, and this is significant, the whole reason that this subject is being discussed in the first place, is because unhappy husbands are moaning about their marital situation on forums (pfm as an example), in terms of what 'the wife' will, or will not, 'allow' them to have, and were asking for advice; therefore advice is what they've got!
If you don't like discussing this subject, then blame the source of the debate.
If it works for the both of you that's all that matters...
Indeed, However, clearly for some, it doesn't - and that's the whole problem.
Marco.
I have instructed my wife to agree with what has been said above.
Before anyone starts taking themselves too seriously ;)
vPkSTQyXkYk
crackin.
RIP Ian.
So what are you supposed to do when the subject comes up, Dave? Shut up and not offer your opinion?
Marco.
Marco,
As you seem to have assumed that my post was fired at you personally, which it was not, I'll respond to you.
IMHO, when the subject comes up (to quote you) you do not necessarily have to post at virtually every opportunity telling us what a wonderful marriage you've got and how you maintain it - regular readers are already well aware of your good fortune on this from previous posts.
On the other hand, when your advice on this or any other subject is specifically requested, by all means give us the benefit of your expertise - I know from past experience how useful your advice and guidance has been and I have been duly grateful for it, so many thanks :)
I repeat for the avoidance of doubt, no offence.
Cheers,
Dave.
That's fine, Dave, and I appreciate that. I also know that your post wasn't directly aimed at me. However, the reason I responded to it was simply to address the (umpteen) times you've written on this thread:
If it works for the both of you that's all that matters...
...when clearly that wasn't the case for everyone, and therefore wasn't really the point of the discussion! ;)
Anyway, I think that we both understand each other now :)
Marco.
Reid Malenfant
25-06-2012, 17:56
Does anyone know the origins of the term 'SWMBO' (She Who Must Be Obeyed), particularly how such an absurd notion was adopted, and even more ridiculously, in some households, considered as 'the norm'?
I'm not 100% sure, however the first time I ever saw this was in an old film with Ursula Andress called She (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059710/) :)
& it was literally She Who Must Be Obeyed..
Go watch the film
Actually there is an earlier film of the same name from 1935 on IMDb :eyebrows:
The film 'She' is an adaptation of the 1887 novel by Henry Rider Haggard that more-or-less invented the 'Lost World' storytelling genre. In the book, 'She-who-must-be-obeyed' is a mysterious white queen/sorceress who rules a lost African tribe. Rumpole secretly referred to his wife in John Mortimer's TV series, as "SWMBO" - the moniker a direct reference to the all-powerful queen in Haggard's book.
Reid Malenfant
25-06-2012, 20:00
The film 'She' is an adaptation of the 1887 novel by Henry Rider Haggard that more-or-less invented the 'Lost World' storytelling genre. In the book, 'She-who-must-be-obeyed' is a mysterious white queen/sorceress who rules a lost African tribe. Rumpole secretly referred to his wife in John Mortimer's TV series, as "SWMBO" - the moniker directly comparing her to the all-powerful queen in Haggard's book.
Excellent, we are working our way backwards :D
Thanks for the info, chaps - interesting :)
Have you considered this (and I alluded to it earlier)... Why is there no recognised female equivalent for the term 'hen-pecked'?
Marco.
Why is there no recognised female equivalent for the term 'hen-pecked'?
Cock? ;)
Ursula Andress called She (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0059710/) :)
Oooooh, Ursula Undress :drool:
Cock? ;)
Yes, but it's unheard of. Any idea why that might be?
Marco.
kininigin
25-06-2012, 20:32
Have you considered this (and I alluded to it earlier)... Why is there no recognised female equivalent for the term 'hen-pecked'?
Marco.
Maybe because we live in a patriarchal society,so it's more unusual,to refer to woman in this fashion.
The fact we even have the term, 'hen pecked' would seem to suggest this,as a contributing factor.
Daniel Quinn
25-06-2012, 20:33
At the risk of darkening the mood :) I suspect this may be to do with the reality of violence against women by men and the fact the two husbands a week murder there wives whilst the reverse is so low as to be unrecorded .
So you can have comic characters like george and mildred, stan and hilda ogden , jack and vera duckworth , , but a a husband who comically bullies or oppresses his wife could be seem as to risque . Hen pecked is essentially a comic turn of phrase and oppressive husbands are never portrayed comically .
Oh come on Beryl they'll fit right in.
http://www.hometheater.com/images/newsart/050406dog.2.jpg
Nice explanation, Dennis, and I agree.
However, could it also be that the female (rightly or wrongly) is historically considered as the bossier of the species, and so the term 'hen-pecked', when applied to the male in a relationship, is in reference to that notion? ;)
Marco.
Thanks for the info, chaps - interesting :)
Have you considered this (and I alluded to it earlier)... Why is there no recognised female equivalent for the term 'hen-pecked'?
'Battered wife'?
Very good, Joe, but that's not what I'm getting at :)
Marco.
Reid Malenfant
25-06-2012, 21:02
Nice explanation, Dennis, and I agree.
However, could it also be that the female (rightly or wrongly) is historically considered as the bossier of the species, and so the term 'hen-pecked', when applied to the male in a relationship, is in reference to that notion? ;)
Marco.
Well I guess that it should be the female with the nesting instinct (que PC shite) & the male went to gather the food to feed the female & the new brood...
Nowadays these things are blurred since females have effectively been forced into work to support the family due to low wages & high living costs :scratch:
I could be wrong, it depends who you speak to & what class they regard themselves as being in & their expectations :eyebrows:
There are definitely blokes who wear their wives/partners down through language, undermining their confidence and generally belittling them, but you're right that there's no accepted phrase to describe this.
Reid Malenfant
25-06-2012, 21:19
Well I guess that it should be the female with the nesting instinct (que PC shite) & the male went to gather the food to feed the female & the new brood...
Nowadays these things are blurred since females have effectively been forced into work to support the family due to low wages & high living costs :scratch:
I could be wrong, it depends who you speak to & what class they regard themselves as being in & their expectations :eyebrows:
This just led me to some interesting & probably irrelevant thoughts :eyebrows:
If we are decended from apes then how come men still grow beards & women don't... Maybe it was the fires in the caves that kept women warm, while the men were out hunting. It's only been less than 10,000 years after all since civilisation rose, plenty of time for women to adapt given a good few million years of staying safer & warmer.
Perhaps I'm out by a country mile, but through the haze there may well be a little sense :D
kininigin
25-06-2012, 21:22
Maybe because we live in a patriarchal society,so it's more unusual,to refer to woman in this fashion.
The fact we even have the term, 'hen pecked' would seem to suggest this,as a contributing factor.
Not sure if my post was seen,but i will elaborate a little anyway.
Since we live in a patriarchal society,where,in my view at least,females,to a large extent,are seen as second class citizens,compared to males.The term 'hen pecked' is used,because it is reflecting this issue.
If we lived in a balanced and equal world,where woman had an equal footing as men,then there would be no need for these types of terms.
So if society is conditioned to 'cock peck' woman,for lack of a better term,in most areas of life, there is no need for a opposite term for being 'hen pecked'
That's my musing on the subject anyway :D
Not sure if my post was seen,but i will elaborate a little anyway.
Since we live in a patriarchal society,where,in my view at least,females,to a large extent,are seen as second class citizens,compared to males.The term 'hen pecked' is used,because it is reflecting this issue.
If we lived in a balanced and equal world,where woman had an equal footing as men,then there would be no need for these types of terms.
So if society is conditioned to 'cock peck' woman,for lack of a better term,in most areas of life, there is no need for a opposite term for being 'hen pecked'
That's my musing on the subject anyway :D
Makes sense to me. That's probably why there's no male equivalent of 'bitching' even though men are every bit as prone to bitching as women are (see hifi forums for many examples of this)..
Well I guess that it should be the female with the nesting instinct (que PC shite) & the male went to gather the food to feed the female & the new brood...
Indeed, but if we extrapolate the discussion, and return to the notion of 'SWMBO', is it intrinsically liked to the term 'hen-pecked'?
Think about it :)
Marco.
Reid Malenfant
25-06-2012, 21:55
No, I don't think so at all :)
Someone miles cleverer than me will need to work it out, but hen-pecked can only come from female hens in close proximity from each other & each one attempting to keep their own space.
You don't keep cock hens like that or they end up dead, due to fighting each other.
Maybe it's the fact that men & women living together exclusively just isn't natural, at least it wasn't until religion & marraige came along :eyebrows:
I'll desist from posting on here until tomorrow PM at least...
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